Sorry Forrest, but you are wrong.  Like is NOT like a box of chocolates.

If it was like a box of chocolates, the worst that could happen is…well…getting chocolate.  Even your least favorite piece has some sweetness.

Even if you see what you are sure is a speck of Vanilla Buttercream  peeking through the chocolate coating but, after you pop it into your mouth, realize the white you saw is actually coconut.  Disappointing, yes.  But it is just coconut.  It is still not more than you can chew.  You may not enjoy it, but one big gulp and the worst is over.

Life is much harder than that.  Life is sometimes not sweet at all.  It can be downright sour.

Life has days that are too awful to swallow.  Days when the piece of brown in the box is not chocolate at all.  Days when you have been handed a shit day.

I’ve had a shit day.

All 4 kids are in trouble.  Usually it seems to work out that 1 or 2 kids cause me stress at once, and the others kind of give me a break.  Not this time.  Three are grounded, one perhaps until he’s 18.  And the 4th came home last night with his ears pierced.  Without permission.  Not professionally done, I might add.  He was told he can’t wear them in the house so he sat on the porch in protest.  He wasn’t “in the house.”  Damn technicality.  So 3 can’t leave the house and one can’t enter.  I won’t go into further detail but just suffice it to say the earring isn’t the worst thing that happened.  And Jim’s “help” with the situation is causing more stress than a 5th child.  Shit.  Day.

And Mr. Gump says life is like a box of chocolates because “you never know what you’re gonna’ get.”  But you CAN know what you are going to get!  You can totally cheat.  You can smush your grubby little finger right into the piece of chocolate.  Don’t like what you see?  Put it back!  (For future reference, you can even hide all evidence of the “peek” if you make sure you only smush the bottom and careful push the chocolate back into place. Not that I’ve ever done that…)

In life, smushes don’t help.  No matter what you see, you are stuck with it.  No give backs.  You will just have a shit day, plus shit on your hands.

Now, some boxes of chocolate even come with a “map” on the lid showing you what kind of chocolate is in each location.  Wouldn’t that be great in life?

“I need an easy day today…chocolate buttercream day, third from the left on the bottom row.  Perfect.” 

“I can handle some bumps in the road today…Almond Cluster day, top row in the middle.” 

“I could use a little pampering…where’s that chocolate truffle day?”

You know what sucks about the “map” though?  I usually end up with it upside down in relation to the box and end up getting Orange Cream instead of what I thought I chose.  Yeah, that does pretty much sum up my life sometimes too.  Orange Cream.  Who LIKES Orange Cream anyway???

In life, not only is there no map, you don’t even know what variety your box contains.  With a box of chocolates, you at least know your favorite kind IS in the box somewhere.  Usually at least two of them.  At some point, you WILL get to pick your favorite before your box is empty.  You know you have that to look forward to.  The best is coming.

In life, there may be none of your favorites at all.  You may have a box of nothing but Molasses Chew – tough and not very enjoyable.  Or you may have all Vanilla Buttercream – good, but boring after a while.  I would love to have a box full of Vermont Cream (best piece of Russell Stover ever).  But in reality, I just hope for at least a Caramel and a Maple Nut every once in a while.  And very little shit.  Please.  Not too much shit.

I think I will go buy a box of Russell Stover now.  While I don’t agree that life is like a box of chocolates, I do know that a box of chocolates makes me like life a little more.  Especially on the days when I feel like I really stepped in it.

Or stuck my finger in it.