I Stole My Own Sunshine

“I was lying on the grass on Sunday morning of last week
Indulging in my self-defeat”

“And of course you can’t become if you only say what you would have done

So I missed a million miles of fun”

Before I started writing a blog, I must admit I didn’t even really read blogs.  I had a few I read sporadically, but for the most part blogging was foreign to me.  Even though I had wanted to write one for years, I was pretty much clueless.

The past month I have started delving further into the world of blogging.  I’ve been reading more and more blogs.  Awesome blogs.  Insightful.  Thought provoking.  World changing blogs.  And hilarious.  Laugh out loud.  Pee your pants blogs.

And I’ve loved getting to know these wonderful bloggers.  Incredible women (and men) that are pouring their souls out for cyberspace to see.  Bloggers that can express their innermost thoughts in a way that I feel like I’ve known them forever.  Or feel as though they’ve been peeking in my windows because they seem to be describing my life.  Ladies that I’d love to meet in real life because I just KNOW we’d be instant friends.

BUT…there’s always a but…the more extraordinary content I read, the more extra ordinary I felt.

I let them take my sparkle away.  And by “them” I mean me.  (Only those of you that admit to watching the Bachelor will understand the sparkle reference.  Google “Tiara” and “Bachelor” and watch any video clips that come up.  She’s a trip.  But I digress.).  As I read, I yearned for their loyal followers gushing praise in their comments.  I felt completely inferior.

I lost my confidence to write.

Every time I try to blog, the dark cloud of doubt hovers.

My life is too ordinary.

My words are too ordinary.

My ideas are too…ordinary.

See, I couldn’t even come up with words other than ordinary!

I’ve had so many things I’ve wanted to write about, but I sit and stare at the “Add New Post” screen and all that goes through my mind is “my writing isn’t good enough.”

So I’ve remained wordless.

But I miss writing.  Really miss it.

Tonight when I signed on to Facebook, the first thing in my news feed was this photo…

Comparison is the thief of joy
Posted by Single Dad Laughing, ironically one of the blogs causing my inferiority complex.

Eureka!  By comparing myself to others, I was taking away something that brought me much happiness.

So I will try to get the words flowing again.  Try to view the fabulous blogs out there not as competition, but as community.  To not be concerned whether I’m better or worse.  To embrace that we are all unique.

I will try.

I will continue to write my blog.  AND I will continue to read other blogs.  Because that’s what I enjoy.  Will I still long for the ability to attract 10s of thousands of followers that comment endlessly and freely press the like button and share all over every social media avenue because my writing is just so inspirational or helped them feel like less of a failure or made them split their sides laughing because it contained the world’s longest run on sentence?  Will I have doubts in the future when I press that publish button that people will yawn and say b-o-r-I-n-g when they read the post?  You bet ‘cha.

But hopefully I will be able to stop comparing and keep the sunshine thief at bay.

Because I don’t want to miss a million miles of fun.

I may not always choose the most eloquent dialogue, or come up with a ground-breaking concept, or be changing the world (yet!).

But my blog is changing my world.  And that should be enough to keep me versed and on my feet.

 

23 thoughts on “I Stole My Own Sunshine”

  1. Excellent, Angela. Writing is such hard work and the minute one starts comparing is the minute you start giving your power away… and your power is so strong yet so tender. And your writing is wonderful. Keep at it and congratulations!

  2. I feel the complete opposite way most of the time. I would feel so much pressure to be funny or extremely insightful on a regular basis if I had thousands of followers. With my handful of readers, I am having lots of fun, which is exactly what I want blogging to be.
    Keep writing. I find you to be quite hilarious.

  3. That’s such a great quote, and so true. I’ve been struggling with the same doubts as I read more & more screenplays. I have to remind myself that I am not only new at this and will be learning forever, but that I am not doing this to be better than others, or even as good. I write because I love to write. I put aside the creative part of me, doing something just for me, for so many years raising my girls. Writing brings me joy, and that’s enough 🙂

    1. I thought you’d understand! I know your screenplay is going to be incredible – you are a very talented writer! Mom always loved your family magazine from years ago. I think many of us are starting to do things for ourselves…I have friends writing books, screenplays, recording music, putting on one man shows, changing careers…. I think we are having GOOD versions of a mid-life crisis! 😀

  4. Yes please keep writing. I totally understand what you mean because I have felt that way myself at times. I felt ordinary or even boring compared to other blogs. I learned to embrace them instead of envy them. 🙂

    1. Hi Jennifer, sorry for the delayed response! I didn’t see the pending comment notification! 😛 Thanks for the kind words! I still have envy some days…but am working on it. Can’t wait to check out your blog!

  5. Not everyone wants to read that same shit over and over. Every single blog I read, givea me something new to think about. I love to laugh, although there are times that I want to read something real and heartfelt. I think you are very brave writing this post. Truth! Sometimes admitting how you feel and see yourself is so damn hard. Even tho I’m new here, I like how you write. I like to read real words, I like that you used the word ordinary! Keep writing and we will keep reading.

    -Ellen

  6. Love it!!! Your writing is great! Everyone has the fears of what people may think, but in the end writing is a stress reliever for most.
    Keep it up!
    Thanks for stopping by Deezy Does It! Be sure to come back every Friday 🙂
    XX XO
    Deezy

  7. Its like you read my mind! You seem to know a lot about this, like you wrote the book in it or something. I think that you could do with some pics to drive the message home a little bit, but other than that, this is excellent blog. A great read. I’ll definitely be back.

  8. Such a great post — and something I can definitely relate to! I sometimes wonder if I should continue blogging, but then someone will post a funny comment or an encouraging word and I’m ready to sign up for life! And I do love reading other blog posts, especially the funny ones!

  9. Hi! Someone in my Facebook group shared this website with us so I came to check
    it out. I’m definitely loving the information.
    I’m bookmarking and will be tweeting this to my followers!
    Wonderful blog and excellent design and style.

  10. Oh my goodness, I really needed to read this, this morning! I have been struggling lately with comparing myself to other bloggers, how they have more followers, more likes on their Instagram feeds, etc., and feeling like I don’t have much to offer anymore. As a consequence, Writer’s Block has set in and I feel completely devoid of inspiration, and trapped in a box but don’t quite know how to get out.
    Comparison has quite often been the thief of my joy, and as a result, what has once brought much enjoyment and anticipation to my day has now brought anxiety and moodiness. Definitely not how I started out blogging ;).
    Thank you so much for writing this post, it is definitely the inspiration for what I have been wanting to write but did not quite have the confidence to do so!

    -Whitley
    Simply Whit in a Sequined Life

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