You may (not) have noticed I’ve been absent from blogging the past few months (just humor me and gush about how much you’ve missed me…). I thought I’d give you a tiny glimpse into some of the daily shit that keeps me from writing. Literally.
Last week we got home from an evening that had already included a concussion (Jimmy)and an injured knee (Jake). Right after Jimmy went downstairs to bed, he called me and exclaimed that he was walking through water. Was the bump on his head was worse than we thought? Alas, no. He wasn’t hallucinating. (If he was, I suppose he would have envisioned walking ON water.)
Our hot water heater had busted and flooded our basement.
The bad luck fairy seems to have visited our family a lot this past year. I’ve been trying reaaaalllly hard to avoid turning into a “glass half empty” type person, so attempted to look at the bright side: (1) It was clean water, (2) most items in the storage room were off the floor because Jim had built shelves, (3) no walls or furniture were damaged and (4) we had a giant carpeted kiddie pool.
After we looked up our (way too high) homeowner’s insurance deductible, we decided to try to salvage the carpet instead of submit a claim. We (“we” meaning Jim) pulled up the carpet, threw away the padding, sucked up the water, repeatedly steam cleaned the carpet with anti-mildew cleaner. Then we installed new padding and put the carpet back. Two days ago.
Fast forward to today. I was taking my daily nap when Jimmy burst into my room to tell me water was pouring all over the storage room. I stumbled downstairs thinking something must be wrong with the new water heater. However, what I found appeared to be water spewing out of the OLD water heater which was still sitting in the storage room.
Even in a half asleep stupor I knew that it couldn’t be possible for an empty, unattached tank to be spraying water. Could it? No, it couldn’t. Upon closer inspection, I figured out that the water was pouring down through the ceiling. It was splattering off the top of the old water heater and raining all over the room. And then it hit me…the room directly above the storage room? The bathroom.
I ran upstairs and water was pouring out of the toilet. The clogged toilet. The clogged, shit-filled toilet. The clogged, shit-filled toilet that requires a “handle jiggle” to stop filling with water. The clogged, shit-filled, jiggle-required toilet that had obviously been “filling” during my entire nap. (I won’t name the little shit who admitted to the…not so little shit that clogged it.)
So much for the glass half full attitude. This time it was NOT clean water. And everything that was “safely” on the storage shelves had been splatted with shatted water. Ew. Ew. Ew.
Shit just got real. Too real. 
I don’t need to worry about my glass being half full OR half empty. I think my glass is broken. That’s not seven years bad luck like a mirror, is it??
At least we didn’t make a claim for the first flood. That would have been an awkward phone call. “Hi again Mr. Insurance Man. Remember me? You just replaced our carpet two days ago. Can you enter a claim of ‘ditto?'”
_________
Funny side story…
I was worried about the carpet having a mildew smell so wanted to check it one more time after the final cleaning (from flood #1). I was wearing pink PJ pants with turtles on them and a purple sweatshirt. I put on shoes – black ones that were by the front door – so I wouldn’t get my socks wet.
Jim (seeing me putting on shoes): Where are you going?
Me: Walmart.
Jim: Oh, ok.
I guess he thought I’d fit right in.
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I am sorry to say that I loved this! Not your water logged calamity, of course, but your way with words. Bravo!
Wow. That is most certainly a shitty week. While I’m glad it got you to finally write a post, (I missed you!) I wouldn’t wish such experiences on anyone. Here’s to calm, flood-free naps!
What an horrendous few weeks! I struggle to think of many things worse than your home flooding – particularly with shit-infested water! You most be due a period of fortune?
Ain’t that a load of shit?
Sorry to hear about the flooding but it made a hilarious post. LOL I feel for you because we have leaks on our roof in the living room (we live in an area where it rains a lot) so it has been crazy!
What a load of crap to deal with. But I am laughing at your commentary on the shitty shitter shituation. I hope that this is the last inside water episode you have to deal with.
Laughing that he was totally okay with you going to Walmart like that!! Hope your luck starts to turn around VERY soon.
Oh hells bells! It really hasn’t been your few months has it. *HUGGLES* I completely understand why you took time away (I *did* miss you though) and I hope that Real Life allows you some respite soon so you can come back to the Blogosphere on a more regular basis.
Sending you best wishes for the clean-up. I’d help if only I could *HUGE WRAP-AROUND HUGS*
Oh my sweet friend-having had a basement full of sewage a week before Christmas I certainly know how unfunny your experiences have been. However your little thing at the end made me LOL- I love your shitty posts…
I’m going to pretend that I don’t know you so your shitty luck doesn’t rub off on me. Even if you are wearing turtle pj bottoms with black shoes…you trendy fashionista beeatch, you! 😀
Oh geez Angela that is a string of bad whammies! Here’s to hoping all is getting better with no more calamities. LOL to your Walmart attire! 🙂
Wow. That super sucks. I had a hot water heater bust on me, too. Luckily I lived in an apartment at the time. (Not so lucky for the people downstairs, as it was apparently leaking most of the night!!) Also had a toilet overflow on me, which I freaked out about because I had NEVER dealt with a toilet that didn’t have one of those safety stopping mechanism thingies and had NO IDEA how to make it stop. Again, luckily, was living in an apartment (a different one this time!) but of course, not so great for the people living downstairs. (I wonder if i should stop living on the top floor?? lol) Also, I have a motto for times like this: The glass is only half full if you fill it, and half empty if you drink it!
Oh HELLZNO!!! Oh gosh- what a freaking NIGHTMARE!!!! Now I am grateful my kid’s huge POOP that had flooded my toilet bowl JUST this morning- didn’t get flushed!!! He left it for me to inspect because he used an entire roll of TP to wipe his poobutt so the mound was as high as the seat.
Oh my…. I HATE that you had to go through all of that!!!
Side note? I have been known to go to Wallmart with old High School musical fleece pants that I got in some dollar bin there years ago…. it just feels right. 😉
Ooooh my gosh. So bad, so bad. I have a complete inability to cope with these sorts of disasters– I probably would have just shut the basement door and never acknowledged it (the way I do with the nasty spattered microwave in my kitchen). But the toilet one? My jaw dropped at that. I think arson might have been the best possible solution.
Ugh! This is bad, yet somehow you made me laugh through the whole thing. This sounds like a story for The Shitastrophy’s blog! I hope your 2014 is better, and more DRY!
Yeech! I’m so sorry to hear about both of your floods. I think you’ve hit your shit limit and will have the best year ever!!
Girl you need a vacation, one away from everyone and anything, one where you can write (because we missed you).
I really don’t mean to laugh at your Shitastrophy – but damn! That was funny. Oh and your graphics of the glass….awesome!!
When it rains, it pours, right? I’m very sorry that it happened to pour shit on you.
loved it <3
piss cup was pretty amazing too!
I did notice you were gone. I shouldn’t laugh, but this pretty much takes the cake. It would have been pretty funny if you’d called the insurance company a second time! Can you imagine?! Oh and shit water coming through your ceiling…I’m sorry, this is the funniest thing I’ve read today. And Walmart…just perfect!
Oh my goodness that was funny!! I hope you are laughing in hindsight with us because this was too funny!! I had my own problem with a shit filled toilet this week. Fortunately it did not overflow, just rose to the very top enough for me to panic!!
I think we all get struck by the bad luck fairy from time to time, but the good luck fairy probably advised your husband to install those shelves lol
Oh gosh, that’s terrible! I, for one, think you should totally have gone to Walmart in that outfit!
Ooh my god!!!!! Lol but so not funny but holy cow that’s funny!!!
Ohhhhhhhh. Ugh. I am SO sorry. That is just a lot of shit to deal with. Literally. 🙁