Category Archives: Joke

There’s Waldo?

I was feeling pretty spiffy (yes, I really said spiffy) in my new shirt from Loft…until I caught a glimpse of my reflection and thought “THERE’S Waldo!!”  Hmmm, maybe that’s the reason the shirt was on sale at the outlet mall.  (The photo is supposed to be my ‘YIKES, I look like Waldo face.  But it looks more like a “YIKES, I’m turning into a fish face.  I should have consulted a teenage girl for pointers on taking self-photos with my cell phone.)

Then I got to thinking what it would be like to be Waldo.  To be right there in the middle of it all, but invisible at the same time.  It might be fun to just be able to observe everything around you.  To see what goes on when no one thinks you are there.  To find solitude among the masses.  To hide from the world for a while.

I think it would get lonely very quickly though and soon I’d be begging for someone to find me.  “Hey!  I’m over here!!!  No, no, not there.  That’s a red, white and blue beach ball.  I’m over here, waving frantically.  No, not there either.  That is an American Flag waving.”

You’d never think someone like Waldo would be hard to find.  Red and white striped shirt and hat with bright blue pants should easily be found an instant.  But if everything around you is the same, it all blends in.  It doesn’t stand out.  It is overlooked.

Some days you want to be unique.  Different.  Noticed.

Other days you want to hide in plain sight.  Like Waldo.

Now I will think of Waldo every time I wear that shirt.  But maybe it will make me pause and ponder, “Do I want to be lost or found today???”

Weekly Photo Challenge: Near and Far

An atypical take on the “Near and Far” challenge: With nothing except a leaf bug on the windshield, a cell phone camera and a plethora of uber corny leaf and plant related references, here’s my encounter with…

BUGZILLA!

Upon exiting a building today, I had a growing fear that something was wrong.  I looked up, and couldn’t believe my eyes.  A legendary creature, feared by all had planted himself on top of the building.  Could it be?  Is it real?  It is!  Bugzilla!

                    Down from the trees
                          One story high
                         Spitting leaves
                    His head in the sky
                              Bugzilla!

I sprinted to my car as he leapt off the roof and  uprooted a near-by SUV.  It was reduced to a pile of rubble when he was finished.  He made a low screeching noise that sounded like a bark.

As I put the car in drive, Bugzilla noticed me.  He came creeping toward my car.  My nails dug into the steering wheel as I switched to reverse and sped away.

Good grief.  He sure looks like a leaf.  Go, go Bugzilla.

He’s mean.  And for-evergreen.  Go, go Bugzilla.

Bugzilla seemed determined to stick to his vendetta against mankind.  It appeared as if all would have to live in perennial fear. But suddenly, Bugzilla branched out his fury and began to turn on his own kind.  He mercilessly attacked OTHER GIANT BUGS, destroying them one by one.

The poor Beetles didn’t stand a chance.

A Real Pain in the Coccyx

It isn’t often that a broken bone is funny.  Unless, of course, the bone has a funny name.  And the patient is a 13-year-old boy.

Jake literally got knocked on his butt last night during his football game and was still in a lot of pain this morning, so off to the urgent care center we went.  Had to stop myself when asked the reason for the visit.  “Jake is a pain in the…uh…I mean Jake HAS a pain in the butt.”

Jake’s reaction to showing the female nurse “where it hurt” was enough to get me in a giggly mood.  The blushing cheeks and the one word please-let-this-be-over answers showed that the nurse’s questions were much more painful than the injury.

Once she left the room, Jake announced that he needed to fart (boys feel the need to proclaim that hourly).  The conversation went something like… “Don’t you dare!” “But I have to.” No, this is a tiny room and the doctor will be in any second.”  “I can’t hold it.”  “Don’t do it!  The doctor may think it was me!!”

When the doctor came in, the first thing he said was “Yes, you can smell it in the air…”  I glared at Jake as if to say TELL ME YOU DIDN’T DO IT!!!  Fortunately, the doctor continued his statement “Yes, you can smell it in the air.  Football season and the injuries it brings.”  Whew.  I had to cover my face to hide the chuckling over what I thought the statement was referencing.  I’m not sure what the doctor said for the next 5 minutes, because I was using all of my focus trying to maintain my composure.

For some reason, hearing someone say buttocks is hysterical to boys.  Every time it was mentioned, Jake would smirk and glance at me.  “Did you get hit in the buttocks or did you fall on your buttocks?”  Snicker.  Snicker.  “Does your right buttock hurt more than your left buttock?” Snicker.  Snicker.  And so on…  I was trying to do anything to prevent an outburst of laughter.  Bit my lip.  Fake coughed.  Thought of the ending of Toy Story 3.  That worked.  The doctor probably thought I was overreacting a bit to be tearing up about the injury but at least I wasn’t going to be known as the Mom who laughed at her child’s broken bone.

Photo credit www.backpainsavvy.hubpages.com

By the time the doctor began talking about the crushed coccyx bone, I could barely contain myself.  “The bones in your spine curve in at your lower back and then once it gets below the sacrum, it curves back out.  The bone that sticks out at the bottom is the coccyx.”  A bone called the coccyx sticking out below the sacrum…well, I’m sure you can picture the expression on Jake’s face.  The word buttocks is funny to a teen boy; the word coccyx is hilarious.  Add in the word sacrum, and it’s too much to handle.  I couldn’t even look Jake in the eye because I knew if I did, I would be rolling on the floor.

If there is going to be a bone referred to as the “funny bone,” I think the coccyx bone would be a better choice than the elbow.  But then again, the skin covering the elbow is sometimes referred to as the wenus so, yeah, I guess that is funnier.  Hey docs, who named these body parts anyway??

Now before I get slammed for being unsympathetic, I do feel very bad for Jake.  I know first-hand that it is very painful because I broke my tailbone falling down some stairs once.  Perhaps a problem of weak cheeks runs in the family?  Our family just tends to find humor in strange places.  Just imagine if he broke his humerus bone…

If laughter is the best medicine, Jake should heal very quickly.  I surely hope this injury doesn’t cause Jake to be the butt of any jokes.

Poke Your Face while the H.O.E. in Texas Strips? Huh??

Greg was 4 when Lady Gaga’s song “Poker Face” first became popular.  When it came on the radio one day, this was his reaction…

Photo credit www.defendingcontending.com
  • Greg: Turn it off!  I don’t like that song!
  • Me: Why don’t you like it?
  • Greg: It’s a mean song.  They tell you to poke your face!!
  • Yes Greg, that IS mean.

Made me wonder what lyrics he would hear if Lady Gaga did any other songs about the card game…

  1. Five Card Draw – “That song tells you to draw on cars.  That’s illegal.”
  2. H.O.E. Poker – “Dad, what’s a H.O.E. and why would you want to poke her?”
  3. Texas Hold’em – “The singer called someone named Tex an asshole and dumb.”
  4. Strip Poker – “That song says losers have to take their clothes off.”

Oh, wait.  You got that one right Greg.

__________________________

Yes, H.O.E. is an actual game of poker.  I did NOT make that up!

How to Get a Teen to Respond to Your Text Messages

2:16pm Me:  You still need to change the litter pans and mow.

<no response>

2:28pm Me:  We are out of litter so Dad is bringing some on his way home from work.  Go ahead and start mowing to get that off your list.

<no response>

2:46pm Me:  Do you want Chipotle?

2:46pm Jimmy:  Yes.

2:47pm Me:  Oh, well we aren’t going to Chipotle.  I just wanted to make sure you were receiving the other texts from me.