Category Archives: Pet adoption

Top 4 Problems at the (Not-So-)Scary Mommy Book Signing (and a signed copy giveaway)

During my months of blog neglect, the blog post ideas have been building.  I may not be able to remember things like why I walked in the kitchen, that my sunglasses are on top of my head or that I can’t find my cell phone because I’m talking on it…but the ideas don’t seem to go away until I get them out on paper.  Well, actually out on keyboard.  So bear with me for a while as I get some posts published that should have been done months ago.

This post, for example, is from when I met Jill Smokler (a.k.a. Scary Mommy) in April. << Instructions at the end of the post on how to enter the giveaway for the signed copy of “Motherhood Comes Naturally (and Other Vicious Lies).” >> 

After my first book signing debacle with Momastery’s Glennon Melton, I was a little anxious about going to another one.  I really wanted to meet Jill Smokler though, so I did.

I arrived at the signing 15 minutes early.  But – you should know by now there is always a BUT – there were some “issues.”

Problem #1: “City” parking.  Everything near the building was street parking.

I live in Suburbia and drive a Suburban (stereotype pinnacle here) so parallel parking is a thing of the past for me!

I circled the block and found ONE open space.  A space that looked like it was designed for one of those Little Tykes kiddie cars.  For a brief (illogical) moment, I thought I could fit.  I pulled up next to the spot and fortunately came to my senses before I did any damage.

I kept circling the block getting more uptight about trying to fit my huge car into one of the compact spots until – BINGO – there was a spot right in front of the building.  And it was the END spot on the block so I could just pull right up.  No embarrassing pull up, turn the wheel, back up, realize you are 3 feet from the curb, pull up, turn the wheel, back up, realize you are 2 feet 11 inches from the curb…

Whew.

By this point, I had 3 minutes to get in the building (Jill was speaking first and then signing so I did NOT want to walk in late.)

Problem #2: The parking meter.

I rarely carry cash and even less rarely carry coins (except for the 5 pounds of pennies that always seem to be in the bottom of my purse).  I would have gladly put 1,000 pennies in the meter, but no.  The snotty thing would only accept nickels, dimes and quarters.

Now I had 2 minutes to get in the building.

I dumped my purse on the floor of the passenger seat.  Nothing but pennies.  Not even ONE nickel.  I rummaged through the ashtray (again, mostly pennies) and found a few coins that I fed to the meter.

17 minutes on the meter.  Not enough.

I tore everything out of the console storage and flung it onto the passenger seat.  At the bottom I found 5 more pounds of pennies.  Plus enough change to give me an hour on the meter.

It looked like my car had been broken into, but I had an hour.  And 30 seconds to get in the building.

Problem #3: The chairs.

As soon as I sat down, I realized the chair I was in was terribly wobbly.  I had visions of it collapsing on the floor as Jill began her speech.  I sat motionless for a few minutes while listening to a group of ladies in front of me chatting away.  While I sat alone.  Sound familiar?

I finally moved over to escape the wobbly seat.  The second seat was just as wobbly.  I realized they must all be wobbly.  No one else had crashed down, so I convinced myself that I wouldn’t either.  Well, I mainly convinced myself.  Kind of.  Actually, not at all. I was still sure I was going down.

However, the vantage point of the new chair let me see WHO was chatting in front of me.  It was JILL!  I sat right behind her and didn’t even know it.  She was saying Hi to some high school friends before she began.

Jill was so down to earth and honest.  A heck of a wonderful lady!  I even felt comfortable enough to ask something during “question and answer” time.

I was able to chat with her for a bit while she signed my books but, of course there had to be one more problem.

Problem #4: I forgot to get someone to take my photo with her!

At least I took one photo of Jill while she was speaking.  But nothing else.

Jill Smokler Scary Mommy Book Signing

I decided that wasn’t acceptable.  I HAD to have a photo with Jill.

So now I do.

Jill Smokler REALLY Scary Mommy Book Signing

I really can’t say enough nice things about Jill.  She even commented on my blog recently.  Only because I threatened to take the Scary Mommy title from her, but the fact that she took the time to comment is pretty sweet.

I recently heard that Jill is going to be the keynote speaker at a new conference in our area this October so I will get to see her again!  I will make sure to get plenty of pictures!

P.S. In case you are wondering, I made it back to the car with 3 minutes to spare.

P.P.S. The unexpected perk of forgetting to get a photo with her?  Since I had to cut and paste myself into the photo, my unsteady hand on the mouse completely on purpose accidentally chopped off some of the junk in my trunk.  Easiest pounds I’ve ever (virtually) dropped.  If only it were that easy in real life.

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THE GIVEAWAY! (Ends 8/15/13)

Ways to enter to win a signed copy of “Motherhood Comes Naturally (and Other Vicious Lies)” are:

(1) LIKE the Momopolize Facebook Page AND comment on the PINNED status.  (If you already like the page, just comment so I know you want to enter.)

(2) SHARE the Momopolize Facebook Page on Facebook.  You get an extra entry EVERY time you share.  Just make sure to tag Momopolize (or me) in the share so I will make sure to count it for you!

Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days…

Kittens 1 week old 03-02-13

…unless the guests look like this.

Then they start to smell after three weeks (when they start eating kitten food).

Barely bigger than the cat toy, these foster kittens will be our house guests for the next 7 weeks or so.

Aren’t they just the cat’s meow??

“If only cats grew into kittens.” ~ R. Stern

The Birds and the Bees. And the Cats.

I almost had to explain a different meaning to “in the heat”of the moment.

Our current foster cat, Mona, was rescued with her 2 kittens, who were adopted a couple of weeks ago.  When a Momma cat realizes her kittens are “missing,” she frantically searches and howls for them for a few days.  It is sad.  They move on though.

But Mona started howling again.

Because she is in heat.

Moan-a is a good name for her right now.

Her actions prompted this conversation:

Hey good lookin'.  Buy me a glass of milk?
Hey good lookin’. Buy me a glass of milk?

Eric: Poor Mona.  She is still meowing and looking for her babies.

Me: MmmHmm.  She is looking for something all right.  But she is saying “come here baby” for a different reason.

Eric: She’s been a lot more playful since her kittens left.  She tries to play with Mushu ALL the time.  She crouches down with her butt up in the air like she’s going to pounce on him.

Me: MmmHmm.  I haven’t heard it referred to as “pouncing” before, but we can call it that.  However, she wants to be the pounce-ee

Eric: Mushu doesn’t seem like he wants to play though.

Me: MmmHmm.  Mushu doesn’t have the balls to “play” with Mona.  Literally.

OK, my actual response was just the “MmmHmm” part…but I THOUGHT the rest.

I could have used this as a teachable moment.  But the birds and the bees, kitty style, can wait.  I will let a pounce just be a pounce for a little longer.

Here she comes now sayin’ Mona Mona.  Hey.  Hey What?  Get lai…

Oops, probably not an appropriate song right now….

Since Mushu is neutered, Mona is just going to have to sing “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for…”

P.S.  Get your cats (and dogs) spayed (and neutered) to reduce pet overpopulation.  And so you don’t have to hear any Moan-a, Moan-a!

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Since I’ve had to listen to a cat meow non-stop for days, can you give me a couple of votes to help me forget about my headache?  Just a click is all it takes!

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Outfoxed by the Dogs

Our dogs ran off yesterday.  I looked outside and the gate at the back of our fenced yard was opened.  Panic ensued.  Lots of yelling, whistling and clapping (not sure what I thought the clapping would accomplish.)  I remembered the last time the escaped – they would never have stopped if I hadn’t been in pursuit – so I knew that, even though they had been out for less than 10 minutes, they could have been anywhere!

I started driving around (even though, as I said, they could have been anywhere).  Unfortunately all this occurred when I was supposed to be picking up the kids from school.  I pulled up to school 5 minutes late and yelled “GET IN!”  It could have been a get-away scene in a movie as we sped away.  OK, I wasn’t speeding.  Even in a panic I don’t speed in school zones.

After driving up and down every street around, I finally drove to a cul-de-sac that has access to the woods without trudging through waist-high brush.  I walked down the path and over the board “bridge” that crosses a creek.  It is literally a board.  Shockingly I didn’t fall in.  Admit it.  You were hoping I’d say I did.

I saw something brown pouncing around in the distance.  Then I saw TWO somethings brown.  I couldn’t get a good view, so stood there for a moment to make sure it wasn’t deer.  Too small for deer so it MUST be the dogs.

I started running through the muddy woods (in shoes I have only worn 3 times) getting closer and closer.  Yelling and whistling (and still clapping) even louder now.  I could only see one now and she wouldn’t come toward my calls.  She just kept jumping on top of a pile of branches, disappearing underneath them and reappearing again on top.

Photo: flickr.com/vince1471
Photo: flickr.com/vince1471

As I got really close, I stopped and got a good look.  It wasn’t the dogs.  It was a FOX!  And the branches were probably covering her den.

I just ran up on a Momma fox protecting her babies.

Crap!

Luckily she chose to forgive my stupidity and went back in the den as I ran back toward the car.

It had been over an hour, so my mind switched to figuring out which photo would show up best on the “Lost Dogs” flier.  Just then the phone rang.  A good Samaritan had my wet, muddy dogs in her garage!  They had followed the same creek I walked across all the way to her house.  About 3 miles away.

Photo bedbathandbeyond.com
Photo bedbathandbeyond.com

surprised emoticon freeclipart

I think I’m going to buy one of those Potty Patch thingamabobs and never let the dogs outside again.

P.S. We never use that gate because it only leads to the waist high brush – and I was the only one home all day – so I’m left with the mystery of….Who let the dogs out?  Who? Who? Who?

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Hunter S. Thomcat meet Bob B. McKitty

Guess what?  You know Hunter S. Thomcat, I’m sure.  He’s famous for being Jenny Lawson’s kitten.  She talks about him often on The Bloggess.  Well, I think we are fostering his long lost twin brother.  Bob B. McKitty.  I noticed a striking resemblance right away, but after reading her recent blog post I am convinced they are related.  You see, Hunter S. Thomcat is trying to kill The Bloggess.  She calls him “the silent killer, like carbon monoxide.”  You must read about it here (she even has video proof):  http://thebloggess.com/2012/10/hes-the-silent-killer-like-carbon-monoxide/#comments.

And, as you can see from the photos below…Bob is just as evil.  He is the not so silent killer, like a fart.  He has it in for Jimmy.  I really worry about Jimmy’s safety.

The two kittens MUST be related!!  They have to be!  So I’m totally related to the Bloggess now.  What?  Yes, I am.  Huh? Yes, it DOES in fact work that way.

Bob’s modus operandi…

Bob perches and waits for Jimmy to let his guard down.

Then he gives his best innocent look.

Then he goes in for the kill.

Hey, he’s trying to pull out the new piercing.  Attack away Bob.  Attack away.

I hope whoever adopts Bob is prepared for his “viciousness.”

And yes, I AM related to the Bloggess now.  So shut-up about it.