Tag Archives: Humorous

People of Walmart and Saying Goodbye To A Favorite

I didn’t have much hope for today since it was a holiday for school but not for work.  After the 477th distraction and hearing “we have nothing to eat” for the 329th time, I gave up on getting work done and went to the store to pick up a few essentials.

As I dart into Walmart in my old sweats, with no make-up, having visions of being the subject of a people of Walmart photo, I thought to myself, “I bet I see everyone I know.”  I was wrong.  I only saw half the people I know.  Never fails.  (But as long as there are people like this in the world, I think it’s safe to say my 15 minutes of fame won’t be from appearing on “People of Walmart.”)

I pick up enough food to sustain the boys for a couple of hours – well at least one hour – plus some cleaning supplies (the only positive to the kids being in trouble is the huge list of extra chores I get to make for them).  That’s all I came for so I head toward the checkout counter.

Somehow by the time I get to the front of the store, I have a cart full.  More food (4 hours worth now), more cleaning supplies (thought of more chores) and a $3 t-shirt so I wouldn’t have to do my laundry tonight.  Oh, and 2 pumpkins.  That was the most exciting thing I bought.  Until I went back for one more item…

Things were really looking up.  Until I got home and saw the “map.”  What???  Vermont Cream is GONE!!!!  No!!!!!!!!!!!  Why would they get rid of the BEST piece in the box??  Vermont Cream has been my favorite candy for as long as I can remember.  Now even my box of chocolate is having a shit day.

I notice a new addition.  Damn you “Maple Nut Butter.”  You stole my beloved Vermont Cream’s spot!  Why would they add that flavor when there is already “Maple Cream” which is just so…average.  I wanted to throw it in the trash but was curious what could possibly be good enough to take the spot of perfection.  I bit into it and…

It was DEE.  LISH.  US.  Vermont Cream, only smoother.  Buttery-er.  Yummier.  Vermont Cream, I will miss you.  We had many good years together.  But I guess sometimes you have to accept change.  And sometimes change IS good.

Make sure you check out the Raspberry Cream piece.  It came pre-smushed.  I swear it was like that when I opened the box.  Really!

Someone at the factory obviously didn’t know the “only smush the bottom” trick.

To keep me from eating the entire box, I said I’d share with the family.  But I got first choice(s) before they got to take any.

Before I let them have at the box I rearranged all the pieces so they didn’t match the map.  Yes, I wanted a bit of revenge for my shit day yesterday.

I found the perfect mug to use while eating my Vermont Cream Maple Nut Butter…I wonder if they sell them at Walmart?

Photo: zazzle.com

Good news today for you also.  Now that I got my fix, you should be safe from any other “sweet posts” for a while!


More people of Walmart…

Nice shirt.

Flames seem to be popular attire…


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There’s Waldo?

I was feeling pretty spiffy (yes, I really said spiffy) in my new shirt from Loft…until I caught a glimpse of my reflection and thought “THERE’S Waldo!!”  Hmmm, maybe that’s the reason the shirt was on sale at the outlet mall.  (The photo is supposed to be my ‘YIKES, I look like Waldo face.  But it looks more like a “YIKES, I’m turning into a fish face.  I should have consulted a teenage girl for pointers on taking self-photos with my cell phone.)

Then I got to thinking what it would be like to be Waldo.  To be right there in the middle of it all, but invisible at the same time.  It might be fun to just be able to observe everything around you.  To see what goes on when no one thinks you are there.  To find solitude among the masses.  To hide from the world for a while.

I think it would get lonely very quickly though and soon I’d be begging for someone to find me.  “Hey!  I’m over here!!!  No, no, not there.  That’s a red, white and blue beach ball.  I’m over here, waving frantically.  No, not there either.  That is an American Flag waving.”

You’d never think someone like Waldo would be hard to find.  Red and white striped shirt and hat with bright blue pants should easily be found an instant.  But if everything around you is the same, it all blends in.  It doesn’t stand out.  It is overlooked.

Some days you want to be unique.  Different.  Noticed.

Other days you want to hide in plain sight.  Like Waldo.

Now I will think of Waldo every time I wear that shirt.  But maybe it will make me pause and ponder, “Do I want to be lost or found today???”

Distressed and De-stressed

After explaining to Greg why I had been pounding our coffee table with a hammer to distress it and had put an antique finish on our kitchen cabinets, he replied,

“So you are TRYING to make them look old?  And beat up?  We usually get in trouble for that!!!”

There are many reasons people find antiques and faux antiques alluring.  Maybe they like the uniqueness.  Or they like the history of the piece.  Or it is appealing aesthetically.

For me it’s simple.  My kids trash everything.  So why not have items that look “old” and “beat up” on purpose.   The dings, dents, marks, chips and stains that I tried unsuccessfully to avoid suddenly “add character.”

Antique to me means one less thing to cause anxiety.  One less thing to cause anger.  One less thing to cause stress.

Distressed makes me de-stressed.

P.S. I highly recommend beating something with a hammer.  It is therapeutic.  Just make sure it is something, not someone.


Weekly Photo Challenge: Near and Far

An atypical take on the “Near and Far” challenge: With nothing except a leaf bug on the windshield, a cell phone camera and a plethora of uber corny leaf and plant related references, here’s my encounter with…


Upon exiting a building today, I had a growing fear that something was wrong.  I looked up, and couldn’t believe my eyes.  A legendary creature, feared by all had planted himself on top of the building.  Could it be?  Is it real?  It is!  Bugzilla!

                    Down from the trees
                          One story high
                         Spitting leaves
                    His head in the sky

I sprinted to my car as he leapt off the roof and  uprooted a near-by SUV.  It was reduced to a pile of rubble when he was finished.  He made a low screeching noise that sounded like a bark.

As I put the car in drive, Bugzilla noticed me.  He came creeping toward my car.  My nails dug into the steering wheel as I switched to reverse and sped away.

Good grief.  He sure looks like a leaf.  Go, go Bugzilla.

He’s mean.  And for-evergreen.  Go, go Bugzilla.

Bugzilla seemed determined to stick to his vendetta against mankind.  It appeared as if all would have to live in perennial fear. But suddenly, Bugzilla branched out his fury and began to turn on his own kind.  He mercilessly attacked OTHER GIANT BUGS, destroying them one by one.

The poor Beetles didn’t stand a chance.

Poke Your Face while the H.O.E. in Texas Strips? Huh??

Greg was 4 when Lady Gaga’s song “Poker Face” first became popular.  When it came on the radio one day, this was his reaction…

Photo credit www.defendingcontending.com
  • Greg: Turn it off!  I don’t like that song!
  • Me: Why don’t you like it?
  • Greg: It’s a mean song.  They tell you to poke your face!!
  • Yes Greg, that IS mean.

Made me wonder what lyrics he would hear if Lady Gaga did any other songs about the card game…

  1. Five Card Draw – “That song tells you to draw on cars.  That’s illegal.”
  2. H.O.E. Poker – “Dad, what’s a H.O.E. and why would you want to poke her?”
  3. Texas Hold’em – “The singer called someone named Tex an asshole and dumb.”
  4. Strip Poker – “That song says losers have to take their clothes off.”

Oh, wait.  You got that one right Greg.


Yes, H.O.E. is an actual game of poker.  I did NOT make that up!

Gangnam Style – Viral Sensation or Viral Infestation?

I was so excited about the increased views of my blog since being Freshly Pressed.  Views of my blog have been coming in by the thousands.  Well, sometimes the thousand.  And other times the hundreds.  But I’m an internet sensation, or at least a WordPress sensation.  Right?  Oh, what’s that you say?  “Thousands” means nothing on the internet?  The latest viral sensation on youtube right now has 131 MILLION views and climbing??  Oh.  Wow.  That must one absolutely EXCEPTIONAL video to get that much attention.  Phenomenal, remarkable, surpassing all expectations!   I MUST go watch this.

GANGNAM STYLE VIDEO: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bZkp7q19f0_ (For the 47 people that haven’t already seen it.)

Photo credit www.facebook.com/OFFICIALPSY

Wow, I was right.  That IS one EXCEPTIONAL video.  I just had the wrong definition of exceptional.  Peculiar, abnormal, nothing I would ever expect to see!  I think I will refer to the singer as Psy-cho.  The video is full of bizarre outfits and scenarios.  One of my favorite is the fake explosion with the person nearby jumping out of the way.  Unfortunately, they jump out of the way about 5 seconds AFTER the explosion.  Amazingly, they seemed unharmed. Another scene shows Psy sitting on the toilet.  Lovely.  Psy supposedly popularizes a “new” dance called “riding the horse.”   Sorry, but Will and Carlton dancing to “Jump On It” on the Fresh Prince of Bel Air show comes to mind.  Now that is rad.

Photo credit www.businessinsider.com

JUMP ON IT video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7h-2UmHuxQ   (For the 131 million that are too young to have seen that episode.)

Now for the confession.  I can’t get this “exceptional” song out of my brain.  Please.  Get.  It.  Out.  Of.  My.  Head.  I have been singing it over and over (and over and over) all day long.  I even re-watched the video.  Twice.  Alright, alright.  I admit it.  I’m listening to it as I type this.  For me, it isn’t a viral sensation.  It is a viral infestation.  I can’t rid my mind of it.

“Oppan Gangnam Style” is the full title of the song, which translates as “your big brother is Gangnam Style.”  The best part of this craze is “Umma Gangnam Style” or “Mom is Gangnam style.”  Middle aged woman steps up to the challenge.  No, she one-ups!  This Mom has some serious moves while dancing to Psy’s song.  I saw somewhere that the Mom is 60, but I am inclined to believe that was written by a teenager who thinks anyone over the ago of 30 is “60.”  If she really IS 60, I want her secret.

Photo credit to www.dailypicksandflicks.com

UMMA GANGNAM STYLE video:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDJXgiUe_EM)

The Umma video “only” has 4 million+ views but deserves as many as the original version in my opinion.  That Mom, that Umma – now SHE is a sensation.  You go Mom!

Just what IS it about this song that makes it so “exceptional??”  I think it is the outrageous factor.  And possibly some sublimal messages that make it impossible to stop thinking and talking about.  If that is what is required to go “viral,” I think I’m out of luck.  There is no way my brain could come up with something that outlandishly memorable.

So, for now, I will enjoy writing in my little part of the internet, millions of views or not.  While I listen to Gangnam Style.  Again.

Time to call an exterminator. 

Blogging For Idiots

Text conversation after I discovered Jim’s accidental post on my blog (see “Publish = Blog Entry, Not Comment” for the story).
Me:  You have made me laugh for the past hour.  You MUST read my new blog entry.  It is an explanation of “my” blog entry from this morning.
Jim: OK, but I have that look of horror on my face again.
Me: You should. Let’s just say I found your “comment.”  And so did the rest of the blogging world.  Go to momopolize.com to read it…NOT wordpress.com.
Jim (after reading blog): Does that make me a blogger?
Me:  Sure.  You are now a blogger.
Jim: Yeah!  Maybe I’ll get that book deal.  Blogging for idiots.


Sorry, Jim.  Looks like it’s not in the cards for you.  Maybe “Commenting for Idiots?”

(photo from nulledtemplates.com)

Publish = Blog Entry, Not Comment

Important warning to all bloggers:  One must be sure to log out of WordPress on husband’s computer when finished.  Or one may find a new mysterious blog entry next time one logs on.

My husband, Jim, finally decided to read Momopolize.  “Gee honey, it only took you 3 weeks.  Thanks.”  Oops.  I forgot, I promised to play nice.  I meant “Gee honey, you took the time to read 3 weeks of blogs in one day.  Thanks!!”  After reading, he decided to post a complimentary comment about my new blog.  Only he didn’t post a comment.  He put his comment as a new blog post.  And PUBLISHED it.  For the world to see.  So for everyone who viewed the new blog entry from earlier today titled “I hope no…”, now you have an explanation.  I’m sure you’ve been wracking your brain all day trying to figure out the mystery.

At least now I know I’m not the most technologically challenged person in the family.

This was Jim’s “comment” blog entry seen ’round the world.

“I hope no one sees how long I’ve been reading this. I never realized how much I miss of my own family. What an interesting time from 2:30pm to 6:00pm each week day. I know I don’t say it enough, but thank you for all you do! Love you.”

I hope this dispels any rumors that I am narcissistic for posting my immense appreciation and love for myself.

Honey, repeat this 3 times:  Don’t click “add new post.”  Ever.  Thanks for the kind comment though.  I really do appreciate it.  And for giving me my laugh for the day.  And material.  Lots of material for my blog.  Writing my blog is easy.  I simply regurgitate the antics of my family!

I’m not really a writer. I just play one in real life.

Tales of a Tattle

Greg: “Eric called me a snitch.”
Me (to Greg): “Just tell him that’s not nice.”
Me (to Jim): “He is snitching about being called a snitch.  Do you see the irony here??”
A minute later…
Greg: “Now he called me a tattle-tale for telling that he called me a snitch.”
Jim:   “Greg, what is the definition of a tattle-tale?”
Greg: “Someone who tells on someone else that isn’t doing something very bad.”
Me:    “And what are you doing now?”
Greg: “…oopsie…”
  • Greg: “I’m going to go play Jake’s PS3.”
  • Me:    “Did Jake say it is ok?”
  • Greg: “Yes, he owes me time because he punched me but I didn’t tell.”
  • Me:   “Well…you kinda’ just did.”