During my months of blog neglect, the blog post ideas have been building. I may not be able to remember things like why I walked in the kitchen, that my sunglasses are on top of my head or that I can’t find my cell phone because I’m talking on it…but the ideas don’t seem to go away until I get them out on paper. Well, actually out on keyboard. So bear with me for a while as I get some posts published that should have been done months ago.
This post, for example, is from when I met Jill Smokler (a.k.a. Scary Mommy) in April. << Instructions at the end of the post on how to enter the giveaway for the signed copy of “Motherhood Comes Naturally (and Other Vicious Lies).” >>
After my first book signing debacle with Momastery’s Glennon Melton, I was a little anxious about going to another one. I really wanted to meet Jill Smokler though, so I did.
I arrived at the signing 15 minutes early. But – you should know by now there is always a BUT – there were some “issues.”
Problem #1: “City” parking. Everything near the building was street parking.
I live in Suburbia and drive a Suburban (stereotype pinnacle here) so parallel parking is a thing of the past for me!
I circled the block and found ONE open space. A space that looked like it was designed for one of those Little Tykes kiddie cars. For a brief (illogical) moment, I thought I could fit. I pulled up next to the spot and fortunately came to my senses before I did any damage.
I kept circling the block getting more uptight about trying to fit my huge car into one of the compact spots until – BINGO – there was a spot right in front of the building. And it was the END spot on the block so I could just pull right up. No embarrassing pull up, turn the wheel, back up, realize you are 3 feet from the curb, pull up, turn the wheel, back up, realize you are 2 feet 11 inches from the curb…
By this point, I had 3 minutes to get in the building (Jill was speaking first and then signing so I did NOT want to walk in late.)
Problem #2: The parking meter.
I rarely carry cash and even less rarely carry coins (except for the 5 pounds of pennies that always seem to be in the bottom of my purse). I would have gladly put 1,000 pennies in the meter, but no. The snotty thing would only accept nickels, dimes and quarters.
Now I had 2 minutes to get in the building.
I dumped my purse on the floor of the passenger seat. Nothing but pennies. Not even ONE nickel. I rummaged through the ashtray (again, mostly pennies) and found a few coins that I fed to the meter.
17 minutes on the meter. Not enough.
I tore everything out of the console storage and flung it onto the passenger seat. At the bottom I found 5 more pounds of pennies. Plus enough change to give me an hour on the meter.
It looked like my car had been broken into, but I had an hour. And 30 seconds to get in the building.
Problem #3: The chairs.
As soon as I sat down, I realized the chair I was in was terribly wobbly. I had visions of it collapsing on the floor as Jill began her speech. I sat motionless for a few minutes while listening to a group of ladies in front of me chatting away. While I sat alone. Sound familiar?
I finally moved over to escape the wobbly seat. The second seat was just as wobbly. I realized they must all be wobbly. No one else had crashed down, so I convinced myself that I wouldn’t either. Well, I mainly convinced myself. Kind of. Actually, not at all. I was still sure I was going down.
However, the vantage point of the new chair let me see WHO was chatting in front of me. It was JILL! I sat right behind her and didn’t even know it. She was saying Hi to some high school friends before she began.
Jill was so down to earth and honest. A heck of a wonderful lady! I even felt comfortable enough to ask something during “question and answer” time.
I was able to chat with her for a bit while she signed my books but, of course there had to be one more problem.
Problem #4: I forgot to get someone to take my photo with her!
At least I took one photo of Jill while she was speaking. But nothing else.
I decided that wasn’t acceptable. I HAD to have a photo with Jill.
So now I do.
I really can’t say enough nice things about Jill. She even commented on my blog recently. Only because I threatened to take the Scary Mommy title from her, but the fact that she took the time to comment is pretty sweet.
I recently heard that Jill is going to be the keynote speaker at a new conference in our area this October so I will get to see her again! I will make sure to get plenty of pictures!
P.S. In case you are wondering, I made it back to the car with 3 minutes to spare.
P.P.S. The unexpected perk of forgetting to get a photo with her? Since I had to cut and paste myself into the photo, my unsteady hand on the mouse completely on purposeaccidentally chopped off some of the junk in my trunk. Easiest pounds I’ve ever (virtually) dropped. If only it were that easy in real life.
THE GIVEAWAY! (Ends 8/15/13)
Ways to enter to win a signed copy of “Motherhood Comes Naturally (and Other Vicious Lies)” are:
(1) LIKE the Momopolize Facebook Page AND comment on the PINNED status. (If you already like the page, just comment so I know you want to enter.)
(2) SHARE the Momopolize Facebook Page on Facebook. You get an extra entry EVERY time you share. Just make sure to tag Momopolize (or me) in the share so I will make sure to count it for you!
If you didn’t win, don’t be blue! I will have a paperback copy of Parenting Gag Reel to give away next week and as a THANK YOU for participating in my first ever giveaway, you will be automatically entered for that giveaway also (and then I will be done with giveaway posts)! Maybe I’ll even figure out Rafflecopter by then. 😉
I will message the winners tomorrow! I will need to get an email address to send the Parenting Gag Reel prize and to know if you would like a Kindle or Nook version. Then just watch for an email from Life Well Blogged with the link for your free download!
Ever wonder where the phrase “Winner Winner Chicken Dinner” originated? According to the infinite wisdom of Askville by Amazon…
“Years ago every Las Vegas casino had a 3 piece chicken dinner with potato and veggie for $1.79. A standard bet back then was $2.00, hence when you won a bet you had enough for a chicken dinner. So now you know the rest of the story.”
Consider that tidbit my “gift” to the rest of you!
This is the story of why Glennon Melton thinks I’m bananas.
When I arrived for the Carry on Warrior book signing, the line was already winding through Books A Million.
The store was decorated with balloons and banners for the “birth” of Glennon’s book.
To complete the baby shower experience, favors were handed out
Including Twizzlers, of course.
I got in line behind the dozens and dozens of Momastery fans that were already there and within a few minutes, the line was longer behind me than it was ahead.
I was surrounded by groups of Monkees laughing and chatting. I quickly realized something awful. I was the ONLY person that had come to the signing ALONE.
I expected to see a light hanging from the ceiling flashing Loser. Loser. Loser. With an arrow pointing at ME.
No worries, I thought. “I will just pretend like I have sooo many friends I’m texting and chatting with on FB. Cell phone to the rescue! What??? 18% battery left??? Crap. If I get on Facebook, I will drain my battery before I can get a photo with Glennon.”
Panic set in.
I resorted to blankly perusing books from the shelves next to the line. After staring intently at the cover of one book for several minutes – without actually reading it, since I was in too much of a tizzy to actually focus on anything – I realized I was staring at a book called “Assassin’s Creed.”
Great, now everyone in line thinks I’m a loser AND a psychotic killer.
I suck at chit-chat, especially with strangers but I always struggle with it even with people I know. Small talk is a big stressor. I either can’t think of anything to contribute to the conversation or I babble on and on like an idiot. There doesn’t seem to be any in between with me. I’m either a faucet that won’t turn on faster than an annoying drip or one stuck on full blast, with everyone dodging the splashing water.
So I continued to stand there in silence listening to the conversations and fun going on around me, while staring blankly at more book covers (and yes, I had 3 copies of Carry On Warrior in a bag in my hand, but did it even cross my mind to use the awkward time reading? No. Not once.)
I’m surprised I didn’t leave. Between feeling like an outcast, a bit claustrophobic (I’m not normally, but this store was packed!), not eating dinner before I went and standing there in high heels, I was having visions of passing out and taking down the aisles of books with me. I’m sure you can picture what I mean…a domino of shelves knocking down one after another after another until the entire store is in shambles.
Fortunately – or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it – I COULDN’T leave because I was getting a book signed for someone who injured her knee and couldn’t stand in line. And before you say I should have loudly announced that bit of information to prove that I DO in fact have friends, I have never met her. She posted on the Momastery Facebook page asking if anyone could take her copy to the signing, and since I live in the same town I offered. (Side note: We HAVE messaged back on forth on FB since the signing and discussed meeting for lunch when she is, literally, back on her feet. She didn’t get great test result news from her injury so send her some healing thoughts please!)
Glennon made her grand entrance right on time. With all the squeals and applause, it sounded like a rock concert. She had the entire room mesmerized with her words of welcome.
And yes, she is on a ladder!
After Glennon put her feet back on the ground, she soon began signing. At least the line began inching along. But what happened next is one of those “What was I thinking???” moments. Since the crowd was so huge, index cards were handed out. Everyone was allowed 30 seconds with Glennon when they reached the coveted front of the line position, so if there was anything I wanted Glennon to hear that would take more than 30 seconds, I was instructed to write it on the card and leave it in a basket for her to read later.
I guess the anxiety of standing alone in the crowd with an empty stomach and aching feet caused temporary insanity to set in. I started scribbling away.
Here is the gist of what I filled up every inch of that card with. It began innocently enough. But then took a turn for the nutso.
“Glennon, Congrats on your much deserved success. I don’t comment much on your blog, but I adore your posts. I wish I had the opportunity to get to know you when we both lived in the same neighborhood! I think I am going to just keep writing until this card is completely full because I’m convinced I am the ONLY person here alone and I feel like an idiot standing here in silence. Everyone else is chatting happily with a group of friends and I’m just feeling totally AWK. WARD. Hopefully I won’t have a full on panic attack or anything. I’d probably pass out and hit my head on the corner of a bookshelf and get a gash in the shape of an “L” on my forehead, which would confirm what I’m sure everyone is thinking right now. Well, I guess now I will go back to randomly staring into space while everyone else is enjoying the company of their buddies. I can’t even retreat to Facebook because my phone battery is almost dead and if it dies I won’t be able to get a photo with you. Sorry for the sloppy hand writing. I wrote this while holding the index card in my hand. Palms are very bumpy. Well, I’m out of room now. K, bye!”
And I signed it. First AND last name. Yeah, I know. Sigh.
As we rounded the corner that was about the half way point, I think I must have looked pathetic enough that the group of Monkees in front of me took pity on me. They turned around and told me I looked familiar. I – completely jokingly – said “maybe you recognize me from my blog.” Unfortunately I don’t think it came off as a joke. Surprisingly, they kept talking to me anyway. I don’t think I said much else, since I already stuck my foot in my mouth once, but just the APPEARANCE that I was standing in their group made me feel included. Ahhh, I may survive this evening after all. Monkees to the rescue!
The second half of the wait was much more enjoyable because I only felt slightly anti-social, plus we were in a more open area of the store and the end of the line was at least in sight even though we still were no where near the end.
Finally, after almost 3 hours in line, I was up next. Before I continue, I must digress for a minute. I don’t normally have a get-all-giddy-over-celebrities personality. I never have. I don’t watch the Oscars nor read People magazine. No teeny-bopper posters plastered all over my room when I was young. The closest thing I had to a teen heart throb was Andy Gibb (I did have a t-shirt with his photo on it). Once a Redskin’s football player rented a house on my street, but I didn’t give it much thought (my husband on the other hand…total bromance.). Even when I met Melissa Gorga of the Real Housewives of New Jersey, I wouldn’t say I was starstruck. Don’t get me wrong, having lunch with her was an exciting and nerve-wracking experience, but I think I was more freaked out about official “press” photographers being there (I hate getting my picture taken) and trying to make small talk (or big talk) with a diva (she didn’t act like one). She even made a comment that it was the first time she had a lunch and talked about something OTHER than RHONJ (I’m still not sure if she was pleased about that or offended that I didn’t fawn over her more).
So imagine my surprise when I set my books down on the table for Glennon to sign and this squeaky, squealy, overly-excited voice appeared out of no where and spewed,
“Ohmygawd! I’m soooo excited to meet you well we may have met before our sons were in the same class in 1st grade but I don’t know if we actually met or not but I wish we had because I know we would have been great friends what? his name is Eric McKeown M C K E O W N which doesn’t look like it should be pronounced Mc Q N but it is I asked Eric if he remembered Chase and he said yes I remember seeing him at Petsmart one day when we were in class together but we never had play dates together isn’t it funny the things that kids remember but they can’t remember where they put their shoes 5 minutes ago oh and I also have lyme disease and I went to JMU but I’m sure I’m older than you so we didn’t get to meet there either but don’t we just have so much in common? I feel like we have been friends even though we haven’t and I just loooove your blog and you are such an inspiration I just hope one day I can somehow help even a fraction of the people that you have helped this copy is for Lisa that copy is for me and the third I’m going to give away on my blog what? yes I write a blog what? ohmygawd I would loooove to email you the link to my blog so you can check it out that just made my day that is so awesome thank you soooo much you are going to be here really late signing books you must be so excited that so many Monkees came out to see you but I bet you are going to be tired tomorrow and you don’t really get to rest because you have to go to you next stop on the tour what? no it hasn’t been 30 seconds I just started talking to Glennon I still have more to say why are you grabbing me by the arm sir? oh wow I get a personal escort out of the store you guys are just too sweet you really know how to make a gal feel special let’s do lunch love ya’ bye! “
I found my inner starry eyed teeny-bopper.
I think I reacted this way because Glennon is doing what I dream of doing. And doing it exceptionally well. Maybe I don’t swoon over singers or actors because I don’t want to be one. But an author, now that is something I admire. And an author that uses her talents and influence to help others. Wow. Now if only Jenny Lawson, a.k.a. the Bloggess, would bring her book tour near me, I just may be reduced to tears. I DID foster her cat’s long lost brother after all.
On my way out I said goodbye to my new friends – you know, the people in front of me in line – and we exchanged names and said we’d look for each other on the Momastery page. But come to think of it, they only gave me their FIRST names. Hmmm.
As soon as I got home, I emailed Glennon. Not once, but twice. Then I told Jim about my adventure, including the uncharacteristic gushing adoration and the index card, assuming he would laugh. Instead he got a look of horror on his face and said, “but you didn’t actually give her the index card, right?” I told him that I had indeed.
Cue the crickets.
I think I know the title of my memoir. “Carry Out Wackier.”
Click HERE to enter to win the signed copy of Carry On Warrior. I promise I didn’t add any insane gibberish anywhere on it. I only do that on index cards. And verbally. Don’t worry. If you win, you can give me a P.O. box address to mail it to. Because I’m sure NONE of you want me knowing where you live after reading this post! 😉
And in case you haven’t already heard me shouting it from the rooftops, I am in a book! It was released the same day as Carry On Warrior. My kids heard me say was that I was “going to a book signing.” The next day they excitedly asked how many people showed up. I wasn’t sure why they were so curious about the success of Glennon’s book but they ooohed and aaaahed when I told them around 500. When they asked if my hand got cramped, I realized what they thought. Talk about dejected faces when I broke it to them that I was GETTING an autograph, not giving them. Sorry to disappoint fellas.
“My” book is “Parenting Gag Reel: Hilarious Writes and Wrongs” which is the 4th book in the best selling series published by Life Well Blogged. It contains a collaboration of writing from 40 bloggers and a portion of the proceeds goes to Autism Speaks. It made it to #10 in the Kindle store’s Parenting & Families category and hopefully will go to #1 when the paperback is released (should be released within a week). Don’t be surprised if you see me sitting on the floor in a corner at Books A Million with a balloon tied to my wrist begging people to take signed copies of the paperback. Gotta’ make those kids proud somehow.
I’ve never offered a giveaway before and I’m starting out with a doozy!
Hardcover copy of Carrior On Warrior SIGNED by Momastery’s very own Glennon Melton!
5 Copies of Life Well Blogged’s book, Parenting Gag Reel, Kindle Version. A portion of the proceeds will go to Autism Speaks!
Life Well Blogged’s Kindle Fire giveaway
I was fortunate enough to go to the first book signing event for Carry On Warrior and have a signed copy to give to one lucky Monkee! I had planned to write more about the book signing (which was amazing) in this post, but will have to tell all in another post. You know, because life is hard. And today I’m not feeling up for doing hard things. So I’m doing easy things…like giving things away.
Five lucky winners will receive Kindle downloads of the 4th book in Life Well Blogged’s popular series. “Parenting Gag Reel – Hilarious Write and Wrongs” contains hilarious (i.e. the title) stories from 40 fantastic popular bloggers (well, 39 fantastic bloggers…plus me. But hopefully my stories will make you giggle as well. 😉 ). I’m very excited about the book and know you will love it too!
In honor of the Parenting Gag Reel Release, Life Well Blogged is also giving away a Kindle Fire when they reach 1000!!
I am doing an “old school” giveaway. I will write all the entries on pieces of paper, put them in a basket, and choose one for each prize! Now that is REALLY old school!
To enter the giveaway for the books (any or ALL below…the more you do, the more entries you get):
1. Facebook – Become a fan by going to www.facebook.com/Momopolize. Click “Like” AND leave a comment about one of my posts you read (other than this one). Once you click the like button, hover over it and select “Get Notifications.” (If you do this from your personal FB account AND a Blog FB page, you get TWO entries! Just make sure to comment as both.)
2. Bloglovin’ – Follow me on this blog reader by going to http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/6028789/momopolize. You can sign in using your Facebook account or sign up with your email address. Once you log in, simply click the “Follow” button for Momopolize! No comment necessary for this entry.
3. WordPress – Follow me here (at the top of this page) and comment below about one of my posts you read (other than this one).
To be eligible to win the Kindle Fire, you must also:
1. Sign up for Life Well Blogged’s email list at http://www.lifewellblogged.com/contact/. Abbey from Life Well Blogged will be randomly choosing the winner for the Kindle Fire and will notify the winner directly.
Book giveaway entries will be accepted until 11:59pm EST 4/11/13. Then watch for a new post on Friday April 12 to find out the book winners! (The winners will have until 4/19/13 to respond with contact information for me to send the prize.)
(The end date for the Kindle Fire will depend on when Life Well Blogged reaches the 1000 requirement.)
Need some giggles NOW? Go ahead and download Parenting Gag Reel today! It is only $2.99! AND the best part is that a portion of that goes to charity! What if you buy a copy and then win ANOTHER copy? You can make someone else’s day brighter by giving them the gift of laughter! Click on the link below to purchase. Paperback version of the book should be out next week!