Category Archives: Happiness

Happiness, Inspiration, Life, Parenting, Uncategorized

Want To See Me With BIG Hair??

7 Comments

Anyone who knew me in the 80s knows I can rock me some big hair.  You can help me get a Jersey girl make-over with Melissa Gorga’s (Real Housewives of New Jersey) make-up artist.  You can also help me get a trip to NYC, including lunch with Melissa, as well as some other fun goodies.  I’m one of 10 finalists for the Voli Light Vodka’s Housewives Hero contest.  And I need your vote!

Just click this link, go to the second page of stories and vote for my story (Angela M).  I will be eternally grateful.  No, I’m serious.  I will!

https://www.facebook.com/#!/volispirits/app_489717107739723

I’ve never been to NYC so I’m shamelessly begging for votes.  And I’ve only been on 2 trips without kids in the past 16 years!  Feeling sorry enough for me yet to click the link and vote? 😉

Not feeling pity?  Well how about curiosity?  If I win, I will post many photos of me with some majorly big make-over hair.  I have super thick hair so when I say big, I mean BIG.  No “bump it” help needed here. That should be plenty of incentive to want to help me win.

Unfortunately I’m starting out at a disadvantage because voting began almost a week ago, but I just got notified today.  Go figure.  But I’m hoping my friends and readers will come through for me and vote every day (yes, I will be a pain in the butt until Friday.  I apologize in advance.).

As a teaser, here’s a glimpse into the big hair era.  And this was the 90s.  You will just have to imagine how big the 80s look was.  Unless I win, of course.  Then you will see it first hand.

And my best “Real Housewives” impersonation…with Jim “The Situation”

Go big, or stay home.  I want to go big.

Please vote!  🙂

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My kids totally burst my bubble when they saw those photos.  “That’s YOU Mom??  You look nothing like that now.”  I wanted to say “Yeah, that was before YOU gave me grey hair and wrinkles.”  😉  BUT…with a make-over by Melissa Gorga’s make-up artist…

Charity, Halloween, Happiness, Humor, Life, Uncategorized

Don’t Pull Down My Underwear

6 Comments

“Trick Or Treat, Give Me Something Good To Eat” was supposed to happen today.  But Sandy happened instead.  She shut down everything here for the past two days.  Frankenstorm apparently wanted something BAD to eat.

The lyrics to that song end “…if you don’t, I don’t care.  I’ll pull down your underwear.”  I realize I didn’t give something good to eat.  Yet.  But I do care.  So please don’t pull down my underwear.  I vote for pantsing Sandy instead.

The song has another verse that ends “…not too big, not too small.  Just the size of Montreal.”  The piles of food in my living room are pretty much the size of Montreal!  The generous donations and words of encouragement I received have been nothing short of incredible.  I just love living in a community that is so wonderfully caring of those less fortunate!  I have Mount Royal right in my living room (That’s a mountain in Montreal.  I Googled it…don’t overestimate my knowledge of geography.).

Notice the guard cat, Mushu.  I gave strict orders to keep all kids away from the donations.  He and Bob B. McKitty take shifts and both look pretty ferocious with their glowing eyes.

In case anyone makes it past the cats, there is back-up security.  The hand has a motion sensor that triggers the fingers to wiggle.  It is jointed just like a real hand so it actually looks like it is trying to grab you.  Ain’t nobody goin’ near the food with that freaky thing around!

I must admit I’m bummed about coming up with Plan B Plan C Plan D for this event.  I’m not looking forward to figuring out how to incorporate a “trick or treat” idea into a post-Halloween event.  It may not be possible to reschedule immediately, so it may be closer to Thanksgiving than Halloween by the time it is held. Leave it to me to schedule an outdoor, community-wide event on the same day as the storm of the century.

I thought of referring to it Thanksgivoween, but my kids kept re-phrasing that to Thanksgivoweenie.  But hey, maybe I could serve turkey hot dogs and just run with that idea!  

I guess I’ll just follow the lead of retail stores and overlap holidays.

Photo: www.toilette-humor.com

It blows when things don’t work out as planned, but as long as you remember what is important, you can always weather the storm.  The treats WILL get to the children that need them, regardless of whether they are wearing costumes and saying “trick-or-treat” or if they are wearing turkey feathers and saying “I want to gobble up some treats!”  How they get the food isn’t what is important.  THAT they get the food is.

But I’m still mad at Sandy.  ________________________________________________

Many prayers go out to everyone that had much more than a trick-or-treat event ruined by Sandy.  Way too many people were not fortunate enough to avoid the havoc she wreaked.

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(I promise to try to start using the real camera instead of my crappy quality cell phone.  Try being the key word.)

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Happiness, Humor, Life, Parenting, Uncategorized

What Happens In Greensboro Doesn’t Stay In Greensboro

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Random ramblings from my weekend trip to Greensboro for a wrestling tournament with Jimmy.

ROAD-SIDE SIGHTINGS:

  • A dude cutting the antlers off a dead deer on the median.  “Look at the rack on that deer!!  Isn’t it awesome?? No, it wasn’t shot, it was hit by a car.  No, it wasn’t MY car.  But I saw it.  And I sawed it.”  Does it really bring pride to mount that on your wall?
  • Another dude riding his bicycle with no handle bars in the middle of the left lane of a busy 4 lane highway.
  • 3 dudes riding horses, also on a 4 lane highway.  Better watch out for the guy with the saw.  He may go after anything on the side of the road…
  • 2 full moons, neither was actually in the sky.  First was a little boy going number 1 at the edge of the woods.  Other was from a horse trailer.  As we followed, I worried the horse would do what the little boy was doing.  But number 2.
  • 2 horse’s asses, neither was actually a horse.  Some people take high school sports tournaments to the extreme.  They were more full of crap than the horse in the trailer.
  • 3 fushia tow trucks.  Yes, 3.  The first 2 could potentially have been the same truck that just got behind us twice but the 3rd one was a couple of hours later.  Didn’t realize fushia is such a popular color choice in the towing industry.

NEAR MISSES:

  • Car almost ran us off the road.  Billy Joel’s “Only The Good Die Young” was playing on the radio.
  • Car almost pulled out in front of us.  Pat Benetar’s “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” was playing.

RESTAURANTS DINED (not a low-cal weekend):

  • Fatz restaurant which served Ozzie Rolls that were similar to Sweetwater’s (my fav restaurant) that came with CINNAMON butter.  Cinnamon! Dessert before dinner anyone??
  • Ham’s restaurant, including a Skillet Cookie.  We did at least eat this after our entrée.  

Ham’s impressively had TVs for viewing in every spot of the restaurant.  Every spot.  Including the bathroom.  A TV in the mirror.  How cool is that?

MOODY BLUES (what makes a teen angry):

  • Starving him.  One restaurant had an hour wait list.  Jimmy wanted to go pick up Burger King while we waited.  I had the gall to say no.
  • Roasting him.  The thermostat in the hotel room was a point of contention.  Jimmy’s room at home is in our basement which is freezing year round, regardless of the temperature in the rest of the house.  After I got in bed, I thought he was joking that he set it to 54 degrees.  He wasn’t.  I woke with icicles on my eyelashes.
  • Insulting him.  When trying to console him after a loss, I thought it would be comforting to remind him that the competition at this tournament was the “best of the best” but to teen ears, that meant I was telling him he sucked.
  • Waking him.  He was snoring like a chainsaw so I kept throwing pillows at him.  Luckily each bed had 4 pillows so I had lots of ammunition.  One landed on his face.  The snoring stopped.  I thought I had suffocated him.  (Yes, I did get up to take it off his face and make sure he was still breathing.)

WHAT HURTS THE MOST:

Jimmy spent most of the wrestling season last year inured with a torn shoulder and then a broken hand.  In the back of my mind, I’m worried about him being out injured again.  This tournament was one of the toughest in the country so, while I was excited for Jimmy to see what that level of competition is like, I was concerned about him getting injured before the season even starts this year.  My fears kept growing as we saw the following signs every 1/2 mile for most of the car ride…

As we got close to the tournament, we saw this exit sign.  When I see something unusual in life, I always think it is a “sign” and has a deeper meaning.  I thought this was both literally and figuratively one of those “signs.”  Especially since the tournament was held at a coliseum ON Rt. 29.

At the tournament, the medical staff had a freakin’ x-ray machine there.  Jimmy said “You know it’s a serious tournament when they need their own x-ray machine.”  I said you know it’s a bad omen when they need their own x-ray machine.  After all of the “hurt” signs, I was convinced we were doomed to a trip to the ER.

Luckily I was wrong about the impending injury.  At the end of the day, the only thing injured was his pride when he didn’t place at the tournament.

NOT-SO-INTERESTING FACT:

The 5+ hour (one way) trip was all on Rt. 29, except for about 15 minutes.  It only required making 4 turns, including the road into my neighborhood.  But I still entered it into the GPS for directions.

CHEERY CHERRY:

It was mostly a cheerful weekend.  I mean how can it be a BAD weekend when you eat at Fatz and Ham’s?  Oink, oink.

We even got to have a good laugh every time we took a ride on the elevator.  Check out the elevator inspection certificate.  Best name ever.  Commissioner Cherie Berry!  Would have made a good Batman character name.  Sure, she may pronounce it Sherie but she will always be Cherry Berry to me.  And who knew there was an “elevator bureau?”  And it has a chief.  Too bad Cherie isn’t the chief.  Chief Cherie Berry.  Now THAT would be the best name ever.

Seriously, it was nice to have one-on-one time with my teenager, especially since those moments seem to be numbered as he approaches adulthood.  Spending a weekend alone with Jimmy made me realize my kids would be wonderful “only children.”  They can apparently be very pleasant when they don’t have anyone to argue with.  😉  Except at a only-half-awake-don’t-talk-to-me 6am breakfast… Looks like he needs some coffee in that cup instead of juice.

And there are some other “perks” to road trips.  It’s a good excuse to relax after sitting in uncomfortable bleachers for 12 hours.  And Jim thinks I was being “nice” by offering to drive to NC.  “Ah, yes, I’m a saint.  I will drive one to NC while you stay home and take care of the other 3, the pets and the house.  I’m just that nice.”  

Maybe next time I’ll look for a hotel with a TV in the mirror and watch the tournament on TV from the jacuzzi.  And register as Cherie Berry.  Now THAT would be a trip.  Calgon, take me away…

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See that share button down there?  It would make Cherie cheery if you press it.  🙂

Happiness, Humor, Life, Parenting, Uncategorized

McQNisms 10-19-12

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Me: What did you just say???

Jake:  Uhhh…Shoot.  I just said shoot!

Jimmy:  There definitely was an I in there.

Jake:  I shoot?

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Jimmy: (while listening to Pandora)  “Yes!  I’m going to thumbs up the crap out of this song.  Wait, that sounded really wrong.”

(For those of you not familiar with Pandora, you listen to songs and can indicate if you like it or not by clicking on a button with a thumb pointing up or a thumb pointing down.  A song came on that Jimmy REALLY likes.)

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Jim (texting me that he picked up a pumpkin flavored bakery treat): I got you a muffin top, pumpkin.

Me: I’ve had a muffin top for years that I can’t get rid of.  And don’t call me pumpkin.

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Not really a McQNism, but a voice mail message I received from Jake: “Um, hi Mom.  Um, I got in trouble in Art class for, um, twisting a guy’s nipple and I have detention Monday for it.”  I heard him cover a giggle with a cough while he was leaving the message.  Probably with the dean standing right next to him.   At least he didn’t call it a purple nurple in front of the dean.   When he got home and I tried to discuss it with him, it was obvious we were both holding back laughter.  Bad parent.  But I mean, how do you discuss a purple nurple without laughing??  I wonder if the dean was secretly chuckling also…

Happiness, Health, Humor, Illness, Joke, Life, Parenting, School, Uncategorized

Blowing Chunks or Blowing Smoke?

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The dreaded words first thing in the morning for me are “Mooooom, I feel like I’m going to throw up.”  The one thing that can’t be proven true or false until it is too late.  Flu?  Check for a fever.  Strep throat?  Get out the flash light.  But vomiting?  No way to know for sure.

My kids are not morning people (NO idea where they get that from…) so frequently come up with excuses for why they can’t possibly go to school that day.  Unfortunately, the excuse of choice now seems to be the threat of hurling.

You see, I used to feel confident in my ability to spot a faker.  I could smell one a mile away.  The conversation used go like this…

Me: “Time to get up for school!”

Kid: “I caaaaan’t.   I feel like I’m going to throw up.”

Me: “OK, just lay there.  Sometimes it goes away once you wake up.” (Hope: they will forget and in a few it will just be a normal yawn, not a technicolor one.)

Me (5 minutes later): “Time to get up for school!”

Kid: “I caaaaan’t.  I feel like I’m going to throw up.”

Me: “Ok, get up. Quick!  Go stand over the toilet!” (Hope: that standing over the porcelain god will make them realize they don’t want to pray to it.)

Kid (5 minutes later): “I didn’t throw up…but I still feel like I might.”

Me: “Let’s go eat some toast.” (Hope: if he doesn’t lose his breakfast, he won’t ‘lose his lunch’)

Kid (after eating the entire piece): “It didn’t help.”

Me: “Eat this cookie.” (Hope: if you can eat a cookie, you won’t toss your cookies.)

Me (after cookie is inhaled): “Time to get dressed.”

Kid: “I caaaan’t.  I still feel like I’m going to throw up.”

Me: “Nope, the cookie always works.  It’s a fact.  Let’s go.” (Hope: throwing out absolutes like ‘always’ and ‘fact’ make it clear the throwing up conversation is over.)

Fast forward to after school…

Me: “What’s up, Chuck?  How was your day.”

Kid: “Great.  But who’s Chuck?”

This scenario replayed time and time again.

Until the day it didn’t.

Within 5 minutes of arriving at school, it happened.  I won’t say who it happend to, because it is still a touchy subject.  But he threw up.  In his classroom.  In front of all of his classmates.  All over the place.  It wasn’t fake this time.

I was mortified when I got the call.  When I arrived at school, I got the one-eyebrow-raised look, along with the words  “He said he told you he was sick this morning.”  Yep, he did.  For the 5th time this month.   The other 4 times I was RIGHT.  Can’t we just focus on that??

I wanted to start spouting “the boy who cried wolf” life lessons but instead rushed to the car with my tail between my legs.  Guilt mounted as I listened to a regurgitation (pun intended) of every itty bitty minute detail of what happened.  I started to feel sick to MY stomach over the incident.  Not because of the grossness, but the humiliation!

Since then, the conversation has changed to…

Me: “Time to get up for school!”

Kid: “I caaaan’t.  I feel like I’m going to throw up!”

Me (while already dialing the school absentee line): “OK, sweetie.  Feel better and get back to sleep!”

Unfortunately, kids can smell fear a mile away.  They know I’m terrified of a repeat of the catastrophe.  That my “faker” radar is broken.

The frequency of “sick days” keeps increasing.  But every time, they are out of bed and fine by 10am.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m thankful they aren’t puking all day.  I don’t want them to be puking.  I just want them to be not puking AT SCHOOL.

I just know the first time I push one of them out the door, I’m going to get the dreaded call.  And the dreaded look.  And the dreaded guilt.  So they stay home. “Sick.”

I’m not sure how many more of these days I can stomach.  I need a way to know if they are truly nauseous or if it is just another nauseating attempt to sleep in.  I have no patience with the patient once it is obvious that they are, in fact, well.  By the end of the day, I’m so annoyed that I got suckered again that I should probably call it a “sick of YOU day!”

Maybe I should send them to school with a note that says “Watch under.  He may chunder!”

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Does anyone else have problems with kids staying home from school for not-so-sick days??

Cooking, Happiness, Humor, Joke, Life, Parenting, Uncategorized

If You Give A Kid A Bag Of Pancake Mix

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Jake:  Can I make some Krusteaz pancakes?  (That’s the pancake mix brand but Jake says it more like Crustyass).

Jake:  How many should I make?  12-14 or 18-21?

Me:  Depends how hungry you are.

Jake:  I’m going to share too.

Me:  Then make the biggest batch size.

Jake:  There’s one for 260-280 pancakes.

Me:  That should be good.

Jake:  Where’s the cord for the griddle?  What temperature?  Is this bowl ok? Where’s a spatula? Where’s the wisk? What are the instructions?  Where on the bag?  (I nodded, pointed and held up fingers to answer)

Jake: So did you say I should do 18-21?

Me:  If that’s what you heard, sure.

Jake:  Where’s the griddle? (Yes, one would think that question would have been asked when he looked for the cord.).  Why isn’t the griddle in the same cabinet as the cord?

Me:  We like to keep you guessing.

Jake:  Can I make chocolate ones?

Jake: Can I add chocolate chips too? (more nodding)

Jake:  What the heck??  They are Buttermilk pancakes but the recipe doesn’t have any milk???

Me:  Weird, huh?  Some recipes just add water.

Jake:  I don’t care what the recipe says.  I’m adding milk.  Buttermilk pancakes have to have milk.  And butter.  And Ovaltine.

Me:  You rebel.

Eric:  Owww!  Moooom, Jake threw something at my foot.

Jake:  No I didn’t.  The wisk fell out of the bowl.

Me:  Eric, if he was going to throw it at you, he wouldn’t aim for your foot.

Jake: I can’t get all the lumps out.

Me:  Those are chocolate chips.

Jake:  Was I supposed to turn the griddle on?

Me:  You did.

Jake:  But it’s off now.

Me:  It does that when it gets hotter than 350 and then turns back on when it cools off.

Jake:  That’s dumb.  Why can’t it just stay at 350?

Me:  It likes to keep you guessing also.

Jake:  It turned back on.  You can relax now people.

Jake:  Why are you typing?

Me:  I’m writing my blog.

Jake:  You aren’t writing a blog about me making pancakes are you?

Me:  Pssh, no.

Jake:  Was I supposed to Pam this?

Me:  No, Pam doesn’t need to help.

Jake:  Moooom, they are burning.  Oh, nevermind.  I forgot they are brown because they are chocolate.

Jake:  I made a straight long one.  Who ever said pancakes have to be round?

Me:  Well, the “pan” part kind of implies the shape.  You really are a rebel.

Jake:  It only made 6 pancakes and the batter is already gone.

Me:  That’s because they didn’t expect you to make them the size of the entire griddle.

Jake:  I can’t flip it.  Where’s a back-up spatula?  I need 2.  Oh man, it ripped.  Can I glue it?

Me:  Yes, but call it icing.

This one either needs a nose job…or is an Angry Bird!
Happiness, Humor, Labor Day, Life, Parenting, Uncategorized

McQNisms: Don’t Get The Water Gun Wet (and More)

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This is my first post of McQNisms – funny little tidbits of our lives that aren’t quite enough to be a post on their own, so I’ll combine a bunch into one.

Why “McQNisms?”  That’s how our last name, McKeown, is pronounced.  Mc-Q-N.  Many of you that know me in real life are probably reading this right now saying “THAT is how you are supposed to say it??”  We are so used to it being pronounced incorrectly, we just answer to anything now.  McKeon or McKnown or McQueen or McKeeOwwIn or – my favorite – McCowin.  Just think of it like JR Ewing from Dallas.  But with a “Mick” at the front and no “guh” at the end.

I wish I had funnier ones for the inaugural McQNisms…but this week it’s all I got!  I even had to recycle a couple of old Facebook statuses.

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Me:  You left the bin of Super Soakers outside and it is raining!  They are going to get ruined.

Photo: mediaite.com

Eric:  Mom, they are water guns. And you are telling me not to let them get wet…

Touché, Eric.  Touché.

____________________

While Jimmy was listening to “Dude looks like a lady” by Aerosmith, Eric asks “Is that about Justin Bieber?”

_____________________

Photo: chopra.com

Discussion about Jake’s teammate that had to leave their football game because of an injury (since then we’ve found out he has a concussion but is ok)…

Jake:  They wanted him to go to the emergency room because he hit his head pretty hard.  They said it wasn’t good because he was seeing colors.

(Greg gets a look of horror on his face)

Greg: But I see colors all the time!

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As I was getting ready to go to back to school night at the high school…

Me: I think I just go straight to your first block class, right?

Jimmy: I don’t know.  Didn’t you go to back to school night the past 2 years?

Me: Yes, but all I remember is feeling lost.

Jimmy:  You just described my entire Freshman year.

Photo: collegeotr.com

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Cupcakes, Happiness, Humor, Inspiration, Joke, Uncategorized

Life is a Piece of Cake

2 Comments

Reposting here for anyone that didn’t get over to Cupcakes Take The Cake to see it     (and because I haven’t had time to write anything new!)

Photo credit: www.wilton.com
People. Cake.
People like cake. 
People are like cake!

Building a friendship is a lot like baking a cake. The most important thing to remember is to take your time because a small mistake along the way can have a large impact. When baking, each step in the process of turning individual ingredients into a baked treat is crucial and rushing through one can destroy the finished product.  The same is true for a friend…

  • Completely cream the butter and sugar to keep get rid of any grittiness. You want your friendship to be as smooth as possible.
  • Don’t over-beat the eggs. No one wants to end up with a dense friend.
  • Sift the flour and add slowly or you will have a bumpy ride.
  • Properly grease the pan or you will end up in a sticky situation.
  • Don’t set the oven too high or the friendship will end up a little burnt around the edges.
  • Don’t set the oven too low or you will have a friend who is half-baked.
  • When things get heated, take the time to let things cool off or everything will just crumble apart.
  • Perfecting the batter of your relationship will provide a good foundation for a sweet, lasting friendship. And having a truly good friend in life is the icing on the cake.
Photo credit: www.wilton.com

Use your imagination for a moment and visualize the people you encounter on a daily basis as cupcakes. The different “flavors” you meet are countless!

  • Vanilla Cupcakes with Caramel Filling seem plain and boring at first glance, but once you get to know them you find they are filled with sweetness.
  • Chocolate Ganache Cupcakesget attention because they are rich and decadent, but you get your fill of them very quickly and don’t want to see another one for a while.

    Photo credit: www.wilton.com
  • Devil’s Food Cupcakes, the troublemaker that you just can’t stay away from. You know they are bad for you, but you just can’t help yourself.
  • Turtle Cupcakes are a little nutty, but basically close to perfection.
  • Red Velvet Cupcakes appear very regal, but upon closer examination are actually ordinary but try to make themselves look like something special by adding something artificial.
  • Strawberry Champagne Cupcakes are the life of the party, but at the end of the night can leave a bad taste in your mouth.
  • Maple Bacon Cupcakes initially seem odd but end up being refreshingly original.
  • Savory Corn Cupcakes don’t sugar-coat anything.
  • Lemon Meringue Cupcakes have a bitter outlook when at the bottom but lighten up when they are on top.
  • Blueberry Cupcakes are your loyal, true blue friends.
  • Cupcakes with Fancy Decorations create an instant attraction to their beauty but you find out they have no substance and can be dry and stale.
  • Don’t get me started on Muffins. They are just so fake.
Photo credit: www.photojojo.com

You can actually turn your friends into cupcakes with edible photo toppers!

Wouldn’t it be fun to select a cupcake flavor that best describes each of your friends and put their photo on top?  You could throw a party where each friend would see what you think of them by the flavor you picked…well, maybe that wouldn’t be a good thing after all!!

If YOUR friends were cupcakes, what kind would they be???

 

Happiness, Humor, Inspiration, Joke, Life, postaday, Uncategorized

There’s Waldo?

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I was feeling pretty spiffy (yes, I really said spiffy) in my new shirt from Loft…until I caught a glimpse of my reflection and thought “THERE’S Waldo!!”  Hmmm, maybe that’s the reason the shirt was on sale at the outlet mall.  (The photo is supposed to be my ‘YIKES, I look like Waldo face.  But it looks more like a “YIKES, I’m turning into a fish face.  I should have consulted a teenage girl for pointers on taking self-photos with my cell phone.)

Then I got to thinking what it would be like to be Waldo.  To be right there in the middle of it all, but invisible at the same time.  It might be fun to just be able to observe everything around you.  To see what goes on when no one thinks you are there.  To find solitude among the masses.  To hide from the world for a while.

I think it would get lonely very quickly though and soon I’d be begging for someone to find me.  “Hey!  I’m over here!!!  No, no, not there.  That’s a red, white and blue beach ball.  I’m over here, waving frantically.  No, not there either.  That is an American Flag waving.”

You’d never think someone like Waldo would be hard to find.  Red and white striped shirt and hat with bright blue pants should easily be found an instant.  But if everything around you is the same, it all blends in.  It doesn’t stand out.  It is overlooked.

Some days you want to be unique.  Different.  Noticed.

Other days you want to hide in plain sight.  Like Waldo.

Now I will think of Waldo every time I wear that shirt.  But maybe it will make me pause and ponder, “Do I want to be lost or found today???”