Category Archives: Humor

Life is a Piece of Cake

Reposting here for anyone that didn’t get over to Cupcakes Take The Cake to see it     (and because I haven’t had time to write anything new!)

Photo credit: www.wilton.com
People. Cake.
People like cake. 
People are like cake!

Building a friendship is a lot like baking a cake. The most important thing to remember is to take your time because a small mistake along the way can have a large impact. When baking, each step in the process of turning individual ingredients into a baked treat is crucial and rushing through one can destroy the finished product.  The same is true for a friend…

  • Completely cream the butter and sugar to keep get rid of any grittiness. You want your friendship to be as smooth as possible.
  • Don’t over-beat the eggs. No one wants to end up with a dense friend.
  • Sift the flour and add slowly or you will have a bumpy ride.
  • Properly grease the pan or you will end up in a sticky situation.
  • Don’t set the oven too high or the friendship will end up a little burnt around the edges.
  • Don’t set the oven too low or you will have a friend who is half-baked.
  • When things get heated, take the time to let things cool off or everything will just crumble apart.
  • Perfecting the batter of your relationship will provide a good foundation for a sweet, lasting friendship. And having a truly good friend in life is the icing on the cake.
Photo credit: www.wilton.com

Use your imagination for a moment and visualize the people you encounter on a daily basis as cupcakes. The different “flavors” you meet are countless!

  • Vanilla Cupcakes with Caramel Filling seem plain and boring at first glance, but once you get to know them you find they are filled with sweetness.
  • Chocolate Ganache Cupcakesget attention because they are rich and decadent, but you get your fill of them very quickly and don’t want to see another one for a while.

    Photo credit: www.wilton.com
  • Devil’s Food Cupcakes, the troublemaker that you just can’t stay away from. You know they are bad for you, but you just can’t help yourself.
  • Turtle Cupcakes are a little nutty, but basically close to perfection.
  • Red Velvet Cupcakes appear very regal, but upon closer examination are actually ordinary but try to make themselves look like something special by adding something artificial.
  • Strawberry Champagne Cupcakes are the life of the party, but at the end of the night can leave a bad taste in your mouth.
  • Maple Bacon Cupcakes initially seem odd but end up being refreshingly original.
  • Savory Corn Cupcakes don’t sugar-coat anything.
  • Lemon Meringue Cupcakes have a bitter outlook when at the bottom but lighten up when they are on top.
  • Blueberry Cupcakes are your loyal, true blue friends.
  • Cupcakes with Fancy Decorations create an instant attraction to their beauty but you find out they have no substance and can be dry and stale.
  • Don’t get me started on Muffins. They are just so fake.
Photo credit: www.photojojo.com

You can actually turn your friends into cupcakes with edible photo toppers!

Wouldn’t it be fun to select a cupcake flavor that best describes each of your friends and put their photo on top?  You could throw a party where each friend would see what you think of them by the flavor you picked…well, maybe that wouldn’t be a good thing after all!!

If YOUR friends were cupcakes, what kind would they be???

 

Guest blogger for Cupcakes Take the Cake!

http://www.cupcakestakethecake.blogspot.com/2012/09/life-is-piece-of-cake.html

I was selected as a guest blogger for Cupcakes Take the Cake!  Yay!  Please click the link above to read my post, and then PLEASE click the LIKE button on their website, so hopefully I will be asked back in the future. 🙂

(Of course, LIKEs here are always appreciated too.  That goes without saying!)

The Tarnished Golden Rule

After a football game loss, a member of the opposing team upset Eric by giving him a hard time at school…

Eric:  I can’t wait to play them again.  I hope we win this time so I can go to school and tease THEM about losing.

Me:  Remember, do onto others…

Eric:  I know.  The ‘others’ were mean ‘unto’ me, so I will be mean ‘unto’ them.

Me:  No…it means you treat them the way you WANT them to treat you, not the way they DID treat you.

Eric:  I like my version better. 

The Trillion Dollar Question

I usually don’t post about politics, but…

Eric (age 9): “I don’t understand political commercials.  One will say ‘Obama will raise taxes for middle class America’ and then right after that there will be a commercial saying ‘Romney will raise taxes for the middle class.’  How are you supposed to know what they will actually do if they are President??”

That, my dear, is the million trillion two trillion dollar question.  If you can figure out the answer, the voters will elect YOU in November!

How can you tell if a politician is lying?

His lips are moving.

~unknown

There’s Waldo?

I was feeling pretty spiffy (yes, I really said spiffy) in my new shirt from Loft…until I caught a glimpse of my reflection and thought “THERE’S Waldo!!”  Hmmm, maybe that’s the reason the shirt was on sale at the outlet mall.  (The photo is supposed to be my ‘YIKES, I look like Waldo face.  But it looks more like a “YIKES, I’m turning into a fish face.  I should have consulted a teenage girl for pointers on taking self-photos with my cell phone.)

Then I got to thinking what it would be like to be Waldo.  To be right there in the middle of it all, but invisible at the same time.  It might be fun to just be able to observe everything around you.  To see what goes on when no one thinks you are there.  To find solitude among the masses.  To hide from the world for a while.

I think it would get lonely very quickly though and soon I’d be begging for someone to find me.  “Hey!  I’m over here!!!  No, no, not there.  That’s a red, white and blue beach ball.  I’m over here, waving frantically.  No, not there either.  That is an American Flag waving.”

You’d never think someone like Waldo would be hard to find.  Red and white striped shirt and hat with bright blue pants should easily be found an instant.  But if everything around you is the same, it all blends in.  It doesn’t stand out.  It is overlooked.

Some days you want to be unique.  Different.  Noticed.

Other days you want to hide in plain sight.  Like Waldo.

Now I will think of Waldo every time I wear that shirt.  But maybe it will make me pause and ponder, “Do I want to be lost or found today???”

Distressed and De-stressed

After explaining to Greg why I had been pounding our coffee table with a hammer to distress it and had put an antique finish on our kitchen cabinets, he replied,

“So you are TRYING to make them look old?  And beat up?  We usually get in trouble for that!!!”

There are many reasons people find antiques and faux antiques alluring.  Maybe they like the uniqueness.  Or they like the history of the piece.  Or it is appealing aesthetically.

For me it’s simple.  My kids trash everything.  So why not have items that look “old” and “beat up” on purpose.   The dings, dents, marks, chips and stains that I tried unsuccessfully to avoid suddenly “add character.”

Antique to me means one less thing to cause anxiety.  One less thing to cause anger.  One less thing to cause stress.

Distressed makes me de-stressed.

P.S. I highly recommend beating something with a hammer.  It is therapeutic.  Just make sure it is something, not someone.

 

Bombeckoned, Beyond Wit’s End (DP Challenge: Stylish Imitation)

Erma Bombeck is remembered as more than just a brilliant writer.  She paved the way for wives and mothers to openly admit the difficulties encountered in every day life.  She broke away from the status quo and embraced imperfection.   She is legendary for her ability to tell the stories of her life with incredible humor and unwavering honesty.   The following story is my tribute to Erma.  While Erma’s gift to “tell it like it is” is exceedingly difficult to replicate, she will always have a huge influence on my writing.

BROTHER BRAWLS

I don’t understand why siblings seem to make it their goal in life to be cruel to each other.  Sometimes I think they do it just to get a reaction out of me.  And they usually do.  The meanness will make my blood boil faster than a pot of water.

One day, Eric and Jake were having an argument that escalated to the point that I felt I needed to step in and ask “What happened??”  Both started spewing out responses at the same time.  “He started it.” “I didn’t do it.”  “It’s his fault.”  “It’s not my fault.”  I interupted, “Woah, wait a minute.  From the beginning!”  Eric responded, “Well, it all started when I was born and…”  Maybe you are on to something Eric.

Jake enjoys looking at videos on Youtube.  I saw his most recent search on the computer.  “How to annoy people.”  I don’t think any instruction is needed for that topic.

Jake got in trouble for calling Eric a nerd for reading the newspaper.  When I reprimanded him about it, he concocted the answer “That was a compliment.  It means Not…Ever…Really…Dumb.”  Good save.

Jimmy and Jake were having a pretend fight as we were leaving a football game.  Jake rolled on the ground while Jimmy “kicked” him.  An elderly lady came up and yelled for them to stop fighting.  Jimmy tried to inform her that it was ok because they were brothers but Jake interjected, “No we aren’t.  I don’t know him.  He’s bullying me!”  Jimmy couldn’t convince her otherwise and they both ran to the car while she yelled after them.  Jimmy and Jake still quote her sometimes.  “Don’t make me have to go get my badge!”  To this day we can’t figure out what kind of badge she would have had.

The game “punch buggy” involves punching someone in the arm every time you see a VW Bug.  During an intense “punch” game, Greg was getting frustrated because he was in the back row of our Suburban and couldn’t reach anyone.  I saw him kicking and was ready to scold him when he yelled “Kick buggy, no kick back!”  All I could do was laugh.  The game eventually got out of control and the punching was banished because of too many injuries and complaints.  A few minutes later Greg exclaimed, “Say buggy, no say backs!”

Eric came to inform me that Greg called him “dumb.”  Greg ran in and defensively responded, “I did NOT.  I called you dork.”  Yes, that is much better.

Just when I was about to lose all hope of them ever getting along, the following conversation happened on the way to the first day of school for Greg.  Eric asked if Greg knew where to go and Greg said he couldn’t remember.  Eric put his hand on Greg’s shoulder and reassured him, “Don’t worry.  I will show you the way.”

With moments like that, maybe brotherly brawls and parental peace actually can coexist.  Hopefully they will show me the way when I forget.

Weekly Photo Challenge: Near and Far

An atypical take on the “Near and Far” challenge: With nothing except a leaf bug on the windshield, a cell phone camera and a plethora of uber corny leaf and plant related references, here’s my encounter with…

BUGZILLA!

Upon exiting a building today, I had a growing fear that something was wrong.  I looked up, and couldn’t believe my eyes.  A legendary creature, feared by all had planted himself on top of the building.  Could it be?  Is it real?  It is!  Bugzilla!

                    Down from the trees
                          One story high
                         Spitting leaves
                    His head in the sky
                              Bugzilla!

I sprinted to my car as he leapt off the roof and  uprooted a near-by SUV.  It was reduced to a pile of rubble when he was finished.  He made a low screeching noise that sounded like a bark.

As I put the car in drive, Bugzilla noticed me.  He came creeping toward my car.  My nails dug into the steering wheel as I switched to reverse and sped away.

Good grief.  He sure looks like a leaf.  Go, go Bugzilla.

He’s mean.  And for-evergreen.  Go, go Bugzilla.

Bugzilla seemed determined to stick to his vendetta against mankind.  It appeared as if all would have to live in perennial fear. But suddenly, Bugzilla branched out his fury and began to turn on his own kind.  He mercilessly attacked OTHER GIANT BUGS, destroying them one by one.

The poor Beetles didn’t stand a chance.

A Real Pain in the Coccyx

It isn’t often that a broken bone is funny.  Unless, of course, the bone has a funny name.  And the patient is a 13-year-old boy.

Jake literally got knocked on his butt last night during his football game and was still in a lot of pain this morning, so off to the urgent care center we went.  Had to stop myself when asked the reason for the visit.  “Jake is a pain in the…uh…I mean Jake HAS a pain in the butt.”

Jake’s reaction to showing the female nurse “where it hurt” was enough to get me in a giggly mood.  The blushing cheeks and the one word please-let-this-be-over answers showed that the nurse’s questions were much more painful than the injury.

Once she left the room, Jake announced that he needed to fart (boys feel the need to proclaim that hourly).  The conversation went something like… “Don’t you dare!” “But I have to.” No, this is a tiny room and the doctor will be in any second.”  “I can’t hold it.”  “Don’t do it!  The doctor may think it was me!!”

When the doctor came in, the first thing he said was “Yes, you can smell it in the air…”  I glared at Jake as if to say TELL ME YOU DIDN’T DO IT!!!  Fortunately, the doctor continued his statement “Yes, you can smell it in the air.  Football season and the injuries it brings.”  Whew.  I had to cover my face to hide the chuckling over what I thought the statement was referencing.  I’m not sure what the doctor said for the next 5 minutes, because I was using all of my focus trying to maintain my composure.

For some reason, hearing someone say buttocks is hysterical to boys.  Every time it was mentioned, Jake would smirk and glance at me.  “Did you get hit in the buttocks or did you fall on your buttocks?”  Snicker.  Snicker.  “Does your right buttock hurt more than your left buttock?” Snicker.  Snicker.  And so on…  I was trying to do anything to prevent an outburst of laughter.  Bit my lip.  Fake coughed.  Thought of the ending of Toy Story 3.  That worked.  The doctor probably thought I was overreacting a bit to be tearing up about the injury but at least I wasn’t going to be known as the Mom who laughed at her child’s broken bone.

Photo credit www.backpainsavvy.hubpages.com

By the time the doctor began talking about the crushed coccyx bone, I could barely contain myself.  “The bones in your spine curve in at your lower back and then once it gets below the sacrum, it curves back out.  The bone that sticks out at the bottom is the coccyx.”  A bone called the coccyx sticking out below the sacrum…well, I’m sure you can picture the expression on Jake’s face.  The word buttocks is funny to a teen boy; the word coccyx is hilarious.  Add in the word sacrum, and it’s too much to handle.  I couldn’t even look Jake in the eye because I knew if I did, I would be rolling on the floor.

If there is going to be a bone referred to as the “funny bone,” I think the coccyx bone would be a better choice than the elbow.  But then again, the skin covering the elbow is sometimes referred to as the wenus so, yeah, I guess that is funnier.  Hey docs, who named these body parts anyway??

Now before I get slammed for being unsympathetic, I do feel very bad for Jake.  I know first-hand that it is very painful because I broke my tailbone falling down some stairs once.  Perhaps a problem of weak cheeks runs in the family?  Our family just tends to find humor in strange places.  Just imagine if he broke his humerus bone…

If laughter is the best medicine, Jake should heal very quickly.  I surely hope this injury doesn’t cause Jake to be the butt of any jokes.

Poke Your Face while the H.O.E. in Texas Strips? Huh??

Greg was 4 when Lady Gaga’s song “Poker Face” first became popular.  When it came on the radio one day, this was his reaction…

Photo credit www.defendingcontending.com
  • Greg: Turn it off!  I don’t like that song!
  • Me: Why don’t you like it?
  • Greg: It’s a mean song.  They tell you to poke your face!!
  • Yes Greg, that IS mean.

Made me wonder what lyrics he would hear if Lady Gaga did any other songs about the card game…

  1. Five Card Draw – “That song tells you to draw on cars.  That’s illegal.”
  2. H.O.E. Poker – “Dad, what’s a H.O.E. and why would you want to poke her?”
  3. Texas Hold’em – “The singer called someone named Tex an asshole and dumb.”
  4. Strip Poker – “That song says losers have to take their clothes off.”

Oh, wait.  You got that one right Greg.

__________________________

Yes, H.O.E. is an actual game of poker.  I did NOT make that up!