Category Archives: Joke

Humor, Joke, Life, Parenting

Facebook Funnies. At the Hop.

4 Comments

My response to Jake whacking Eric with a banana…

“Stop that!  You’re going to bruise the banana!”

I will make sure to add that story to my Mother of the Year acceptance speech.

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Eric wanted me to listen to his favorite song, Radioactive by Imagine Dragons. I thought I’d never heard of it,  but when it started playing I knew the song immediately. I’ve sung along many times as it played on the radio but instead of singing “Radioactive,” I thought the lyrics were “Ready to Whack You.”

It never occurred to me how ridiculous that was until I saw the expression on Eric’s face when I told him.

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(I should have sung along using MY lyrics while Jake hit Eric with the banana.)

For more funnies, make sure to like my facebook page, as well as checking out the other pages linked up below!  (I’m co-hosting the FacebookLove Hop every Thursday in July.)

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Welcome to the new FacebookLove blog hop!

Here are the rules:

  1. Linkup your Blog’s Facebook page URL.
  2. ‘LIKE‘ your host and co-hosts pages.
  3. Return the likes of other participants.
  4. Grab a Hop Button below and place it on your sidebar so others can join in.
Mommy Mentionables
<div align="center"><a href="http://www.mommymentionables.com/category/blog-hop/" title="Mommy Mentionables"><img src="http://www.mommymentionables.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/250pxFBBlogHopButton1.jpg" alt="Mommy Mentionables" style="border:none;" /></a></div>

Some Things to NOTE:

  • Like other FB pages from your PERSONAL profile. This important since Facebook does NOT count likes if you like a page from your PAGES.
  • We highly encourage you to return the like of everyone who has liked your page.
  • We recommend when liking a page, to please leave a comment on their page or send them a message that you are LIKING them from the FacebookLove Hop so you’re LIKE is not overlooked.
  • After the Hop, check your Facebook SPAM content – Go to Edit Page, Activity Log and Spam which is over on the left sidebar. Facebook is known to SPAM comments or messages from others if multiple comments or messages are sent in a short period of time.

Don’t forget to Tweet & Pin this Hop!

Now on to the Hop!

FIRST Meet and ‘LIKE’ your Host and Co-hosts!

Mommy Mentionables (Host)

Momopolize (Co-Host)

momopolize button 125x125
Momopolize (Co-Host)



Guest Blogger, Humor, Inspiration, Joke, Life

Featured On the Erma Bombeck Writer’s Workshop Website. Life. Complete.

5 Comments

You read that right.  I have a post featured on the Erma Bombeck Writer’s Workshop site!

For those of you who know how much I idolize Erma, you know this is just…just…I have no words.

Click here or the photo below to see the post.  I don’t care if you read it or not (ok, yeah I do.) but just go look.  Go see MY face right next to a video of ERMA.  When you click play, she is talking to ME.

What?  It is SO possible.  Haven’t you ever seen Long Island medium??

Just go watch.  She is staring RIGHT AT ME while she talks.  You’ll see.

Erma Bombeck featured post

(I accept your apology and won’t say “I told you so.”)

I LOVE that in the video, she tells of a writing class she took and was feeling much doubt about being able to do it.  Her instructor said 3 words to her after he read her class project that stuck with her and inspired her for the rest of her career.  “You. Can. Write.”

When I first started blogging, there was a writing challenge called “Stylish Imitation.”  The whole “imitation is the sincerest form of flattery” concept.  The tribute I wrote, “Bombecked: Beyond Wit’s End” tells why I admire Erma with a feeble attempt to copy her UNcopyable style by telling imperfect stories about my family (the stories ARE pretty funny, even if they don’t sound like Erma.  So you should go read it.).

Erma was the original Imperfect Mom and shared that with the world, perfectly.  And hysterically.

“If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.” ~Erma Bombeck

I could quote her all day.  But then you wouldn’t go see my posts.

“If you can’t make it better, you can drink a lot.” ~Angela McKeown

P.S. A huge thank you to my blogging friend Vikki at Laugh Lines for making this possible.  I think Vikki has Erma’s spirit at the keyboard with her.  I have many, many new laugh lines from reading her posts.  Since you’ve already got your reading glasses on (and you know you do), you should go read her blog also.)

Humor, Joke, Life, Parenting

Open windows are dangerous. Thousands of reputations have been injured by them.

6 Comments

I didn’t really post enough on FB this week for a “wrap up” but one thing I did post has gone gangbusters.  Who knew this little pic I made would be so popular???  Thanks to Mommy Needs A Break for sharing it with her gazillion Facebook fans who in turn have shared it hundreds of times!

Guess I’m not the only one who forgets… 😉

Don't scream when the windows are open

Now share this post!

Then go buy Parenting Gag Reel!  My stories are in Chapters 1 and 6 and the 39 other bloggers in the book are hysterical.  It will make you laugh as much as this picture did!  Plus a portion of the proceeds goes to Austism Speaks, so buying the book will make your heart smile too!  The paperback version is anticipated to be released next week!

Please WRITE A REVIEW on Amazon if you’ve already read it!

Happiness, Health, Humor, Inspiration, Joke, Parenting

Lying about our age. Ladies, we’ve been doing it all wrong.

36 Comments

Remember being a kid and wanting people to think you are older than you are?

“I’m 12.  And a half.”

Don’t forget the half.

As adults, we reach a point when that changes.  Rounding up our age is no longer desirable.

So we lie. I bet my Mom has had more 29th birthdays than your mom

For years I jokingly told my kids I was 29. Mostly jokingly. Well, sort of jokingly.

One day I finally came to the realization that saying I was 29 was essentially telling
my kids that I got pregnant when I was 12.

Not exactly the morality message I want to send.

Just why DO we try to hide our true age? Why is it impolite to
ask a woman her age?  It’s not like we’ve done something wrong.

“Oh gosh. I can’t believe I aged 365 days this past year.  PLEASE don’t tell anyone!”

I mean, we don’t have a choice. Everyone single person ages a day every single day of their lives. No matter what.  So why does that suddenly become something to disguise?

And anyway, I realized I had it all wrong. Totally wrong!  Why would I want to say I’m younger than I truly am?

Since turning back time is only possible in movies, ultimately don’t we just want to look young for our (real) age?  To feel young for our age?

When I’m saying I’m 29 but am actually 39, people are just going to think,

“Dang girl!  You look like crap for 29!

Goal not accomplished.

So listen up ladies!  When you lie about your age, don’t subtract 10 years.  ADD 10!

Then people will say,

“Wow!  You look incredible for 49!  What’s your secret??”

Or better yet , just tell the truth.

I’m 44. And a half.

Don’t forget the half

How old are YOU??

Humor, Joke, Life, Uncategorized

See kids? Veggies are soooo yummy!!

6 Comments

I won the weekly “Caption That” contest over at Can I Get Another Bottle Of Whine With My Morning Quiet Time.  Thanks Kate!  My little Momopolize button gets to proudly sit on her sidebar for a week!

See kids?  Veggies are soooo yummy!!

To see the actual story behind the photo above, click here —> Caption That (Round 26).  You can also submit your own entry for this week’s photo!  Her blog is guaranteed to make you laugh!

I realize I have been neglecting my blog lately, but as a result I’ve had time to discover some fantastic bloggers, like Kate!   I promise to start posting more often…well, I promise to TRY.  😉

What caption would YOU have given this photo?

Facebook, Humor, Joke, Life, Parenting, Uncategorized

Not-so-new-newsfeed wrap up 3/25/13

7 Comments

Since I seem to be unable to get a new blog post written, I will at least post snippets from my Facebook newsfeed this past week.  Join us at www.facebook.com/Momopolize for even more fun!

After the (not-so-new) newsfeed posts is also info about Bloglovin’ and a book I’m in!

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For parents (like me) who are having snow during the kids’ spring break, here is a simple solution.  You’re welcome.  Really, it’s snow problem at all.

Spring break snow

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At a wrestling tournament yesterday, Jimmy came up and sat next to me on the bleachers and…

Jimmy:  Mom, thanks for not being an asshole parent.  I just heard a Dad yelling at his son as he came off the mat ‘What the hell were you doing out there???  I didn’t drive an hour and waste my day to watch you SUCK.’ ”

Me:  Why do you think I bring you to these tournaments?  It has nothing to do with wrestling.  It’s all about making me look like an awesome parent in comparison.

That conversation made the 12 hour day totally worth it.

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Me: Eric asked if we can buy more girl scout cookies.  Can you pick up Samoa?
Jim:  Sure.  I’ll see if Eric wants to Tag-a-long.

‘Cause we are just THAT cool.

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That awkward moment when you enter a public restroom stall with the toilet seat up and you wonder…was the bathroom just cleaned or am I in the men’s room??

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A lady sitting near me was endlessly gossiping to a friend.

Me (whispering to Jim): “Geesh, she is such a busy-body.”

Said while eavesdropping.

Pot.  Kettle.

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When I picked up Eric after school, he was grinning from ear to ear and holding up his much anticipated recorder he received today during music class.

My out-loud voice: Woohoo!!! I can’t wait to hear you play it when we get home!
My inner voice: For the next month I get to hear the sound of a duck that just got his wing yanked off.  Woo.  Hoo.

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Everyone please stop posting about spring cleaning.  The guilt is making me take desperate measures.  Like watching Hoarders.

Instead of cleaning watch hoarders

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The house is so clean Was the internet down

Actually, for me it is more like…

“Wow honey, the house is so clean!”  said my husband.  Never.

Maybe he should talk to Verizon to schedule daily outages.

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I think Jimmy has forgotten that I can see his Twitter account.  He tweeted, “I will never get over just how awesome some parents are and just how boring mine are.”

Oh, the love.

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Speaking of, you can show me some lovin’ by following me on Bloglovin’!  It is a way to keep track of all the blogs you read in one handy-dandy list.  For the blogs you follow, there is a list of all unread posts, similar to a newsfeed.  Below is a screen shot to show you what it’s like (and as an added bonus, you can see some of the awesome blogs I’m following.  I highly recommend you check them out also!).  Click the cute little Bloglovin’ button on my sidebar to the right or follow me here.

bloglovin screen shot

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Life Well Blogged book cover Parenting Gag Reel

<— Buy this book April 2.  Why?  Because I’m in it! 🙂

No, that’s not an April Fool’s joke.  I’m really in it.  Shocking, right?

It is the 4th book in the Life Well Blogged series.  The first 3 made it to the top 10 best sellers on Amazon for Parenting books.  Will you help this one get to #1??

I will post the link once it is up on Amazon and will have some copies to offer as giveaways too!

Humor, Joke, Life, Parenting

Not Post #100 Worthy.

7 Comments

Jake told me my 100th post needed to be something special.  You get this instead.

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Me (without looking away from my computer):  I saw that.
Jake: What?
Me: You better apologize before I get to 3.
Jake: For what?
Me: 1.  2.
Jake: I didn’t moon them!
Me: I never said moon.
Jake:  Hu…?  Dang it.  You’re good.

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In the “should never have to come out of my mouth” category…

“Don’t stand on the chair and fart in your brother’s face.”

Not to the 8 year old.  Or the 10 year old.  Or even the 13 year old. Yes, I did indeed need to say those words to the 16 year old.

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Jimmy blew a straw wrapper at Eric and hit him right between the eyes.

Me: Good shot.

Jimmy: I’ve had lots of practice sniping.

Me: I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.

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During a conversation about past restaurant jobs…

Me: In high school, I was a cook and a busgirl but not a waitress.

Greg to Jim: Were you ever a waitress?

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100th post AND 6 months since I started Momopolize.  And you get farts and butts.  And the image of Jim in a waitress uniform.

You’re welcome.

 

 

 

Humor, Joke, Life, Parenting

A Face Only A Mother Could Love. And an Opponent Could Hate.

3 Comments

Well, it is official that Jimmy will have to wear a mask when he wrestles with his broken nose. 

Jimmy texted me this photo.  Oh my.  Ain’t it perdy??

Jimmy wrestling mask

I’m not sure who will be more distracted during the tournament.  Jimmy?  His Opponent?  Or the spectators???

I responded to his text that I thought the mask needed a little something special to ensure he wins every match.

Jimmy wrestling mask with bling

His opponents will just fall over from laughter.

Happiness, Humor, Joke, Life, Parenting, Uncategorized

Nobody Nose the Trouble I’ve Seen.

4 Comments

Jimmy had to be at school very early yesterday morning to go with his wrestling team to a tournament.  The following half asleep text conversation happened since I was too lazy to get out of bed…

Me: U back fron dripping Jimmy at school?

Jim: Yes but I have to go back and drip a Gatorade off that he forgot.

Me: That’s nice f u.

Jim: F u 2.

Me: *Of.  😛

A few minutes later….

Me: Hey drippy, did u get the Gatorade 2 him b4 the bus left.?

Jim:  Yes. 😛

Me:  Good fork u.

And so our day began…

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Speaking of the tournament…it went well until Jimmy’s nose battled his opponent’s head.  The nose lost.  It is broken, which means he will have to wear a special mask to protect it when he wrestles next weekend.

The mask may look like this…

Wrestling nose guard 1
Photo: shopping.com

But it could look like this…

Wrestling nose guard 2
Photo: kellysports.com

Personally, I vote for something like THIS, to really freak his opponent out…

wrestling nose guard 3 thirdage
Photo: thirdage.com

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Last night Jimmy texted me at 11:30.

Jimmy: Can you come pick me up?

He was home.  In his bed.

I ran to his room convinced that we hadn’t realized he got a concussion when he broke his nose.  I made him talk to me for a while and answer all kinds of questions.

He was fine.  He sent the text while he was mostly asleep and was dreaming he was at a friend’s house.  I’ve seen sleep walking and sleep talking but…sleep texting.  That is a new one.

Just say no to Slexting.

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And one more text story…

This morning, Jim texted me this while at IHOP with Eric and Greg:

Jim: This just happened…

Host: Can I have your name for the wait list.

Jim.

Host writes Jean.

No, Jim.

Host writes Jin.

No, J.  I.  M.

To Eric: Do I slur my words???

Eric:  No Jean.

Me: Hahaha!  Well…u DO look more like a Jean or a Jin.

Jim: Fork u.

And so our day begins…

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