Category Archives: Uncategorized

In a League of My Own

August 4, 2016 momopolize@gmail.com 1 Comment

I still remember the first time I played volleyball. It was at a party hosted by a grade school friend. I can’t remember which friend, and I very vaguely recall a fancy house, lots of food and a swimming pool. But I vividly remember the volleyball court. Because I spent the entire day there! I was hooked. And I couldn’t wait to play on an actual team in high school!

Unfortunately, my body had other plans. One day in middle school, I woke up to a left knee that wouldn’t straighten. It was stuck at almost a 90 degree angle and would not move no matter how hard I tried. As if middle school isn’t awkward enough on a normal day! While still going to doctor after doctor for tests to try to figure out the cause, the problem also moved to my left wrist and ankle. The doctors finally gave me a diagnosis of juvenile rheumatoid arthritis (mainly because they didn’t want to say “We don’t have a clue.”). I was told I would most likely improve as I entered adulthood, but there was a chance that my joints could continue to get worse and that I would end up in a wheel chair. Not a fun “wait and see.”

Months of physical therapy did nothing, but suddenly the problem disappeared just as mysteriously as it appeared and I awoke to a perfectly functioning knee. But it didn’t stay that way. For years, a wrong movement would easily send me back to hobbling around or wearing a wrist brace. It sadly happened frequently enough to keep me off of any high school sports teams. *Cue sound of dreams shattering.* But my desire to play volleyball didn’t end. As hoped, my joints did get better. But my knee has always remained a problem.

Although my JRA improved in adulthood, I would eventually find out that wasn’t the only autoimmune problem I would have to deal with. Those of you who are long time readers know my medical woes (You can read more about that HERE if you’d like.). But in the fall of 2014 (about the same time I stopped writing here!)… I felt sicker (than normal) and was going down hill fast. I had been bitten by another tick and I believe that’s what sent me spiraling down again. My immune system cried “UNCLE!” and freaked out/shut down. I hid it on the outside, but my insides were an absolute wreck. I remember getting the call from my doctor while watching my son’s Saturday morning basketball game because she didn’t want to wait until Monday. It was a scary time. At first I was sad. Sad that I felt my body was just too tired to fight any more. But as I started treatment and prepared for surgery (a second tonsillectomy!), I got mad. Mad at all I’ve had to miss out on from being ill so much. I told myself that when I got back on my feet again, I was going to do all the things I’ve always had to put off because of my sucky immune system!

Fast forward to March 2016. I won’t go into all the ups and downs and treatment it took to get me there, but the important part is that I had made it an entire year without landing myself in the hospital! That was a big accomplishment for me! I proclaimed it the “year of no fear” and if I wanted to do something…I promised myself I would JUST DO IT. And the first thing on the list was to sign up for a volleyball league! I may not have been able to play in high school, but now 30+ years later I was going to play on my VERY FIRST SPORTS TEAM!!! I heard my teen say one day, “I think my Mom is going through a mid-life crisis or something because she’s going to play volleyball.” Maybe he was right since that month I also went ziplining, repelled off a cliff, went snorkeling (I don’t do well with being in the water with sealife!) and chopped off a foot of my hair!

I may have called it the “year of no fear” but that didn’t stop me from being TERRIFIED about playing. I mean starting volleyball at my age with a bum knee probably isn’t the smartest decision.

I didn’t know a single soul playing in the league, which I oddly found comfort in. It was nice to go somewhere and not be known as the “lady who’s always sick.” Don’t get me wrong, I love that my friends care and ask how I’m feeling…but it was nice for a change to be able to completely hide that part of me away. And just simply be a teammate!

The league was described as recreational, but as I saw more and more players introduce themselves in the Facebook group, I realized my definition of a rec-league may be different from others. Comments such, “I’m a little rusty. It’s been a few years since I played at a D1 college but I’m looking forward to getting back on the court!” sent me into a mini panic attack. I was tempted to post, “I look forward to putting you all to shame with my extensive church picnic and family beach volleyball experience!” but decided my humor may not be well received.

The day of the first game, I was so nervous that I got dressed and was ready to go 2 hours early. I was convinced I was going to embarrass myself and that my knee was going to freeze up and that I was stupid to be trying this at my age. I paced around for a while and then had the bright idea that I needed to put on make-up. Because nothing screams CONFIDENCE like sweaty mascara running down your face!

I arrived to the game and confirmed my suspicions that I probably had the least volleyball experience and the most life experience (a.k.a. oldest!). BUT I didn’t humiliate myself during the game and had the BEST TIME ever. All my serves went over and I even got high fives from my teammates for some good hits. I have no idea if we won that game. The score didn’t matter because I was just trying to win at the game of life.

The second week was even more fun because I didn’t have the nerves to deal with before hand. BUT – there’s always a but with me isn’t there – the third week it all fell apart. About 10 minutes into the match, it happened. I lunged for the ball (OK, it was more like a big step. Actually just a normal step. Maybe even a small step.) and I felt a pop in my leg. I know what you are thinking. My fear of my left knee freezing came true! But nope. It was my right calf. I don’t know much about anatomy, but I knew pop=bad.

I went to the ER and found out I had ruptured my gastrocnemius. That’s a fancy word for my calf muscle. They had to put on a cast and when they were finished, I had a realization. I couldn’t get my leggings back on over it…so I had NO PANTS TO WEAR HOME! The nurse left the room and came back in holding up a pair of “post surgical panties.” You know, basically mesh booty shorts! I guess the look on my face must have said “you’ve GOT to be kidding me!” because she instantly said, “Umm…I will look for something else.” Luckily for me – and everyone else in the ER – she found a pair of hospital pants, so I didn’t have to leave with my derriere waving in the air like I just didn’t care.

True to form, I couldn’t just have a “normal” injury. The injury carried a risk of a DVT, and with my Lupus clotting disorder and history of having a blood clot, the doctors decided I needed to be on blood thinners. Lovenox shots in my belly to be exact. Whoever named those is evil because there’s nothing to “love” about getting shots in your belly! The day I started the shots, my leg started feeling much, much, much worse. At first I chalked it up to one of those “has to feel worse before it feels better” situations. But after a few days of excruciating pain and being too miserable to move or have anything touch my leg, I finally called the doctor to see if that was normal. It wasn’t. Turns out the thinners were doing their job too well and I was having excessive bleeding from the injury site. After another week, I was finally back to “normal” pain. I had to go for weekly sonograms and trips to a hematologist to make sure my veins were ok. I really do seem to be incapable of having a run-of-the-mill medical issue. I always give the doctors a nice challenge I suppose.

I was on crutches for a month. The last time I was on crutches I was 17 and I thought it was tough then. Being on them 30 years later was a hundred times worse. The most ironic part though? The “bum knee” that kept me from doing what I wanted when I was younger was now the same knee that was forced to entirely SUPPORT me. I guess that’s how life works too: you sometimes to have to rely on the weakest part of yourself to get through some of the tough times!

I had several more weeks of physical therapy after I was off crutches, so I missed the rest of the regular season. I was a spectator at all of the games though. While I sat and cheered on my team, I watched them all get better and better. Those who were “rusty” at the beginning found their groove. The more I saw them gain their confidence, the more I lost mine. I realized how little I knew about the game.

By the time I was cleared to play, it was playoff/championship week. I was so worried about re-injuring myself, I couldn’t even focus on the game. But I made it through and we ended up coming in second place in the league for the spring season. Even though I had to sit out most of the season and go through quite a bit of misery, I didn’t for a second regret playing because I had a blast. Plus at least I had a “cool” injury story instead of my usual idiotic injuries like those described in my Top 20 Dumbest Injuries.

The summer season started the next week, and we had a few new players join our team. Things instantly got much more intense. Strategies were discussed, player rotations were set, techniques were critiqued, things were more serious. And I was still standing there thinking, “I’m just still trying to figure out how the hell to set the ball!” Needless to say, the first game of the summer season was a disaster for me. I was so stuck in my head with thoughts swirling around about making sure I didn’t hit one handed when bumping and didn’t carry the ball when spiking and let the setter hit the second ball and and call it if I’m going to hit the ball and – oh yeah – don’t get hurt again. I was my own worst enemy that game and couldn’t do a darn thing right. I walked off the court after the game and wanted to quit. I thought I should have just stuck to being the team cheerleader.

But I didn’t quit. I grabbed a ball and walked over to the corner of the gym and spent an hour practicing against the wall. And I came back the next week and the next and the next. I made it through the entire season (with no injuries!). It didn’t feel very recreational any more though. Most of my teammates were supportive of each other, but I definitely noticed more eye rolling, sighs and snapping at each other. We finished the summer season in second place again, and with almost twice as many teams as the spring season.

The good thing about having a lot of strong players on your team is that you win a lot. The bad thing about having a lot of strong players on your team is that they want to win even MORE. And that led to a hurtful bump in the road for the upcoming fall season. One of our players decided to disband our team and start a new team. She is taking 4 of our teammates with her, leaving 3 of us behind basically up the creek without a paddle. Or more accurately up the court without a team. I’m not stupid; I know “forming a new team” means “we think we can do better without you.” And I’m not going to lie, that stung. Not just like a little bee sting either. More like an entire hornet’s nest full of stings.

At first I was sad. Sad that I am one of the weaker players. Then I got mad. Mad that someone was trying to take away my fun. And then I remembered how long I had waited to play on a volleyball team. And I got determined. Determined to figure out a way to continue playing. And then I got excited. Excited for the chance for a fresh start to get back to the thrill I had those first 2 games before I got hurt. When it wasn’t about whether I won or lost. It was about making up for lost time. And about telling my illness to kiss my ace!

_________________________________________________________________________

P.S. My 2 remaining players and I are forming a new team for the fall and have found enough new players to round out our team (plus another teammate who isn’t playing this fall because of travel will be a sub for us when she’s in town.) so I WILL be able to continue playing. I’m even going to be the captain! When I told the boys, Eric said, “You should be captain. You are good at yelling.” While I gave Eric the stink eye, Greg added, “Uh oh. I think she’s going to practice captaining on you.” I think they are confusing captain and coach, but it still made me laugh.

P.P.S I don’t fault my former teammates for wanting to win more by forming a more competitive team. And I also don’t fault the little part of myself that (unrealistically) wants to beat them. 😉

Parenting, Sponsored, Uncategorized

How To Get Inside the Teen Brain & Stop Medicine Abuse

October 15, 2015 momopolize@gmail.com

Have you heard of dextromethorphan abuse? I hadn’t either. Unfortunately, a lot of teens have. Only they probably call it DXM, Dex, Triple Cs, Syrup Head or even Skittles.

DXM is an ingredient found in most over the counter cough medicines and is a safe medicine that alleviates coughs…when used appropriately! Some teens, however, take excessive doses of DXM to get high. The side effects from cough medicine abuse aren’t pretty and include vomiting, hallucinations, loss of motor control and inhibited breathing and heart rate. When combined with other substances such as drugs and alcohol, it can be very dangerous and even lethal.

I recently attended a forum as part of the Stop Medicine Abuse campaign called “Inside the Teen Brain: Is There an App for That?” It was very informative and I’m thrilled to share this important information with you all!

The brain of an adolescent is only about 80% formed. During this time, the young brain has more excitatory synapses than inhibitory synapses. Darby Fox described this phenomenon perfectly with the simile, “Teen brains are like Ferraris with no brakes. It is our job as parents to be the brakes for them.” The information in this post will help all of us know how to push that pedal on the left and see those brake lights while our teens are trying to floor it!

The Stop Medicine Abuse prevention campaign started 3 years ago and the insights are helping us get inside the teen brain! The fear of social consequences emerged as a leading motivator in preventing teens from abusing cough medicine. Teens described the unpleasant physical and social consequences of their peers who get high on DXM in terms such as “sloppy,” threw up,” “acting like jerks,” and “nobody wants to be around them.”

Much is reported about “peer pressure” in teen friend groups. And while that can lead to bad decisions, it can also keep teens in line by preventing them from doing something that is considered uncool. And many things about DXM abuse are just that – uncool. The campaign uses the negative perception of DXM abuse and teen’s fear of social disapproval to make DXM more undesirable.

The specific target audience for prevention of DXM abuse is teens between 14 and 19 who have considered using DXM to get high but have not yet tried it. When teens are curious about DXM abuse, because they have a friend who has tried it or heard about it in pop culture, they look for more information online. The goal of the campaign has been to figure out how to bring strategy to life in a way that educates the “fence sitter” teens without exposing those who know nothing about cough medicine abuse. They have accomplished this by targeting teens WHILE they are searching online for information on DXM.

This award-winning effort (WhatisDXM.com) has used real-life testimonials, games, apps, and bait-and-switch videos to interrupt teens’ searches and change their perceptions of this behavior. And most importantly, teen abuse of OTC cough medicine is at an all-time low. The abuse rate is about 1 in 30, which is down from 1 in 20. That’s fantastic progress but that means there is still a teen in about every class abusing cough medicine, so the effort needs to continue in full force!

In response to the question “Inside the Teen Brain: Is There an App for That?” Yes, there IS an app for that. No, you can’t actually get in there and disable the “teen ‘tude” or use it to figure out how to get them to clean their rooms, but the DXM Labworks App has taken an interactive approach that gets inside the teen brain to show the effects of couch medicine abuse. The app is a video simulation appropriately using robots as a play on words for the common reference to a DXM high as “robo-tripping.” In the app, teens have to complete tasks while (virtually) under the influence of DXM. One “task” is to keep the robot from puking, which is one of the most common side effects of cough medicine abuse. As Jimmy Fallon would say, “Ew!” Each time the teen is unable to complete a task, he or she loses a “robot friend” in the app to simulate the social consequences in real life.

The premise behind techniques such as the robot app is if you make an educational message engaging, the teens will soak it up and pay attention. Since teens are spending an average of 7 minutes on these types of PSAs, this technique is definitely having an impact!

Teens have been exposed to the integrated campaign in the digital space 525 million times.
Teens have directly engaged with the campaign’s content online (viewed, shared, clicked, commented) more than 21 million times.
Teens have visited the website one million times.
The apps have been downloaded almost 300,000 times.

I know what you are asking now. As parents, how can we help our teens if we find out they are considering abusing cough medicine?!?

First, we need to make sure they know we understand it isn’t easy being a teen and we will always be there for them if they make a mistake. If we are solely punitive, they won’t come to us for help or with questions.
Risk messaging has to be credible – don’t spout off scare tactics if you don’t have facts to back them up.
Disapproval should be focused on the behavior and consequences, not the teen. The abuse is bad; the abuser is not.
Make it a natural, open conversation, not a lecture. Also pick the right time. If you try to have a chat right before they are going out on a Saturday night, they won’t hear you. You will sound like the grown-ups in the Peanuts cartoons!
Don’t generalize by saying things like, “Don’t do it. There are consequences.” Give them specifics they can relate to such as, “Cough medicine is designed to suppress coughs so if you take too much, it will suppress additional things in your body like your heart rate and breathing.”

Whew. As parents of teens, the worry of what could happen is overwhelming at times. But try to remember that teens who learn a lot about the risks of drugs from their parents are 50% less likely to use drugs! So keep those communication lines open! Plus we have great educational programs such as Stop Medicine Abuse to help us keep our kids on the right track!

Check out the links below for more information:

Main website: http://www.whatisdxm.com/
YouTube channel with all videos – including teen perspective: https://www.youtube.com/user/DXMstrs
Facebook app (2.5 minute experience that scrapes your Facebook page for a simulated real-world experience, must log in via your Facebook page): http://sipitup.me/
Trailer for mobile app DXM Labworks: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-boIyNwaV-Q

This blog post is sponsored by the CHPA’s Stop Medicine Abuse educational program. I was compensated to attend the event but all opinions (and teen stress induced gray hairs) are my own.

Cooking, Life, Sponsored, Uncategorized

Pizza Pasta Recipe That Everyone Will Love

October 24, 2014 momopolize@gmail.com

Hillshire Pizza Pasta — Thanks to Hillshire Brands for helping me share this recipe by sponsoring this post via the Mom It Forward Blogger Network. All thoughts, opinions and yummmmms are my own.

My kids all have very different taste buds so most dinners range from a solo whine to a full out chorus of complaints.

When I cook something that all 4 will happily eat, bells and whistles sound and fireworks go off. This meal is one of those rare moments.

Since it is a family favorite in our house, I thought I’d share it with you!

We actually refer to it as Panther Pizza Pasta because it is my go-to dish for the high school football team pasta dinners. I triple the recipe but always bring home an empty dish!

The beauty of this recipe is that you get the entire food pyramid in one dish! Plenty of protein from the sausages, beef and pepperoni, bell peppers give you your veggie serving, pasta for grains, dairy is taken care of by the mozzarella and the tomato satisfies the fruit group. Yes, a tomato is botanically a fruit regardless of what the supreme court ruled way back when! 😉 Mushrooms are really none of the above, but they are still good for you.

This is one of those recipes that I usually don’t measure ingredients but I did this time…just for you! You can use different “toppings” every time you make it – it will seem like a different dish and you’ll never get tired of it!

Pizza Pasta

Author: Angela McKeown

Recipe type: One Dish Dinner

Prep time: 20 mins

Cook time: 15 mins

Total time: 35 mins

Serves: 6

Ingredients

16 ounces Rigatoni
36-48 ounces Spaghetti Sauce*
3 cups Mozzarella Cheese
½ pound Hillshire Farm Smoked Sausage
½ pound Jimmy Dean Hot Sausage
½ pound Ground Beef
½ pound Pepperoni Stick
2-3 Bell Peppers
1 pound Mushrooms
Other pizza "toppings"
1 Additional cup of Mozzarella Cheese, if desired.

Instructions

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
Cook pasta per directions for al dente.
Dice Peppers and Mushrooms.
Cut half of Smoked Sausage and Pepperoni into small chunks.
Cook Hot Sausage and Ground Beef in a skillet on medium-high until brown.
Add chunks of Pepperoni and Smoked Sausage and add Peppers and Mushrooms.
Cook until Peppers are soft.
Drain.
In a large pot, combine the Rigatoni, Spaghetti Sauce*, Meat/Veggie mixture and 3 cups of Mozzarella Cheese.
Cut other half of Smoked Sausage and Pepperoni into slices.
Put in large casserole dish and top with Mozzarella Cheese and sliced Smoked Sausage and Pepperoni.
Bake for 15 minutes or until cheese is melted.
*Make it a bit saucier than you think you should...because it dries out some when it bakes.

*You may notice that there is no pepperoni in the photo…because I missed that item on my shopping list. Oops! But just goes to show there are many variations for the recipe, right??

I shopped for my ingredients at Safeway. Did you know they have eliminated the need for paper coupons with their J4U program? I always have good intentions when it comes to couponing but I either (1) forget to bring them with me or (2) try to use them after they have expired. With J4U, you can get eCoupons linked to your Safeway card that will be deducted from your bill. No paper, no cutting, no organizing! No brainer!

Now go check out these other great recipes in the Hillshire Brands and Safeway Blog Tour! I am definitely making the zombie and mummy ideas for Halloween!

Life, Sponsored, Uncategorized

Check Out a New Way To Check Out #PayWithMyPhone

September 24, 2014 momopolize@gmail.com 2 Comments

verizon softcard photo 1 — Disclosure: I am part of the PTPA Brand Ambassador Program with Verizon Wireless and I received compensation as part of my affiliation with this group. The Softcard related content is provided by Verizon Wireless. All stories and opinions are my own.

I have a confession: I have check-out-a-phobia.

Even if I am 100% sure that my balance is paid off and/or I have sufficient funds in my bank account, I am always convinced that my credit or debit card will be denied when I’m paying at a store. Always.

My fear stems from two nightmare trips. To Costco. Yes, COSTCO! Yes, Costco BOTH times!

The first time was my fault.

While paying for a huge cart full of wonderful “necessities,” I swiped my debit card, entered my pin, 5978*, and then it happened. The dreaded message flashed on the screen. “Incorrect. Try again.”

I followed the instructions and tried again, pressing 5978, but harder this time. Incorrect.

I entered the numbers very slowly and deliberately…5…9…7…8. Incorrect.

I could feel my face getting hotter and hotter and I’m sure I was as red as a beet.

Even though I KNEW I had entered my correct pin I kept frantically trying to enter it over and over. And over. Incorrect. Incorrect. Incorrect.

As I looked behind me and saw the line stretched to the back of the store (or so it seemed), I wiped my sweat covered brow and admitted defeat. The cashier cancelled my transaction and painstakingly slowwwwwwly re-loaded the items into my cart. I stood by the cart for what seemed like an eternity, waiting for Jim to come with backup funds.

About a minute before he arrived, I realized the problem. I had loaned Jimmy my debit card. And I had borrowed Jim’s card.

I was entering MY pin correctly. But it wasn’t MY card! I should have been entering JIM’S PIN!!! I wanted to hide in a corner for a week but I had to relive the embarrassment all over again when I explained to Jim what happened. I felt like such an idiot. Oy Vey.

The second time wasn’t my fault, but that didn’t make it any less humiliating.

My long time readers may remember when I hosted the community outreach event “Trick or Treat, Give Me Something Good To Eat.” What I never did tell you was that the day of the event, I had a last minute panic that the enormous mound of donations I had in my living room wasn’t enough. I left early for the event to fill up a cart at – you guessed it – Costco.

This time when I swiped my card, the cashier gave me the raised-eyebrow-judgy-Judy look as she said “Your card has been declined.” My jaw dropped and I’m sure my eyes were as big as saucers. Of course, I prolonged the agony by asking her to swipe it again. And again.

Just like the first story, I had to stand there while she cancelled my transaction and slowwwwwwwwwwwwwly re-loaded the items. So there I was, standing by my cart – again – avoiding eye contact with the exceedingly long line of people behind me (because there’s ALWAYS an exceedingly long line at Costco!).

This time instead of calling Jim, I called my bank. And found out my card number had been stolen.

I wanted to shout out to the cashier and everyone else in the store “Hey! It wasn’t my fault! I had money in my account! Really!!!” but instead I was a tad more subtle – I just loudly repeated portions of the conversation with my bank such as “CARD NUMBER COMPROMISED” and “ACCOUNT FROZEN FOR SECURITY REASONS” to make myself feel slightly less embarrassed. Very slightly.

Jim ended up coming to the rescue again with his debit card. And he actually entered HIS pin number…so it worked!

I still get the shakes every time I enter Costco.

Recently, compromised accounts have been in the news a lot, fanning the flames of my check-out-a-phobia! The most recent I’ve heard about is the millions of card numbers stolen when Home Depot had a huge data breach. WTOP just published 5 Ways To Protect Yourself from Data Breaches, and #1 on the list states “Any technology that avoids you having your credit card in your hand in a store is safer.”

That’s where Verizon’s Softcard comes into play! Softcard™ is a mobile wallet! It is an app that lets you pay with a tap of your phone, save with special offers, and store loyalty, membership and rewards cards.

With Softcard, you can add eligible payment cards to pay for purchases and get all the benefits and protections you would with your physical card, or setup a prepaid account and add money to it with your preferred debit card, credit card or U.S. bank account.

Softcard also holds offers and stores loyalty cards, so you can get savings and loyalty points without having to carry around a bunch of cards and coupons.

I must admit I was a bit leery about security at first. Although I’ve never actually lost my phone – there are usually a dozen times a day where I THINK I’ve lost it. I wondered if I did lose it, what would happen to my payment information?? But once I found out Softcard not only has a security pin number, but also a “Remote Wallet Lock,” my worries were eased. One phone call or visit to a website instantly locks the entire mobile wallet.

There is a Referral Program which will give you up to $150 in Amazon gift cards for friends who activate ($10 per friend). Plus your friend will get a $10 gift card too! And here are offers for Softcard users (terms may apply):

Get $1 back on each purchase of $1 or more up to $50 per month with Serve credit (ends 12/31/14)
If you sign up for “My Coke Rewards,” your first 3 Coca-Cola drinks are FREE. After the first 3 free drinks, if you buy 10 more, you get another 1 FREE (ends 12/31/14)
White House Black Market – $20 off $80 (ends 10/31)
Chico’s – $25 off $100 or more (ends 10/31)

There are over 200,000 locations where Softcard can be used and you can search for locations by zip code. Go check it out! How many locations are near you?

*No, that isn’t my real pin! 🙂

Illness, Uncategorized

Invisible Illness Week: Thirty Things You May Not Know About My Illness(es)

September 12, 2014 momopolize@gmail.com 20 Comments

This week, my fellow sick bloggers and I were asked to answer 30 questions. And by sick, I don’t mean “Dude, your blog is sick, yo.” The questions are for “Invisible Illness Week.”

Hopefully the answers will help spread awareness of problems caused by chronic illnesses that are unheard of. And unseen. An invisible illness is one that may wreak havoc on the patient but to the rest of the world will elicit a response of “but you don’t look sick!”

1. The illness I live with is: I have two – Chronic lyme and lupus. I won’t give them the power of using capital Ls in their names.

2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: “Lucky” ’07.

3. But I had symptoms since: Possibly since I was in middle school. My doctor thinks when I couldn’t straighten my knee for months in 6th grade (and was diagnosed with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis after they couldn’t figure out why) that it could actually have been when I contracted lyme. I teeter between believing that theory and thinking that it’s crazy.

4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: I’ve had to accept that I may need to cancel plans at the last minute. My symptoms are more unpredictable than the weather and they can come and go like a storm system. I always have to be prepared to take cover (under my covers) when hurricane lyme throws me for a loop (or lup?). I hate inconveniencing others so backing out on something at the last minute makes me cringe.

5. Most people assume: I’m fine. Because that’s what I tell them when they ask.

6. The hardest part about mornings are: Feeling hungover. At least with a real hangover, you get to enjoy yourself the night before.

7. My favorite medical TV show is: Scrubs. I watch TV to zone out and forget about my medical problems, so I don’t want serious medical shows that remind me of them.

8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: My computer. I can plop it on my lap and stay connected via social media even when I’m in bed all day.

9. The hardest part about nights: Both lyme and lupus are the ones that “party” at night. Staying asleep is always a challenge. It’s a big complaint of many patients, but I don’t know the cause. Terrible night sweats is one symptom that interrupts a good night sleep for me but even when that goes away temporarily, deep sleep is difficult. I can’t remember the last time I slept for 8 hours straight. As I’m typing this, it is 2am.

10. Each day I take __ pills & vitamins: This varies. It has probably been as high as 30-40 because the dose of many supplements is more than one at a time and more than once a day. But then I get tired of taking them, rebel and take none. Right now I’m taking none and I can tell it’s taking a toll.

11. Regarding alternative treatments I: Used to be the biggest skeptic. I still fight with my skepticism when my doctor mentions some new and wacky sounding treatment, but I’ve learned that the alternative treatments are necessary and beneficial. And expensive.

12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: Invisible. I like being able to seem “fine” when I’m out in public. I don’t want to be known as the pitiful sick lady.

13. Regarding working and career: There’s no way I would have the energy or cognitive function for a full time job.

14. People would be surprised to know: How much time I have to spend in bed. When I’m out, I look fine – and for the most part, I AM fine at that moment. I’ve learned what I need to do to “plan” for outings – how much rest is required before so I can make it through without showing any symptoms. Unfortunately that means many hours of resting before and after, plus staying home a LOT when I’m not up for putting on a façade. Some people comment on how busy I am, but would be shocked to find out how little I am actually able to do on a daily basis.

15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: The type of Mom it has turned me into. I always wanted to be June Cleaver, not Peggy Bundy.

16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: Hmmmm. That’s a tricky one. It’s easier to list what it prevents me from doing, not what it’s enabled me to do. But I guess it has allowed me to be able to say I’m one tough cookie. Multiple doctors have commented on my high tolerance for pain.

17. The commercials about my illness: I don’t think there are any.

18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: Being spontaneous. I feel like I have to plan out every minute task or activity based on how much energy it will require.

19. It was really hard to have to give up: Now here’s the easy question. I had to give up wanting to be the “do-it-all” Mom. Deep down I’m the annoying Mom who wants to pack heart shaped sandwiches on Valentine’s day and make personalized hand-stamped Christmas cards and thinks I have to bring made-from-scratch desserts to pot lucks. I love being room Mom, team Mom, PTA Mom…Super Mom. But really what I am is just Super Tired. I forget to even pack lunches many days and I haven’t sent Christmas cards in 5 years. But I DO still bake from scratch on occasion and can’t help but say yes when a coach or teacher is asking for help…knowing my body will make me pay the price later. I’m my own worst enemy.

20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: Blogging!

21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: just do all the normal things that most people take for granted. Take a long shower without the heat wiping me out. Go grocery shopping AND unload the groceries without needing a nap in between. Make dinner without a foggy brain causing me to forget ingredients or burn it. Oh, and I’d also run and run and run some more. I can remember the exhilarating feeling of running full speed. Now some days just walking is a chore.

22. My illness has taught me: To prioritize what’s most important in my life. I’m still not good at saying yes to the right priorities. Too many days I spend all my energy on the wrong ones because I am terrible at saying NO (as shown in #19). But I do try not to sweat the small stuff as much.

23. One thing people say that gets under my skin is: That chronic lyme doesn’t exist. I don’t understand how thousands of people can report the same ongoing symptoms, yet part of the medical community treats us like we are insane. One big reason I hesitate to talk about my problems with lyme is that I know there are people out there that don’t believe it is a real thing. And on top of that there are people in the lyme community that don’t believe I have lupus. They attribute all the problems to lyme (you’d think after being doubted themselves, they wouldn’t doubt others). While many of the symptoms of lyme and lupus are very similar, I have a few that are specific to lupus.

24. But I love it when people: Force me to occasionally accept help. I will say I don’t need it when asked, will almost never ask for it and generally hate being the helpee instead of the helper… but every once in a while it seems to come when it is needed most. During a particularly fatigued week, a friend texted me “I’m dropping off dinner on your porch in 20 minutes. No argument!” I hadn’t told her I was having a rough week, but it was like she had some way of knowing that my fridge was empty and the menu choices that week had consisted of “who delivers.”

25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: “God won’t give you more than you can handle.” God thinks I’m a badass.

26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: Well, I will first answer with what I DONT like to tell them. I don’t like to tell them too many details about my journey because they don’t need to hear a worst case scenario. I do tell them to talk to their doctor about every single weird symptom they may be having. Nothing is too small to mention because it may help connect the dots for a complete diagnosis and determine the best treatment.

27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: How it has turned me into an academy award worthy actress. I amaze myself at how well I can hide how miserable I’m feeling sometimes.

28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: When I was first diagnosed, I got a PICC line for IV antibiotics put in my arm. I got a blood clot (thanks to a Lupus related disorder) so the doctors had to put a new PICC line in my neck (my Frankenstein era). The doctor restricted my activity so a friend came by multiple times, picked up my DIRTY LAUNDRY, took it to her house and brought it back clean and folded. That’s true kindness to let me literally air my dirty laundry.

29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: Of #17. These illnesses aren’t in the mainstream media. But they need to be. Now that I have a voice through my blog that can reach many, I feel like it’s my responsibility and duty to talk about it. Even if I have to figuratively air my dirty laundry to do it.

My 5 year old maturity level is making me chuckle at the fact that I just said doodie.

30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: Thankful. Hopeful. And vulnerable.

And while I intend to start discussing lyme and lupus more online, I still find it hard to talk about in person. So if you see me in real life and ask how I’m doing, let me continue to answer “fine.” My version of fine just happens to be different from yours.

Life, Parenting, School, Uncategorized

A Letter To My Son As He Begins His College Years

August 21, 2014 momopolize@gmail.com 10 Comments

The night before I took Jimmy to college, I couldn’t sleep a wink. When I couldn’t stand another second of tossing and turning, I got up and wrote him a letter. I didn’t initially plan to post it, but here it is.

I added a bit of detail to parts of the letter that wouldn't make sense to anyone other than Jimmy (since he was THERE when it happened). — This post is modified a bit from the letter I gave Jimmy. I added some detail to parts of the letter that wouldn’t have made sense to anyone other than Jimmy (since he was THERE when it happened).

As I searched for a wrestling photo to include with this post, it brought more tears. I have such wonderful memories of Jimmy’s wrestling tournaments and will miss them greatly. Not just watching him wrestle, but the many hours we spent traveling together. Often it was just the two of us driving to the off season tournaments. Those trips brought us closer together and I wouldn’t trade that time for the world. My love of wrestling definitely extends way beyond the mat. And after reading this letter, hopefully Jimmy understands why.

Dear Jimmy,

I’m preparing myself to take you to college in a few hours. Those words sound so surreal, but they are all too real. When I came to your room to say goodnight to you earlier, there were so many things I wanted to say about the thoughts swirling in my head, the memories I was having, the advice I wanted to give… But my mouth must have been directly connected to my tear ducts, because every time I opened it, the waterworks started flowing and the words just wouldn’t come.

It’s probably just as well, because words couldn’t do justice to the emotions I was/am feeling. And I think as we sat there in silence, we knew what the other was thinking.

There are some things I feel I must say to you though as you venture out of the nest. So I will let the written words be my voice.

One day before you started high school, someone convinced you to go to a wrestling practice. I truly feel that that day had a big influence on the course of all your high school days…and will have impact way beyond. You instantly fell in love with the sport and your dedication and perseverance throughout the next four years was nothing short of amazing.

You came home at the beginning of wrestling season Freshman year and announced that you were going to go to the state tournament before you graduated. You never wavered from that proclamation, no matter what life threw at you.

Freshman year, when you competed against opponents 20 pounds heavier and several years older than you. You said it made you stronger.
Off season Freshman year, when you wrestled hard core opponents who, many times, tossed you around the mat like a kitten with a ball of yarn. You always walked off talking about what you learned.
Summer after Freshman year, when you attended 14 days of the hardest wrestling camp in the country. You wanted to compete against the best.
Sophomore year, when you injured your shoulder. You worked your tail off at physical therapy to get cleared in time to wrestle in the district tournament…only to break your hand 5 days later. You never let it break your spirit.
Before Junior year, when you flew across country to attend the 28 day camp where you didn’t know a single soul. That took a lot of balls, as you would say.
Junior year, when you broke your nose during the district finals. You still advanced to the regional tournament but had to wear that lovely Hannibal Lector-esque mask. The mask was good for your nose, but bad for your vision. With limited peripheral view, the state tournament was not in the cards for you that year.

That was the tournament when YOU taught ME a lesson.

I had always prided myself on being a “try your best and have fun” Mom instead of a “be the best and win, win, win” one. As the state qualifiers stood on the coveted podium, I sat with my arms crossed, fuming and pouting. On that podium stood 2 wrestlers who had LOST to you before your injury. All I could think was how unfair it was. But after the ceremony I looked down and saw you sitting in a circle with some of your teammates AND the 2 wrestlers who were going to states instead of you. You were congratulating them and chatting and laughing. You were having fun. And you tried your best. You were doing what I had spouted at you for years. But I wasn’t.

I learned from you that day how to be a good sport. Sometimes the teacher is the student.

After the tournament I told you I was sorry you didn’t make it to states and you responded “It’s ok. I’m glad Connor made it because he’s a senior. I still have next year.”

Ah, next year.

“Next year” proved to be the worst of them all.

Senior year rolled around and with only a month until wrestling season, you got mono. Not just your run-of-the-mill mono, but the worst case your doctor had seen. Wrestling was completely out of the question. One wrong take-down would have taken OUT your enlarged spleen. And just getting out of bed most days was out of the question. After 9 WEEKS of misery, you were finally cleared to return to normal activity, but you were very weak from being sick. Most people would have thought trying to wrestle after months of being too ill to function was hopeless. But you didn’t. You worked so incredibly hard to gain back your strength and get back on the mat.

Unfortunately what we found out the hard way during your first match back was that you had developed viral induced asthma. You were so sick for so long that your airway was a mess. It was pretty scary – terrifying actually – watching you gasping for air before you slumped down against the wall next to the mat. I’m pretty sure you passed out for a short time. Each match you wrestled brought the same results – getting too winded or having any pressure on your chest would send your airway into a fit. But you went out there time and time again.

This was supposed to be your season to shine, but you were barely glimmering. After a difficult loss at a home meet, you were beyond frustrated. It was the first and only time I’ve ever heard you say you hate wrestling. You were still trying your best, but you weren’t having fun that day. The next day though you were right back out on the mat, remembering what you loved about the sport.

Right before the district tournament, you finally got a break (and NOT a bone this time). The asthma attacks went away. You were back and on fire. You beat some tough competition at districts to advance to regionals.

When the big day arrived for Regionals, you were feeling (mostly) like your old self again and ready to rumble. Qualifying for states was so close you could taste it. Unfortunately the cards were not only stacked against you again, they may as well have been stacked ON you.

I remember that second match so clearly. When your opponent grabbed your arm, your elbow turned ways an elbow should never turn. Your scream could be heard throughout the entire noisy gym and you dropped to the floor, writhing in pain. My heart raced as I watched you in so much pain and it sank when I saw the trainer mouth to your coach “He’s done. I’m going to call it.” But then we all heard another scream. It was you yelling “NO!” and jumping to your feet. You wouldn’t let the trainer forfeit the match. I got chills (and a bit of a panic attack). You finished the bout with one functional arm. And won.

I don’t know if you have any idea what the reaction in the stands was that day. Everyone was in complete awe of your drive and determination. I can’t remember how many matches you wrestled with one arm after that, but you kept winning. It was like The Karate Kid when he hurt his leg but kept going, finishing with that dramatic karate pose.

It finally came down to THE match. Four years of blood, sweat and tears came down to that one contest.

Winner would go to states; loser would not.

You left every fiber of your being on that mat, but came up a few seconds shy of a take-down at the end. And one point short.

One point.

My heart broke for you at that moment. If anyone deserved that win, it was you. You worked so hard for it. You were the epitome of “gave it your all.”

You didn’t get the happily ever after ending like in the Karate Kid, but what you didn’t realize – and probably still don’t – is that you were the biggest winner of all that day.

I wish I had recorded the comments the other parents and spectators said about you. You had everyone’s highest respect. Including mine. What you accomplished with what was thrown at you was nothing short of astounding. Many would have given up after the initial mono diagnosis but you never stopped giving ~~100%~~200%.

No, you didn’t go to states. But the life lessons you learned will stay with you long after the state medal would have tarnished.

Whew, I got long winded there. You are now probably REALLY glad I was speechless in your room. But let me get back to my reason for the wrestling reminiscing: the life lessons.

Being a good sport is greater than being good at sports.
Life doesn’t always work out the way you plan.
Quitters never win but sometimes you don’t win even if you don’t quit.
Sometimes nice guys do finish last. Or fifth.
The journey can be more important than the destination.
You can lose, yet be the true winner.
You will truly appreciate success only after a failure.

Hmmm…those sounded much more uplifting in my head.

My wish for you is that you always find “wrestling” in your life. Not literally. But my hope is that you always find something that brings you that sheer joy and unflappable determination that wrestling did. And if you don’t have anything that makes you feel that way, keep looking.

I know you are going to be just fine at college. Your wrestling journey has prepared you in case life throws you a curveball (or “if life pins you down” may be a better metaphor).

College is going to be more fun and exciting than you can imagine, but it will also be stressful and scary at times. Know that I’m only a phone call away and ALWAYS ready to listen when you need it, help when you want it and stay out of it when you’ve got it covered. Just remember when you are feeling overwhelmed that things WILL get better.

And, finally, you knew it was coming. My college advice for you:

Go to class. Seriously, go to class.
You will feel very lost at times, literally and figuratively. From directions to a building to learning a math concept, if you need help, ask!
You may really like your roommate. You may hate him. You may feel both on the same day. Or within the same hour.
Free time and Netflix time are not synonymous.
If you realize you hate your major, do something about it. Better to be inconvenienced now than to spend years in a job you don’t enjoy.
Take full advantage of everything the school has to offer. Climb a rock wall, join a club, try a new food.
Real men wear pink (which is handy to know when you accidentally wash your whites and reds together on the hot cycle).
Try not to come home for the first month. I know, I know, this one is shocking coming from me, but you need to give yourself a chance to get settled in. It may be tempting to retreat to the comforts of home when things get tough, but just scream “NO,” jump up off the mat and stay in the match.
And last but not least – let your mother come visit whenever she wants, even if it is every weekend.

Love,

Mom

To read about the fun (and bizarre) trip Jimmy and I took to a tournament in Greensboro, click here to read What Happens In Greensboro Stays in Greensboro.

Humor, Joke, Life, Parenting, School, Uncategorized

Top 6 Worries When You Have A Child Going To College

July 30, 2014 momopolize@gmail.com 8 Comments

Jimmy leaves for college in a couple of weeks (EEEEEEEEK!), and as the date gets more near, I get more fear.

The first time I see him after the semester begins will most likely be Parents’ weekend.

This is what I am afraid I will find when I arrive…

1. His idea of “doing laundry” will be spraying Febreeze on his dirty clothes. If he does actually use a washing machine, the clothes will sit there for days, resulting in a moldy, wrinkled mess.

2. He will go without shaving for so long, he will be offered a recurring role on Duck Dynasty.

3. The word sunblock will not be in his vocabulary.

4. He will not feed himself, causing his eyes to turn black. You know, like the vampires in Twilight when they get hungry.

5. He will not shower for so long, a cloud of dust will follow him around like Pigpen from Peanuts.

Oh wait, I just thought of the worst possibility of all…

6. He will change so much, it will be like he was abducted by aliens who have taken over his body.

Fortunately, Gillette has helped eliminate worry #2! They have a blade refill subscription service that delivers Gillette’s blades directly to your door! How cool is that?! And it’s only about $1 a week for most guys. Since I’m sure Jimmy will be using all his spare time for studying, taking advantage of a subscription that means one less thing to shop for is a no-brainer (See what I did there?).

Now if I could just convince the university to offer room service I would be able to take #4 off the list…

P.S. NO, I don’t actually think Jimmy is going to turn into a vampire or an alien. That’s just crazy. I mean, his college is in the mountains, so turning into a werewolf is much more likely. Duh.

P.P.S. Seriously (for once)…While it is true that I am feeling much trepidation over Jimmy leaving, I couldn’t be more proud of the responsible young man he’s turned into. I have no doubt that he will thrive at college and will be able to feed and clothe himself just fine. Except for the wrinkled shirt part.

Disclaimer: Compensation was provided by Gillette via MomTrends. The opinions expressed herein are those of the author and are not indicative of the opinions of Gillette or MomTrends.

The Gillette Fusion ProGlide with Flexball Technology is the first razor of its kind, with a new handle that adjusts and pivots to respond to the contours of a man’s face for fewer missed hairs. Using existing Fusion ProGlide cartridges, the new handle lets the cartridge move in three dimensions for maximum contact. The result is #ShavingRebuilt for an entirely new shave experience. Men who tried the Fusion ProGlide with FlexBall Technology prefer it 2-to-1 over the standard Fusion ProGlide*. And since it uses the same blades as the Fusion ProGlide, it’s a one-time purchase for a 2X better shave.

*Jimmy agreed. “It’s really cool” were his exact words, I think. Which from an 18 year old is very high praise!

***Under Construction: Site re-design in progress.***

Life, Parenting, Uncategorized

My Son Is a Cereal Killer: Family Movie Night with Big G

July 18, 2014 momopolize@gmail.com 10 Comments

This post is sponsored by General Mills but my love of their cereal and family fun is all my own!

Family movie night at our house is always interesting because we have comfy, reclining couches to seat 5…but a family of 6. When the movie is about to start, it’s like musical chairs meets WWE to see who gets the sofa spots.

This week, however, Jimmy is out of town vacationing with a friend so there was no pushin’ for the cushions. (By the way, that made me incredibly sad. Yes, sad. Because I realize after he leaves for college in a few weeks, activities with all six of us will be few and far between!!! I think I may need to get a life size cardboard cut-out to set up in the house when he leaves so I won’t be bawling all the time. But I digress…)

Specially marked boxes of Big G cereal have a code for a free movie download (2 codes needed for every free download). I like free! I got Lucky Charms, Honey Nut Cheerios and Golden Grahams. So I can’t make decisions. Or count to 2. One of those.

As a special movie time treat, we made 3 kinds of cereal bars. Because ~~one~~ two is never enough . The Lucky Charms recipe is below. You can find this recipe all over the internet, but mine is a bit, ummm, different. Following the instructions verrrry precisely is crucial.

5.0 from 1 reviews

"My Son Is a Cereal Killer" Marshmallow Treats

Author: Angela McKeown - Momopolize

Recipe type: Dessert, snack or even breakfast!

Prep time: 10 mins

Total time: 10 mins

Serves: Single serving, no??

Lucky Charms are magically delicious but I'm revealing the magician's tricks for the cereal bars

Ingredients

4 cups Lucky Charms (most recipes call for 6 but we like extra gooey)
10 ounce bag Marshmallows
4 tablespoons butter

Instructions

Put cereal in zip lock bag.
Give your son a rolling pin. You may substitute daughter if no son available.
Tell him not to hit his sibling with it. Repeat.
Repeat again.
Give son permission to be a cereal killer.
Beat cereal with a rolling pin until you crush its soul. Or until it is crushed.
Put one marshmallow on a microwave safe plate and cook until it explodes.
Laugh.
Clean microwave (optional).
Put remaining marshmallows and 3 tablespoons of butter (not all 4) in a microwave safe bowl and cook until melted.
Dump crushed cereal into marshmallow mush.
Take remaining tablespoon of butter and rub it all over your hands. Trust me, you'll thank me when you don't have marshmallows stuck all over you, plus your hands will be smooth like butte...oh, never mind.
Pretend the marshmallow/cereal mixture is play-do and squish it with your hands until it is well mixed.
Get out a pretty serving dish.
Laugh.
Put the pretty serving dish back in the cabinet.
Eat directly from mixing bowl with your greasy hands.

(Just substitute the same amount of Cheerios or Golden Grahams for the other varieties. Oh, and add some chocolate chips for the Golden Grahams. General Mills calls them Indoor S’mores. I call them Give Me S’more O Dat.)

If you’ve had a bad day you can modify the recipe to do the cereal beat-down yourself, because smashing things is very therapeutic. I let my own Big G (Greg) be the cereal killer for this batch though. .

You may notice the Lucky Charms aren’t smashed. I thought the photo would look better, but I think they taste much better crushed because the marshmallow can envelope every little morsel of cereal! I also think it tastes better the day after it is made (it gets less crunchy, more chewy) but a batch very rarely makes it to the next day.

What other varieties of cereal would make yummy marshmallow treats??

Humor, Life, Parenting, Uncategorized

Life’s a Gas and Then You Poo

May 27, 2014 momopolize@gmail.com 16 Comments

As the only female in a house full of boys, I had to accept long ago that our house would be overflowing with potty talk (literally* and figuratively). When Jimmy was a baby, I teased a friend for having her sons refer to farts as “bongos.” By the time Jimmy was old enough to find humor in bodily functions, I quickly understood her logic. We too adapted the “bongo” technique.

It was much more discrete to walk through a store with yells of…

“I just bongo’d.”

“I bongo’d free (3) times!”

“My bongo sounds like thunder.”

Rather than…

“I farted. I farted. I faaaaaaaart-ed.”

“I cut the three cheese pizza.”

“Did you hear that thunder from down under??”

Speaking of shopping, I once found a shirt with a picture of monkeys on the front and BONGO BROTHERS in a large font. Best. Find. Ever. And no one knew why I chuckled every time I looked at it. But I digress…

By the time Greg came along, I was eternally grateful to my friend for the “bongo” tip. It saved many an embarrassing moment. Especially when in the midst of a crowd and hearing the bellow of, “Mommy! Did you bongo???” I could just laugh and pretend to play drums. (And NO, I did NOT bongo. Girls do not bongo.)

Boys may think farts are funny, but poop? Now that is a source of pride. They have no qualms spouting off details about their grunt sculpture. I always know who finished his serving of corn the night before, who dropped something the size of a forearm and who needs to refer to it as #3.

Once while driving home, one who shall remain nameless (although I’m not sure why since, you know, poo pride) had to poop. Urgently. He finally yelled, “Hurry! I’m playing whack-a-mole back here!” I will never look at that carnival game the same again.

My least favorite is the reference of “dropping the kids off at the pool.” That brings back horrid memories of once finding floating evidence that someone had dropped their kid off at the pool while I was IN THE POOL (No, not my kid. I mean not my kid’s kid. I mean not my kid’s poop. Whatever.).

—

I said I’d never write about poop and now I have. More than once. But it’s all Cottonelle’s fault this time! They asked me to review do a review as part of their #letstalkbums campaign (if you landed here because you Googled “let stalk bums,” you may leave now. Right now.)

I am sure I was selected because, well, four sons automatically makes one a potty expert. I am, after all, the one who improved the common “If you sprinkle when you tinkle” jingle by adding a second verse.

“If you splat when you shat, after you flush please use the brush.”

I bought my Cottonelle® Flushable Cleansing Cloths with Clean Care toilet paper at CVS. I must admit I was a bit skeptical at first about the Cleansing Cloths – because “adult baby wipes” came to mind – but, honestly, it makes sense. You wouldn’t wash your hands with a dry paper towel, right?

I’ve always been a bit of a TP snob. I hate the public restroom rolls. Not enough to bring my own roll in my purse, but Cottonelle Clean Care makes that thought more tempting. It is even made with 100% virgin fibers. Because you don’t want any recycled fibers on your bum! (If you Googled anything to do with public restrooms or tempting virgins to get here, you can also leave. And shame on you.)

*Read about when our house literally overflowed in the post “Can’t Make This Sh*t Up!”

If at first you don’t succeed, flush, flush again.

Humor, Life, Parenting, Travel, Uncategorized

Our Guilt Trip To DC

May 6, 2014 momopolize@gmail.com 12 Comments

Last year we accidentally started a tradition of “last day of spring break Guilt Trips.” This is how it began (THIS year’s guilt trip will be in a future post.)…

Over spring break, we did nothing all week. And I mean noth. ing. Unless you count sleeping and playing video games. Well, just sleeping for me. I saw all the fun trip photos everyone else in the world seemed to be posting on Facebook and came to a terrifying realization. When the kids returned to school and were asked what they did during spring break, they’d have nothing fun to tell. Noth. ing. And I’d look like the slacker Mom.

With one day of break left, I declared it National-go-somewhere-fun-so-I-look-like-a-good-Mom day. We live very close to DC so could go anytime we want. But I chose one of the biggest tourist days of the year to go. Brilliant.

We spent 2 hours getting there (including pit stops on the way for the bank, gas station and breakfast, of course) since the rest of the country was also on the way there.

We planned to go to the Spy Museum, since we’d never been. We usually go to the free museums, but I knew I’d get extra “good Mom points” for spending money. Unfortunately, lots of other Moms must have been going for those points because the line was out the door, down the block, around the corner, and down another block. I had already spent the morning on the road, I wasn’t going to spend the afternoon waiting in line just to ease my conscious. Not when we could literally come any other day of the year.

Plan B, free museums.

One problem. Zero parking spaces. Parking garages full. We drove and drove. And drove. At one point Eric asked “Didn’t we pass that same building 20 minutes ago?” He was right. We did. We finally found a space near our house (kidding, but it seemed that far away).

We started walking down the busy sidewalks and after watching many people dodge us, I realized we were taking up the entire sidewalk. Not only weren’t we walking single-file, we were walking hexadic-file. (Yeah, I made up a new use for that word.)

There they go, just a walkin' down the street. Getting in the way of everyone they meet. — There they go, just a walkin’ down the street.
Getting in the way of everyone they meet.

As we strolled toward the National Mall, Eric very excitedly yelled “A PIGEON!! A PIGEON!! I’VE NEVER SEEN A PIGEON BEFORE!”

We really don’t get out much.

They were equally thrilled over the DC castle. What? You didn’t know DC has a castle? Some may call it the old Post Office but it is Chez Parcel Palace. Like I said, we don’t get out much.

Plan B included a request to go to the Pencil Building (National Monument). Unfortunately it was roped off for earthquake repair and this was as close as we could get.

Moving on to Plan C, we headed to the Lincoln Memorial. We had to take a break on the steps. After all, we had had a busy day of…nothing. Oh wait, we had the pigeon sighting.

We discovered my cell phone camera had magical cloning powers. Must have been the pigeons.

The Vietnam Memorial was the serious part of our day. Seeing the names of every fallen soldier etched into the wall was an indescribable experience. There was complete and utter silence, even though there were hundreds of people walking through with us.

As we exited the memorial, the somber moment ended abruptly. I will attempt to recreate the scene.

Close your eyes.

Imagine hearing music that is getting louder and louder. It is blaring. You realize the blaring music is coming from a boom box. A boom box in a flowered basket. A flowered basket attached to a (very) small bike. A (very) small bike driven by a (very) large middle aged man. A (very) large middle aged man riding with no handle bars because he’s waving his arms in the air to the beat of the blaring music.

And the song that is blaring? “Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?”

After that excitement, I was ready to call it a day but the boys wanted the FULL Nation’s Capital experience, which meant souvenir shopping. They went from street vendor to street vendor like kids in a candy shop. “A GIANT dime for only a dollar???” “Moooom! They have an AMERICAN FLAG tie!!” (Remember, we don’t get out much.) The result: tacky tourists extraordinaire.

The most expensive item (the tie) was $5. We made out like bandits compared to what the spy museum would have cost and had four ecstatic guys.

Jimmy even got to put his FBI beanie to use. Greg, you aren’t bribing an officer with that giant dime are you???

We ended the day with the holy grail for boys: Phillips all-you-can-eat buffet.

Remember the tidbit of information about the restaurant. It is crucial to the chain of events for THIS year’s Guilt Trip to Bawlmer (Baltimore).

Quote of the day (after observing many joggers): “It must be a pain to run in DC with all the crowds and roads. It’s run, stop, wait, run, run, stop, run, stop. Hey Mom, YOU should jog in DC because you stop all the time too.” ~Jimmy

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***The information below is sponsored. I was compensated for sharing these tips on purchasing a bike (hey, now maybe we can go on a fancier Guilt Trip next spring break!) but all opinions, stories and shenanigans are my own.***

Cycle of Life: Buying Kids’ Bikes Online

Buying kids bikes online has many benefits, but it can sometimes be overwhelming, especially if you are looking for your child’s first bike. Size is an important factor when bike shopping (something boom box man obviously didn’t consider). A good rule of thumb is your child should be able to touch the ground with the tips of their toes while sitting. One of the best bargains in buying a bike online is to simply buy it used. Because kids outgrow their bikes, parents often post these bikes for sale on the Internet. Another option is to go to a local store and test out bikes there. Once you’ve figured out which bike works best, go online and order it. Not only can you be more confident in your purchase, you’ll save money through ordering it online. The final thing to do before you purchase is to make sure you’re in shape! Once your child learns how to ride the bike, they may not want to stop and you might have to dash after them!

Don't ask me about my kids or I will Momopolize the conversation!