Tag Archives: Joke

Humor, Joke, Life, Parent, Uncategorized

To Catch A Thief…Again??

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Photo credit: forensiccolleges.net

Remember the attempted skateboard theft this summer??  If not, you need to read “To Catch a Thief” here before you read any further.  It happened again.

Yes, once again I had a run-in with scoundrels.  Two this time.  Two GIRLS.

I saw them in my car and next thing I knew, I watched them BOLT down the street.  They were much shorter than the skateboard thief, and much quicker.  They were almost out of sight before I could even blink.

Adrenaline kicked in and I started booking it down the street.  Again.  Barefoot.  Again.  (Well, I was wearing flip-flops but, of course, those things are impossible to run in so I kicked them off.)  Running like a loon in front of my neighbors.  Again.

This time the hooligans didn’t run into the woods.  They stayed on the sidewalk so I just kept chasing them.  Further than last time.  I was panting like a dog again, but so were they.  They were getting tired.  But I was getting tired faster.

The street is a circle so when we rounded a curve, they were out of sight.  I was afraid I lost them.  But I couldn’t give up.  I HAD to catch them.  I just HAD to.  They may have thought it was going to be an easy get-away.  But they were barking up the wrong tree.

I rounded another curve and saw them again.  I started howling “COME HERE!  COME BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!”  I guess one had an attack of conscience because she turned around and started heading back towards me.  But the other one kept going.  What to do now?  Catch the one who turned herself in, or keep going for the one who probably instigated the shenanigans??

A man and woman had seen what was transpiring and blocked the sidewalk, not letting the other one get by. I guess she wasn’t feeling as brave without her side-kick, so she also turned around.  Both girls came up to me, begging for forgiveness.  Not this time.  No more Mrs. Nice Guy.  I will NOT make this a walk in the park for these two.  I will hound them until I’m sure they have learned their lesson.

  It was a hairy situation, but the man and woman helped me constrain the girls and another neighbor that was driving by asked if I needed her to fetch some help.  (Where was all this help when I was chasing the skateboard thief??)  I was having a rough time getting the girls back to my house to face their punishment, so the man offered to help lead one while I made the other follow on my heels.  I was so thankful for the assistance, I was the man’s best friend at that moment.

As I looked down at the thugs, it almost seemed as though they were playing a game.  Especially the one that seemed to enjoy the chase a little too much.  I think the other realized it wasn’t a game though because I heard her whimper.

I made sure to get a photo again.  But this time it wasn’t as blurry.  I wanted to make sure there was no question about the identity of the culprits.  You can tell by looking at their faces who is feeling remorseful and who is destined to a life of crime.  Scroll down to see the delinquents…

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Brace yourself…

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It is a shocking image…

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The faces of pure evil…

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Angela’s Most Wanted

The offenders: our escapee dogs, Cookie and Brownie.  They may have sweet names…and faces…but don’t let them fool you.  They are trouble.  With a capital T.

No more “let’s go for a fun car ride” for these two for a while.  Who knew the goofy one on the left would slip out of her collar while I was getting her out of the car.  And who knew the normally obedient one would follow on the adventure!

Are they thieves though?  Yes, in fact they are.

What did they steal, you may ask?  My dignity.  That’s what.

After running with the big dogs, now I need to hang on the porch.

DPChallenge, Humor, Joke, postaday, Uncategorized

Weekly Photo Challenge: Near and Far

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An atypical take on the “Near and Far” challenge: With nothing except a leaf bug on the windshield, a cell phone camera and a plethora of uber corny leaf and plant related references, here’s my encounter with…

BUGZILLA!

Upon exiting a building today, I had a growing fear that something was wrong.  I looked up, and couldn’t believe my eyes.  A legendary creature, feared by all had planted himself on top of the building.  Could it be?  Is it real?  It is!  Bugzilla!

                    Down from the trees
                          One story high
                         Spitting leaves
                    His head in the sky
                              Bugzilla!

I sprinted to my car as he leapt off the roof and  uprooted a near-by SUV.  It was reduced to a pile of rubble when he was finished.  He made a low screeching noise that sounded like a bark.

As I put the car in drive, Bugzilla noticed me.  He came creeping toward my car.  My nails dug into the steering wheel as I switched to reverse and sped away.

Good grief.  He sure looks like a leaf.  Go, go Bugzilla.

He’s mean.  And for-evergreen.  Go, go Bugzilla.

Bugzilla seemed determined to stick to his vendetta against mankind.  It appeared as if all would have to live in perennial fear. But suddenly, Bugzilla branched out his fury and began to turn on his own kind.  He mercilessly attacked OTHER GIANT BUGS, destroying them one by one.

The poor Beetles didn’t stand a chance.

Humor, Joke, Parent, Parenting

A Real Pain in the Coccyx

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It isn’t often that a broken bone is funny.  Unless, of course, the bone has a funny name.  And the patient is a 13-year-old boy.

Jake literally got knocked on his butt last night during his football game and was still in a lot of pain this morning, so off to the urgent care center we went.  Had to stop myself when asked the reason for the visit.  “Jake is a pain in the…uh…I mean Jake HAS a pain in the butt.”

Jake’s reaction to showing the female nurse “where it hurt” was enough to get me in a giggly mood.  The blushing cheeks and the one word please-let-this-be-over answers showed that the nurse’s questions were much more painful than the injury.

Once she left the room, Jake announced that he needed to fart (boys feel the need to proclaim that hourly).  The conversation went something like… “Don’t you dare!” “But I have to.”  “No, this is a tiny room and the doctor will be in any second.”  “I can’t hold it.”  “Don’t do it!  The doctor may think it was me!!”

When the doctor came in, the first thing he said was “Yes, you can smell it in the air…”  I glared at Jake as if to say TELL ME YOU DIDN’T DO IT!!!  Fortunately, the doctor continued his statement “Yes, you can smell it in the air.  Football season and the injuries it brings.”  Whew.  I had to cover my face to hide the chuckling over what I thought the statement was referencing.  I’m not sure what the doctor said for the next 5 minutes, because I was using all of my focus trying to maintain my composure.

For some reason, hearing someone say buttocks is hysterical to boys.  Every time it was mentioned, Jake would smirk and glance at me.  “Did you get hit in the buttocks or did you fall on your buttocks?”  Snicker.  Snicker.  “Does your right buttock hurt more than your left buttock?” Snicker.  Snicker.  And so on…  I was trying to do anything to prevent an outburst of laughter.  Bit my lip.  Fake coughed.  Thought of the ending of Toy Story 3.  That worked.  The doctor probably thought I was overreacting a bit to be tearing up about the injury but at least I wasn’t going to be known as the Mom who laughed at her child’s broken bone.

Photo credit www.backpainsavvy.hubpages.com

By the time the doctor began talking about the crushed coccyx bone, I could barely contain myself.  “The bones in your spine curve in at your lower back and then once it gets below the sacrum, it curves back out.  The bone that sticks out at the bottom is the coccyx.”  A bone called the coccyx sticking out below the sacrum…well, I’m sure you can picture the expression on Jake’s face.  The word buttocks is funny to a teen boy; the word coccyx is hilarious.  Add in the word sacrum, and it’s too much to handle.  I couldn’t even look Jake in the eye because I knew if I did, I would be rolling on the floor.

If there is going to be a bone referred to as the “funny bone,” I think the coccyx bone would be a better choice than the elbow.  But then again, the skin covering the elbow is sometimes referred to as the wenus so, yeah, I guess that is funnier.  Hey docs, who named these body parts anyway??

Now before I get slammed for being unsympathetic, I do feel very bad for Jake.  I know first-hand that it is very painful because I broke my tailbone falling down some stairs once.  Perhaps a problem of weak cheeks runs in the family?  Our family just tends to find humor in strange places.  Just imagine if he broke his humerus bone…

If laughter is the best medicine, Jake should heal very quickly.  I surely hope this injury doesn’t cause Jake to be the butt of any jokes.

Humor, Joke, Lady Gaga, Poker

Poke Your Face while the H.O.E. in Texas Strips? Huh??

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Greg was 4 when Lady Gaga’s song “Poker Face” first became popular.  When it came on the radio one day, this was his reaction…

Photo credit www.defendingcontending.com
  • Greg: Turn it off!  I don’t like that song!
  • Me: Why don’t you like it?
  • Greg: It’s a mean song.  They tell you to poke your face!!
  • Yes Greg, that IS mean.

Made me wonder what lyrics he would hear if Lady Gaga did any other songs about the card game…

  1. Five Card Draw – “That song tells you to draw on cars.  That’s illegal.”
  2. H.O.E. Poker – “Dad, what’s a H.O.E. and why would you want to poke her?”
  3. Texas Hold’em – “The singer called someone named Tex an asshole and dumb.”
  4. Strip Poker – “That song says losers have to take their clothes off.”

Oh, wait.  You got that one right Greg.

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Yes, H.O.E. is an actual game of poker.  I did NOT make that up!