I declared an “official” sick day for myself, and made a big deal about needing to rest ALL day so I wouldn’t be too sick to enjoy our upcoming vacation.

Since I was going to be in bed all day anyway, I decided to multitask (because Mom’s can’t JUST lay in bed, right?) and take on a little battle of the wrinkles.

Rather than do something intelligent like an actual facial mask, I grabbed my Oil Of Olay cream off my nightstand and slathered a really thick layer all over my face.

(Theory being that if a little reduces wrinkles, a LOT would make my face as smooth as a baby’s butt.  Made sense at the time…)

Apparently it was thick enough under my eyes that every time I would blink, a miniscule bit would attach to my bottom eyelashes.  Each blink added a bit more until it was enough to attach itself to my upper lashes and work it’s way down into my eyes.

There was instant burning and tears streaming down my face, mixing with yesterday’s leftover mascara.

Cue Greg’s entry into my room.

He wanted to make sure I was feeling ok.  (All together now…Awwwwwww, how sweet!)

He took one look at me groaning about the stinging while black tears ran across my ghostly white face and yelled “MOM!  What’s wrong with you????  Are you ok??????????”

All I could do is laugh, while he looked on in horror.

I thought I just looked like this…

But judging from his reaction, I must have looked more like this…

Move over Jill Smokler.  There’s a NEW Scary Mommy in town.

P.S. My crow’s feet are just crow’s toes now.

P.P.S.  At least the day of rest made me FEEL like less of a zombie.

P.P.P.S.  Want to make yourself into a Zombie?  There’s an app for that.  (Just ask any teenager how.)

P.P.P.P.S A decision I made that was much more logical than putting an inch of lotion on my face was asking my fantastic blogger friends to participate in “Guest Post Week.”  They responded in droves to help me out!  I’m so excited to be introducing you to posts written by some of these lovely ladies during the next week.