Remember my never-made-a-pie-before-confession? (Obviously that included chicken popped pie also.). Well, now I have! Jake brought his grades up and as a reward I did it. I baked a chocolate meringue pie. And not an Oppan Costco Style pie. I didn’t even use instant pudding. And I made meringue too! Aren’t you proud?____________________________________________________
I usually post jokes and less than stellar moments about my children because no one wants to hear about the sweet, well-behaved moments. Those are just boring.
But I have to share this little note I found scribbled in the notebook I keep next to my computer. Very heartfelt for a 13-year-old…
I will keep it handy for the next time he is screaming how much he hates me.
Confession time: I have never made a pie. Ever. The thought intimidates me. I mean, check out the recipe at the bottom of this post! It’s not a recipe, it’s a short novel. (I put the recipe at the bottom because it is so long, I knew no one would read that far so anything I wrote after the recipe would be pointless.)
Where the heck did the term “easy as pie” come from anyway? The recipe below says the time to make it is 2 hours and it serves 10-12. They have it backwards. It would take me 10-12 hours to make and, in my house, would serve 2. If I’m lucky.
I like my recipe better.
Put It On The Table Apple Pie Recipe
Difficulty Level: Easy as Pie Really Easy
Time: 2 hours
Yield: 10-12 boys with enormous appetites
Ingredients:
Costco membership card
Car
$15 cash. Note: Substituting credit instead of cash not recommended. Debit substitution will yield better results, but cash is best.
Directions:
Drive to nearest Costco.
Display your membership card, along with a big smile.
Visit all sample tables. This is the most time consuming step and should be eliminated if you substituted credit.
Choose apple pie with the least perfect latice crust on top (for believability).
Remove plastic covering and price tag.
Sprinkle face with flour.
Add half-baked excuses when asked for recipe.
We are on dessert duty for Thanksgiving dinner with Jim’s family. I’d like to be adventuresome and try my hand at pie making (NOT the one below though). However, I’m pretty sure I will stick to my tried-and-true recipe above. I have a similar recipe for “Put It On The Table Sheet Cake.” But I may actually bake one of those because, in comparison to the pie recipe instruction manual, making a cake will be a piece of ca…oh, nevermind.
I didn’t have much hope for today since it was a holiday for school but not for work. After the 477th distraction and hearing “we have nothing to eat” for the 329th time, I gave up on getting work done and went to the store to pick up a few essentials.
As I dart into Walmart in my old sweats, with no make-up, having visions of being the subject of a people of Walmart photo, I thought to myself, “I bet I see everyone I know.” I was wrong. I only saw half the people I know. Never fails. (But as long as there are people like this in the world, I think it’s safe to say my 15 minutes of fame won’t be from appearing on “People of Walmart.”)
I pick up enough food to sustain the boys for a couple of hours – well at least one hour – plus some cleaning supplies (the only positive to the kids being in trouble is the huge list of extra chores I get to make for them). That’s all I came for so I head toward the checkout counter.
Somehow by the time I get to the front of the store, I have a cart full. More food (4 hours worth now), more cleaning supplies (thought of more chores) and a $3 t-shirt so I wouldn’t have to do my laundry tonight. Oh, and 2 pumpkins. That was the most exciting thing I bought. Until I went back for one more item…
Things were really looking up. Until I got home and saw the “map.” What??? Vermont Cream is GONE!!!! No!!!!!!!!!!! Why would they get rid of the BEST piece in the box?? Vermont Cream has been my favorite candy for as long as I can remember. Now even my box of chocolate is having a shit day.
I notice a new addition. Damn you “Maple Nut Butter.” You stole my beloved Vermont Cream’s spot! Why would they add that flavor when there is already “Maple Cream” which is just so…average. I wanted to throw it in the trash but was curious what could possibly be good enough to take the spot of perfection. I bit into it and…
It was DEE. LISH. US. Vermont Cream, only smoother. Buttery-er. Yummier. Vermont Cream, I will miss you. We had many good years together. But I guess sometimes you have to accept change. And sometimes change IS good.
Make sure you check out the Raspberry Cream piece. It came pre-smushed. I swear it was like that when I opened the box. Really!
To keep me from eating the entire box, I said I’d share with the family. But I got first choice(s) before they got to take any.
Before I let them have at the box I rearranged all the pieces so they didn’t match the map. Yes, I wanted a bit of revenge for my shit day yesterday.
I found the perfect mug to use while eating my Vermont Cream Maple Nut Butter…I wonder if they sell them at Walmart?
Photo: zazzle.com
Good news today for you also. Now that I got my fix, you should be safe from any other “sweet posts” for a while!
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More people of Walmart…
Nice shirt.
Flames seem to be popular attire…
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When I get stressed, my sweet tooth usually takes over. Recently I have been stressed, but have fought my sweet tooth. I guess since I haven’t been eating my cravings, I’m subconsciously writing them instead! I just realized that all of my recent blog entries except one have in some way been about a dessert item…
Life is a box of brown stuff about Russell Stoverchocolate. But at least that one talks about other “brown stuff” that will ruin the desire to eat anything.
“Easy As Pie” – OK, I didn’t actually write that one. But it was the most recent DP Weekly Writing Challenge about metaphors and similes. I intended to write it but ran out of time.
Makes you wonder what my next post will be??
“I Scream” – a post about my frustration level.
“A Bunch Of Fruitcakes” – an article about my family.
“I Need S’more” – a time management piece.
“Bake The Cake” – a tutorial on the dance moves, including bonus instructions for Drive The Bus.
“You say goodbye. I say Jell-o” – a post to convince you to continue reading my corny jokes.
Photo: iheartcookingclubs.blogspot.com
I think it’s time to replenish my Nutella supply. A spoonful of that will usually satisfy my sweet tooth…and then hopefully I won’t have to change the name of the blog to Sweetopolize.
“Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Coincidence? I think not!” ~Author Unknown
At least my birthday is this month, so for once I can have my cake and eat it too.
Photo: lifeyourway.com
Don't ask me about my kids or I will Momopolize the conversation!
