I suppose Eric heard me complaining about my “computer freezing” one time too many. I came into the office to find this…
That’s his jacket. To “warm” it up. My smart-assalec kids.
The weird thing though? It hasn’t frozen once since then.
So many times I’ve yelled that my computer is toast and told it to go to hell…maybe I was on the right track. I know it will be a cold day in hell if this computer ever functions properly again.
As an added bonus, you get to see my Halloween cactus in bloom. Yes, I said Halloween. I had a big, beautiful cactus for many years that was always in full bloom on October 31. So we no longer refer to this particular species as a Christmas cactus. I just received this plant a few days ago so haven’t had a chance to screw up its bloom cycle yet.
(No need to comment about the instructions to keep it blooming in December, like putting it in a dark, cold room at night. Plants in this house consider themselves lucky when I remember to water them. And half the time I don’t even put myself in a dark room at night…if I crash on the couch.
I’m not sure why so many of my posts have had song titles recently. I guess it is like my string of “sweet” posts a while back, only now I guess I’m on a music kick. At least I spared you my lame attempt at re-writing lyrics this time, right Christine? 😉
The Hi De Ho Man is Cab Calloway. The Heidi Ho Woman blabs all day.
Been searching for the perfect gift for me? Well search no further. Because I know you care enough to send the very best.
Jim recently asked me what is on my Christmas wish list. Before I tell you the conversation, a little back story is needed.
My least favorite thing about our house is the master bedroom. More specifically – the bed. Our very first purchase when we got married was a new bed. Our 20th anniversary is in 6 months. A 20-year-old mattress. Enough said.
My second least favorite thing about our house is the master bathroom. It doesn’t have a bathtub. Just a shower. Calgon, give me a remodel! I try to claim that I need a tub for medicinal purposes but I don’t think the insurance company would agree.
Jim: What do you want for Christmas?
Me:I just want big-ticket items, so I’m out of luck this year.
Since I seem to be in a lyric re-writing mood lately, my version of Steppenwolf’s Born To Be Wild…
Get my ‘puter typing
On the information highway
Looking for blog topics
In the things we do and say
Yeah, darlin’ gonna write what happened
Hope my family is not disgraced
Pen all my thoughts at once
And post on cyberspace
Like a true attention hog
I was born, born to write blogs
You’ll act like you care
When I over-share
Born to write blogs
Born to write blogs
I realize Born to Run would have been more appropriate to go with the Born to Blog ornament, but you don’t mess with the lyrics of the Boss. You just don’t.
But I will say…
Writer’s cramps like us, baby we were born to blog.
Rated R, for Really funny. (But seriously, don’t read with the kids around.)
When Eric was little, he didn’t pronounce his “Ps” and when he tried to make the “Tr” sound, it came out as “F.” And he had an obsession with trucks. You see where this is going, right?
One day when we were in line at the Chick-Fil-A drive through, a fleet of dump trucks drove by. As we waited at the window for our food, Eric began loudly exclaiming…
I see a big dumb f*ck.
I see another big dumb f*ck.
There goes ANOTHER big dumb f*ck.
And ANOTHER big dumb f*ck. (Repeated 47 times – getting louder each time – until he finally said…)
There are big dumb f*cks EVERYWHERE.
I’m sure many shoppers are uttering those very words today.
Thanksgiving is a day of giving thanks, but it can also be a day of giving stress. The grocery shopping, the cleaning, the annoying Uncle, the complicated pie recipes (see, I told you to use my recipe!!)
I did actually bake a cheesecake and cupcakes, to distract from the store-bought pies. I will post photos at some point…just to prove I am capable of baking SOMETHING, just not pies.
To make this an “official” Thanksgiving post: I am thankful to have so many things to be thankful for that I don’t have time to write them all. And you are too busy today to read them all anyway.
But you’re not too busy to look at pictures. When the day starts giving you more stress than thanks, I hope these pictures will make you smile.
I am thankful for my readers that vote for me for silly contests. Just a couple of quick clicks, but it means a lot. Because apparently I like to try to win things…
OMGosh you guys! I think I must be a viral sensation. I went to Costco today and like almost EVERY cart had used my pie recipe. (If you missed my pie recipe yesterday, click here.) I couldn’t believe it. That means they ALL read my blog and ran right out to try what I suggested, right? I am so excited! I mean, if that many people from just MY Costo read my blog, then just think how many read it across the country!!!
Some people even made their own adjustments to the recipe, substituting Pumpkin or Pecans for the Apples. Pure genius. I always suspected my readers are brilliant.
I think I even heard a few singing the following song…
Hey, Bloggy Lady. Op, Op, Op, Oppan Costco Style.
Hey, Bloggy Lady. Op, Op, Op Oppan Costco Style.
Look out Gangnam Style, I think Costco Style is the next big thing. My pie-in-the-sky is within reach.
Now I just need some cool dance moves. “Bake the Cake” anyone?
Confession time: I have never made a pie. Ever. The thought intimidates me. I mean, check out the recipe at the bottom of this post! It’s not a recipe, it’s a short novel. (I put the recipe at the bottom because it is so long, I knew no one would read that far so anything I wrote after the recipe would be pointless.)
Where the heck did the term “easy as pie” come from anyway? The recipe below says the time to make it is 2 hours and it serves 10-12. They have it backwards. It would take me 10-12 hours to make and, in my house, would serve 2. If I’m lucky.
I like my recipe better.
Put It On The Table Apple Pie Recipe
Difficulty Level: Easy as Pie Really Easy
Time: 2 hours
Yield: 10-12 boys with enormous appetites
Ingredients:
Costco membership card
Car
$15 cash. Note: Substituting credit instead of cash not recommended. Debit substitution will yield better results, but cash is best.
Directions:
Drive to nearest Costco.
Display your membership card, along with a big smile.
Visit all sample tables. This is the most time consuming step and should be eliminated if you substituted credit.
Choose apple pie with the least perfect latice crust on top (for believability).
Remove plastic covering and price tag.
Sprinkle face with flour.
Add half-baked excuses when asked for recipe.
We are on dessert duty for Thanksgiving dinner with Jim’s family. I’d like to be adventuresome and try my hand at pie making (NOT the one below though). However, I’m pretty sure I will stick to my tried-and-true recipe above. I have a similar recipe for “Put It On The Table Sheet Cake.” But I may actually bake one of those because, in comparison to the pie recipe instruction manual, making a cake will be a piece of ca…oh, nevermind.
I pride myself on being pretty brave with spookiness at Halloween, but as I reached in this bin to grab a decoration that was under some costume capes, I was turned into a total scaredy cat!
What do you think had me so terrorized???
No, it wasn’t the monster hand below the decoration that frightened me.
It was something
much,
much,
much,
much scarier.
The not-so-scaredy cat, Mushu, wasn’t startled at all. He was just annoyed that I woke him. That’ll teach me to make sure it is JUST black capes before I stick my hand in next time…
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Filed under the “things I never thought I’d have to say” category…
“Don’t hit your brother with the cat!!!!!”
Don’t worry, it isn’t Mushu.
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Mushu may not have been afraid when I reached in the bin, but I think he met his match.
Mushu was happy I used my crappy camera phone so you all can’t see the terror in his eyes.
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Brownie really enjoyed this scratch behind the ears.
She just didn’t know it was going to cost an arm and a leg.
She still owes us the leg.
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Speaking of the arm, it mysteriously shows up in the weirdest places in our house. And no one ever claims responsibility for moving it. It’s a little disturbing…
But you know what is MORE disturbing?? That my children think it is acceptable to throw their sports crap equipment all over the floor.
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Notice anything unusual in this “Trunk or Treat” photo? No, not the flying white witch. Or the giant cockroach. Or the freaky looking face to the left of Greg (although I don’t remember that being there when I took the photo…hmm…). Check out Eric’s “bag” for collecting his candy.
Yes, it is an empty Chefboyardee ravioli box. Not decorated, not disguised, not even tucked in flaps. Just a ravioli box.
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Every year we forget to carve our pumpkin. So we are always frantically scooping out pumpkin guts as the trick-or-treaters are arriving. This year Greg saved the day and did the pumpkin all by himself (well, with a little help from Dad on the sharp stuff) before the trick-or-treaters arrived.
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For a work event, Jim had to show off his baking skills by bringing in a Halloween themed dessert. He found this fun idea that he thought seemed simple enough. I should have warned him that anything on Martha Stewart’s website is never as easy as it looks.
Photo: marthastewart.com
He could only find regular waffle cones (not chocolate) and regular Twizzlers (not string licorice), but assembled the rest of the ingredients. He worked into the wee hours of the morning and was pretty happy with his results. Until he had the following conversation with Greg…
Greg: What are those supposed to be?
Jim: What do you think they are supposed to be?
Greg: Ummmm…Snowmen?
So much for the MartyStewart.com idea.
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What was the most terrifying thing I saw this Halloween season, you may ask? This teenage girl who was obviously bewitched by Jake. Eeeeeek.
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I always loved the “spot the differences” game. Comment with the differences YOU can find!
Hint: There are 47.
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Don't ask me about my kids or I will Momopolize the conversation!
