Category Archives: Parenting

Humor, Joke, Life, Parenting, pets, Uncategorized

Santa Lost His Head. Or Was It Stolen?

December 31, 2012 momopolize@gmail.com 2 Comments

One day last week, I spent the day running around like a chicken with my head cut off, finishing last minute Christmas prep. I must admit I was so stressed by my to-do list that what I saw when I got home made me lose my head. And I wasn’t the only one. I walked in to find this…

And this…

I was 100% sure the guilty looking one – Brownie – was innocent. I’d have bet money it was Cookie that beheaded my “peek-a-boo Santa.”

I told the kids not to eat Santa’s cookies while I was gone but didn’t think I needed to tell Cookie not to eat Santa. Lesson learned.

I attempted to prop the head back on…

But kept finding this…

Even when Cookie wasn’t around.

A little research uncovered a disturbing find…SANTA HAS BEEN LOSING HIS HEAD A LOT!

Maybe Cookie really was as innocent as her expression.

I always visualized Santa as calm, cool and collected. Not rattled by anything. But, perhaps, he gets just as frazzled as the rest of us. And loses his head.

Photos on Flickr* show this shocking proof…

Apparently he occasionally loses his pants too…

Sometimes he can be hot headed…

Other times he blows his top…

So does Santa just have a short fuse like the rest of us?

Or is there a dog conspiracy to steal Santa’s head?

Perhaps we’ll never know for sure…

But I will remind you that Brownie and Cookie are known felons.

Does the photo of them in this post remind you of something you’ve seen before? (If not, you need to read “To Catch A Thief…Again.”)

<—beheaded Santa

From “To Catch A Thief…Again”—>

P.S. You can also find videos on You Tube of Santa sans noggin. But I wouldn’t suggest searching for “Santa Lost His Head” there. You get some unexpected results. Including a case of someone who decapitated a man in Santa Maria. And a video about two turtles humping. I don’t even want to know WHY that showed up as a match.

We’re #13 for Humor Blogs

*Photo credit: All photos not taken by me that don’t have a photo credit listed as a caption can be found on flickr.com on the first page of search results for “Santa lost his head” or “hot headed Santa.”

Humor, Joke, Life, Parenting

Fake Interview with a Real Housewife

December 27, 2012 momopolize@gmail.com 1 Comment

One week from today we take off for our “Housewife Heroes” excursion to New York City, including lunch with Melissa Gorga and a session with her make-up artist.

As I made plans for the trip, it made me wonder what would happen if a Real Housewife of New Jersey (RHONJ) and a Real Housewife of Boring-town Suburbia (RHOBS, yes the “BS” was intentional) were both asked the same questions in an interview. This is what I imagine their answers would be…

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Interviewer: Tell us about the car you drive?

RHONJ: I have a convertible and I just love the Italian Leather seats and feeling the wind blow through my hair when I put the top down.

RHOBS: I have an SUV with Italian spaghetti sauce stains on my leather seats. Or is it ketchup? Maybe I should pick up one of those old French fries on the floor and find out. The wind blows my hair in my eyes but I can’t roll up the windows because the car smells like spoiled milk. They really shouldn’t call those cups “spill-proof.”

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Interviewer: Where is your favorite place to shop?

RHONJ: The best shopping is in NYC, so I usually dash up there for a shopping spree. I can’t say which boutique is my favorite, because of the paparazzi.

RHOBS: Target! You can get a new outfit, groceries, laundry detergent and kitty litter – all in one stop. Best. Idea. Ever.

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Interviewer: What do you wear when having lunch with friends?

RHONJ: I love a splash of color. And heels and some bling are a must.

RHOBS: I wear whichever yoga pants are clean. If I can find the matching shirt, that’s a plus.

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Interviewer: Speaking of Yoga, have you tried the new craze, Hot Yoga?

RHONJ: Oh yes, I go to a hot yoga class at my gym 3 times a week.

RHOBS: Sort of. One time when I was doing yoga at home, the air conditioning was broken. Does that count?

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Interviewer: When you’ve had a stressful week, how do you relax?

RHONJ: A day at the spa for an appointment with my favorite masseuse, a caviar facial and time in the jacuzzi.

RHOBS: Well, last week I decided to try the green tea mud mask that I received as a gift two years ago. The doorbell rang after I applied the mask. When I answered the door, it was a neighborhood kid who ran away screaming something about an alien. I started to draw a bath before the doorbell rang but forgot to put the stopper in the tub. By the time I got back to the bathroom, there was no hot water left. And I think the mud mask was past its expiration date because my face still has a greenish hue.

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melissa gorga cd — Photo: www.melissagorga.com

Interviewer: I was just listening to the new single “I Just Wanna.” How do feel about the new song?

RHONJ: I love it! The press has been hounding me since the release.

RHOBS: I love it! When I try to sing, it makes my dog just wanna howl.

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Interviewer: What is your favorite quote?

RHONJ: “I never throw the first punch, but I’m always a knock out.”

RHOBS: “If I get knocked down, I will probably just lay there and take a nap”

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Interviewer: How would others describe your life?

RHONJ: I live a life that most girls only dream of.

RHOBS: I live a life that most girls only have nightmares about.

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Interview: What is your favorite mixed drink?

RHONJ: Voli’s “Mango Coconut”

RHOBS: Voli’s “Mango Coco-My-Kids-Make-Me-Nuts”

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While there may be many differences between the lifestyles of The Housewives on TV and regular housewives, they all are real women, real Moms – and real housewives! So when Melissa Gorga and I meet for lunch, hopefully we will have plenty to talk about while having a cocktail. And maybe some “whine.”

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Have any questions you want me to ask Melissa??? Leave them in a comment and I’ll try my best to get the answers!

Happiness, Humor, Joke, Life, Parenting, Uncategorized

No Jacket Required

December 26, 2012 momopolize@gmail.com 6 Comments

I won’t be needing any more coats to warm up my computer.

Either my family has high hopes for Momopolize, or they were just tired of listening to me complain about my old piece of junk computer. Regardless of the reason, the only thing freezing here today is the road. (Drive carefully if your roads are icy too!)

My new computer even has a fingerprint recognition thingy (official name). It makes me feel so Jane Bond. Even though I’m more of an “I Spy With My Little Eye” type of gal.

I guess I better start working on advertising deals to get Momopolize in the black. (Can I count the NYC trip to get me out of the red??) I feel like I should end every post with a current total like they do on the “Two Broke Girls” show.

I know I don’t deserve another present, but clicking the link below would be a great gift. It would make my competitive side very happy. I’m in 3rd but 1st would make potential advertisers happy also. And then I could take away the negative sign for my current total. 🙂 Just click and voila. Done.

Tomorrow I will post about our Christmas Eve and Christmas Day shenanigans. Whenever all 6 of us are together for many hours at a time, you can count on some really good blog material.

Humor, Joke, Life, Parenting

Close (the) Windows, It’s Cold In Here

December 17, 2012 momopolize@gmail.com 6 Comments

I suppose Eric heard me complaining about my “computer freezing” one time too many. I came into the office to find this…

That’s his jacket. To “warm” it up. My smart-~~ass~~alec kids.

The weird thing though? It hasn’t frozen once since then.

So many times I’ve yelled that my computer is toast and told it to go to hell…maybe I was on the right track. I know it will be a cold day in hell if this computer ever functions properly again.

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As an added bonus, you get to see my Halloween cactus in bloom. Yes, I said Halloween. I had a big, beautiful cactus for many years that was always in full bloom on October 31. So we no longer refer to this particular species as a Christmas cactus. I just received this plant a few days ago so haven’t had a chance to screw up its bloom cycle yet.

(No need to comment about the instructions to keep it blooming in December, like putting it in a dark, cold room at night. Plants in this house consider themselves lucky when I remember to water them. And half the time I don’t even put myself in a dark room at night…if I crash on the couch.

Humor, Joke, Life, Parenting, Uncategorized

Christmas Presence

December 17, 2012 momopolize@gmail.com 5 Comments

My kids’ wish lists are, frankly, very boring this year. Video games and legos. Blah. So I’ve decided instead to just wrap this…

…with a note inside saying “Better luck getting gifts on the day YOU were born.”

When they ask why it is empty under the tree, I will play dumb (I’m good at that) and say “Ooohhhh, it is presents with a TS. My bad.”

<— I can get a really good deal on a case of these for everyone else on my shopping list.

Or an even easier way to avoid the mall…

If you are finished shopping, I suggest adding this to the first package opened to set a festive mood…

At least our pets are really into gift-giving this year…

In all seriousness, I truly am looking forward to being in the presence of all my loved ones this Christmas. That is a priceless gift.

Happiness, Humor, Inspiration, Life, Parenting

Agape or Ughape?

November 28, 2012 momopolize@gmail.com 1 Comment

During the sermon at church this past Sunday, the pastor asked who considered themselves irritating. After some of the congregation raised their hands, he proceeded to tell us that we are all irritating. In one way or another.

He went on to say that it is pointless to try to change someone’s irritating traits, because there will always be something irritating about them. We shouldn’t try to change them. We need to try love them for who we are.

Without going into the entire sermon, he said we should “Agape” love them (pronounced Ah-GAH-pay). Agape love is selfless, sacrificial, unconditional love, the highest of the four types of love in the Bible (definition from christianity.about.com). It is loving even the unlovable parts, like God loves us.

I walked out of the sanctuary feeling very uplifted. However, within 2 minutes of the end of the church service, Jake and Eric were pushing each other’s buttons. Insulting each other. Pointing out things they don’t like about each other.

Me: Weren’t you guys paying attention to the sermon?? Didn’t you learn anything?

Jake: Yes. I learned that we are all annoying and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.

Maybe it should be pronounced ugh-GAH-pay.

Happiness, Humor, Joke, Parenting

In Honor Of Black Friday: Lots of C*rse Words

November 23, 2012 momopolize@gmail.com 9 Comments

Rated R, for Really funny. (But seriously, don’t read with the kids around.)

When Eric was little, he didn’t pronounce his “Ps” and when he tried to make the “Tr” sound, it came out as “F.” And he had an obsession with trucks. You see where this is going, right?

One day when we were in line at the Chick-Fil-A drive through, a fleet of dump trucks drove by. As we waited at the window for our food, Eric began loudly exclaiming…

I see a big dumb f*ck.

I see another big dumb f*ck.

There goes ANOTHER big dumb f*ck.

And ANOTHER big dumb f*ck. (Repeated 47 times – getting louder each time – until he finally said…)

There are big dumb f*cks EVERYWHERE.

I’m sure many shoppers are uttering those very words today.

Happy Black Friday everyone.

black friday dump truck — (Original someecards image has been modified.)

Happiness, Humor, Inspiration, Joke, Parenting, Uncategorized

Don’t Talk To Strangers. Just Let Them Follow You.

November 16, 2012 momopolize@gmail.com 4 Comments

Jake: You have more Twitter followers than I do!!

Me: And I only know about 5 of them in real life.

Jake: That’s creepy.

Me: That’s what bloggers want. To get a whole bunch of people they don’t know to read what they write.

Jake: Why??

Me: …Good question…

(So much for the years spent preaching about “stranger danger” and not giving out any personal information on the internet.)

Do as I say, not as I do.

Charity, Happiness, Help, Humor, Inspiration, Life, Parenting, Uncategorized

Jolly Old St. Nick-or-Treat

November 15, 2012 momopolize@gmail.com 1 Comment

Santa Halloween smallbusinessbcca — Photo credit: smallbusinessbc.ca

Rescheduling “Trick or Treat, Give Me Something Good To Eat” has proven to be a bit…umm…tricky.

Unfortunately there wasn’t a workable date to transform the event into “Snacksgiving” (I thought that was a little less offensive than calling it “Thanksgivoweenie.”).

I did, however, have a meeting yesterday and am happy to report it will be held in conjunction with a distribution of shoe box filled gifts for Christmas.

It will most likely be held strictly indoors (because I don’t want Mother Nature flubbing things up again!) with some festive decorations and games with the food as “prizes.” There is a possibility of still trying to incorporate the trunk-or-treat concept. “Christmas Tree Trunk-or-treat” perhaps.

I’m anxious for this to happen (and to get all the food out of my living room), but for now I suppose I will just have to Ho-Ho-Hold my horses.

Stay tuned…

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And my daily PITA reminder: VOTE, VOTE, VOTE. Yes, I realize the presidential election is over. But another important vote is needed. To help me win a trip to NYC and some schmoozing and boozing and make-over with Melissa Gorga. Click on the link below, go to the second page of stories and vote for Angela M.

https://www.facebook.com/#!/volispirits/app_489717107739723

Happiness, Inspiration, Life, Parenting

The City That Never Sleeps and The Girl That Always Does

November 14, 2012 momopolize@gmail.com 1 Comment

It’s a little ironic that I’m trying to get votes to win a trip to the “city that never sleeps” when lately that seems to be all I do. Fatigue has taken over recently and napping seems to be what fills up all of my spare time. My 4o winks have been more like 4,000 winks.

nyc city that never sleeps — Photo: livinlavidazia.com

But if you help me win the trip to NYC, I promise to save all lumbering for when I get home. I will enjoy every moment of the trip and will blog about every detail so you can re-live it with me!

Have no idea what trip I’m talking about? You can read about it here…

Want to see me with BIG hair??

Or I can just quickly tell you about it again…

Voli Light Vodka contacted me about a “Housewife Heroes” contest after reading about my posts about my “game plan.” I’ve been selected as a finalist and now need your votes to win a trip to NYC and lunch including a make-over with Melissa Gorga (Real Housewives of New Jersey) and some other goodies.

I can’t win this without my friends and loyal readers. Just click the link below and go to the second page for my entry (Angela M) and click the little vote box! You can click once a day from now through Friday!

https://www.facebook.com/#!/volispirits/app_489717107739723

During all of my naps, I will dream of going to the city that doesn’t sleep. More irony.

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And don’t forget my…thick. hair. Really thick hair. The real housewife make-over big hair pics will be your grand prize.

Don't ask me about my kids or I will Momopolize the conversation!