Close (the) Windows, It’s Cold In Here

I suppose Eric heard me complaining about my “computer freezing” one time too many.  I came into the office to find this…

computer frozen jacket

That’s his jacket.  To “warm” it up.  My smart-assalec kids.

The weird thing though?  It hasn’t frozen once since then.

So many times I’ve yelled that my computer is toast and told it to go to hell…maybe I was on the right track.  I know it will be a cold day in hell if this computer ever functions properly again.

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As an added bonus, you get to see my Halloween cactus in bloom.  Yes, I said Halloween.  I had a big, beautiful cactus for many years that was always in full bloom on October 31.  So we no longer refer to this particular species as a Christmas cactus.  I just received this plant a few days ago so haven’t had a chance to screw up its bloom cycle yet.

(No need to comment about the instructions to keep it blooming in December, like putting it in a dark, cold room at night.  Plants in this house consider themselves lucky when I remember to water them.  And half the time I don’t even put myself in a dark room at night…if I crash on the couch.

Christmas Presence

My kids’ wish lists are, frankly, very boring this year.  Video games and legos.  Blah.  So I’ve decided instead to just wrap this…

its not your birthday riverroadumcorg

…with a note inside saying “Better luck getting gifts on the day YOU were born.”

When they ask why it is empty under the tree, I will play dumb (I’m good at that) and say “Ooohhhh, it is presents with a TS.  My bad.”Christmas presence2013 mayan calendar

<— I can get a really good deal on a case of these for everyone else on my shopping list.

Or an even easier way to avoid the mall…

Christmas blame the mayans

If you are finished shopping, I suggest adding this to the first package opened to set a festive mood…

Jesus birthdayAt least our pets are really into gift-giving this year…

cat Christmas present

In all seriousness, I truly am looking forward to being in the presence of all my loved ones this Christmas.  That is a priceless gift.

 

 

At A Loss

candle gorailcom

grieve (grv) v. To be sorrowful; distress.  To mourn or sorrow for.

griev·ance (grvns) n.  An actual or supposed circumstance regarded as just cause for complaint.

This morning I was full of complaints.  “Work has been crazy….I barely have any shopping done…We don’t even have our tree up…” 

Then I heard the news.

My supposed “problems” seemed utterly ridiculous.

Tonight is for grieving, not grievance.  And prayers.  Lots of prayers.

 

 

Hi De Ho-Ho-Ho

See?  Like I said in yesterday’s post…Heidi Klum and I are meant to be BFFs.

Heidi Klum Halloween Christmas modified

Heidi Heidi Heidi Hi

Ho De Ho De Ho-Ho-Ho

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In case you don’t know the Hi De Ho song…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=esnDnIK2v1g

I’m not sure why so many of my posts have had song titles recently.  I guess it is like my string of “sweet” posts a while back, only now I guess I’m on a music kick.  At least I spared you my lame attempt at re-writing lyrics this time, right Christine? 😉

The Hi De Ho Man is Cab Calloway.  The Heidi Ho Woman blabs all day.

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Modified photo from eonline.com.

Heidi Klum and I Are So Much Alike, We Should Be BFFs!

Heidi Klum Halloween Christmas

  1. Heidi hosts an annual Halloween bash.  I organized “Trick or Treat, Give Me Something Good To Eat.
  2. Frankenstorm postponed both of our functions.
  3. Heidi rescheduled for December 3rd and arrived in full Halloween costume with Santa escorting her.  I revamped the idea into “Jolly Old Saint Nick Or Treat, Give Me Something Good To Eat” and rescheduled for December 18.
  4. Heidi’s party was held in New York and was sponsored by a vodka company.  I won a trip to New York sponsored by Voli Light vodka company, partly because they read about my idea.
  5. Heidi’s party was full of Hollywood superstars.  Mine will be full of real superstars (kids in need).
  6. Heidi’s Hollywood superstar community donated to the Red Cross.  My neighborhood community donated to the real superstars.
  7. Heidi is a famous supermodel.  I am a…ummmm…well…hmmmm….

OK, maybe lunch with another celebrity isn’t in my future.  But we both DO agree that Christmas in July is sooooo yesterday’s news.  Halloween in December is the next big thing!

Now let’s just hope Mother Nature cooperates this time…

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Click here to read more about Heidi’s party.

(Photo credit: article link above)

What Would One Wear To Lunch With Melissa Gorga??

Because I need to know!!!voli housewife winner

Thanks to everyone who voted, I am NYC bound on January 3 and will be having lunch with Melissa Gorga on January 4!!!  I am so thrilled!!!  Thank you, thank you!  More details soon but, seriously, what the heck should I wear to lunch with one of the Real Housewives of New Jersey???

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P.S. I got the news about this a while ago but was sworn to secrecy until the official announcement was made.  So I am also thrilled that I don’t have to keep the secret any longer because it is apparent that I’m not good at keeping my mouth shut.   🙂

 

Going Blog Wild

born to blog
Been searching for the perfect gift for me?
Well search no further.
Because I know you care enough to send the very best.

Jim recently asked me what is on my Christmas wish list.  Before I tell you the conversation, a little back story is needed.

My least favorite thing about our house is the master bedroom.  More specifically – the bed.  Our very first purchase when we got married was a new bed.  Our 20th anniversary is in 6 months.  A 20-year-old mattress.  Enough said.

My second least favorite thing about our house is the master bathroom.  It doesn’t have a bathtub.  Just a shower.  Calgon, give me a remodel!  I try to claim that I need a tub for medicinal purposes but I don’t think the insurance company would agree.

Jim: What do you want for Christmas?

Me: I just want big-ticket items, so I’m out of luck this year.

Jim: Like what?

Me: A Bed.  Bath.  And…beyond.

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Since I seem to be in a lyric re-writing mood lately, my version of Steppenwolf’s Born To Be Wild…

Get my ‘puter typing

On the information highway

Looking for blog topics

In the things we do and say

Yeah,  darlin’ gonna write what happened

Hope my family is not disgraced

Pen all my thoughts at once

And post on cyberspace

Like a true attention hog

I was born, born to write blogs

You’ll act like you care

When I over-share

Born to write blogs

Born to write blogs

I realize Born to Run would have been more appropriate to go with the Born to Blog ornament, but you don’t mess with the lyrics of the Boss.  You just don’t.

But I will say…

Writer’s cramps like us, baby we were born to blog.

I Always Feel Like Somebody’s Watching Me

I just found out that the “Circle of Moms” website picked Momopolize as one of three “Blogs To Watch” for 2012!!! 

Who are the “Blogs to Watch?”  Straight from the Circle of Mom’s mouth…

“When voting ends, our editors pick 3 Blogs to Watch from the list of blogs who participated in the contest.  The Blogs to Watch are bloggers with a unique voice and original content that caught our editors’ eyes.”

In honor of this special occasion, I wrote some new lyrics for the Rockwell song:

I’m just an average Mom.  With an average life.

I work from 5 to 9.  Hey, I pay the price.

All I have is my crazy kids and my kooky home.

I always  feel like I’m in the twilight zone.

I don’t understand why somebody’s watching me.

Are they playing tricks on me?

I don’t understand why somebody’s watching me.

Tell me is this just a dream??

Circle of Moms and I have pretty much the same number of readers.  Plus or minus 10,300,000 or so.

www.circleofmoms.com/top25/Top-25-Family-Blogs-By-Moms-2012?trk=top25_blogs

Thank you Circle of Moms!!!

Agape or Ughape?

During the sermon at church this past Sunday, the pastor asked who considered themselves irritating.  After some of the congregation raised their hands, he proceeded to tell us that we are all irritating.  In one way or another.

He went on to say that it is pointless to try to change someone’s irritating traits, because there will always be something irritating about them.  We shouldn’t try to change them.  We need to try love them for who we are.

Without going into the entire sermon, he said we should “Agape” love them (pronounced Ah-GAH-pay).  Agape love is selfless, sacrificial, unconditional love, the highest of the four types of love in the Bible (definition from christianity.about.com).  It is loving even the unlovable parts, like God loves us.

I walked out of the sanctuary feeling very uplifted.  However, within 2 minutes of the end of the church service, Jake and Eric were pushing each other’s buttons.  Insulting each other.  Pointing out things they don’t like about each other.

Me:  Weren’t you guys paying attention to the sermon??  Didn’t you learn anything?

Jake:  Yes. I learned that we are all annoying and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.

Maybe it should be pronounced ugh-GAH-pay.

In Honor Of Black Friday: Lots of C*rse Words

Rated R, for Really funny. (But seriously, don’t read with the kids around.)

When Eric was little, he didn’t pronounce his “Ps” and when he tried to make the “Tr” sound, it came out as “F.”  And he had an obsession with trucks.  You see where this is going, right?

One day when we were in line at the Chick-Fil-A drive through, a fleet of dump trucks drove by.  As we waited at the window for our food, Eric began loudly exclaiming…

I see a big dumb f*ck.

I see another big dumb f*ck.

There goes ANOTHER big dumb f*ck.

And ANOTHER big dumb f*ck. (Repeated 47 times – getting louder each time – until he finally said…)

There are big dumb f*cks EVERYWHERE.

I’m sure many shoppers are uttering those very words today.

Happy Black Friday everyone.

(Original someecards image has been modified.)

Don't ask me about my kids or I will Momopolize the conversation!